Spooge's Spit Up - The Blackboard


Blackboard

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone handwritten the word 'penis' in tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class. The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis' again on the black board.

Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same word written on the board, each day's word, larger than the previous day's word.


Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words,

'The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!'

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Spooge's Spit Up - The Three Little Pigs

This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is.
They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.
She read ... 'and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said:
'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'
The teacher paused then asked the class:
'And what do you think the man said?'
One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly ...
'I think the man would have said - 'Well, f*ck me!! A talking pig!'
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

Thanks to
The Mistress for This Joke

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Sneaky's Slang O' The Day - Juju


Origin: Unknown

Definition: medicine.

Example: He almost forgot that he was laboring under the monsterishly erotic juju of her succubus-like spell. But his characteristic morning stiffness provided a constant reminder.


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Spooge's Spit Up - Farm Yard Follies

There was this zebra who had lived her entire life in a zoo and was getting on a bit so the zoo keeper decided as a treat that she could spend her final years in bliss on a farm.

The zebra was so excited, she got to see this huge space with green grass and hill and trees and all these strange animals.

She saw a big fat weird looking brown thing and ran up to it very excited,
"Hi, I'm a zebra. What are you?"
"I'm a cow."
"Right, right. What do you do?"
"I make milk for the farmer."
"Cool."

The zebra then saw this funny looking little white thing and ran over to it.
"Hi, I'm a zebra. What are you?"
"I'm a chicken."
"Oh, right. What do you do?"
"I make eggs for the farmer."
"Right, great, see ya round."

Then the zebra saw this very handsome beast that looked almost exactly like her without the stripes.
She ran over to it and said,
"Hi, I'm a zebra. What are you?"
"I am a stallion," said the horse.
"Wow," said the zebra. "What do you do?"

"Take off your pajamas, darling, and I'll show you."

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Sneaky's Slang O' The Day - B.I.T

Origin: Unknown

Definition: Bitch In Training. Preteen or teenage female with way too much attitude.

Example:
God, my kid sister has become a B.I.T. since she turned thirteen.

Thanks to Slang Site.

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Spooge's Spit Up - And Also Hard of Hearing

A 92-year-old man went to the doctor to get his annual physical.

A few days later the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

A couple of days later the doctor called the man on a follow-up and said,
"I wanted to stress to you what I told you after your exam last week."

The man replied, "Just doing what you said doctor, 'Get a hot mama and be cheerful'."

The doctor said, "That's not what I told you. I said you've got a heart murmur. Be careful."

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Sneaky's Slang O' The Day - Mammoslam

Origin: Unknown

Definition:
Masochistic diagnostic test for breast wellness. (Any female who's had one needs no explanation)

Example:
Rats! It's been a year and I'm due for my annual mammoslam. Damn, they hurt.

Thanks to SlangSite.com

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Spooge's Spit Up - Fire Arms Refresher Course


FIREARMS REFRESHER COURSE

1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.

2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.

3. Colt: The original point and click interface.

4. Gun control is not about guns; it’s about control.

5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?

6. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.

7. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.

8. If you don’t know your rights, you don’t have any.

9. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.

10. The United States Constitution (c)1791. All Rights Reserved.

11. What part of ‘shall not be infringed’ do you not understand?

12. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.

13. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.

14. Guns only have two enemies; rust and politicians.

15. Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety.

16. You don’t shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.

17. 911: Government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.

18. Assault is a behavior, not a device.

19. Criminals love gun control; it makes their jobs safer.

20. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.

21. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.

22. You have only the rights you are willing to fight for.

23. Enforce the gun control laws we ALREADY have; don’t make more.

24. When you remove the people’s right to bear arms, you create slaves.

25. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.

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Spooge's Spit Up - Road Rage, Women & Why Math Is Taught In School


Why Math is taught in School
(Written By A Very Wise Man)
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and gave the woman the finger. "Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself.

I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why I drive 48 miles each way every day to work. That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.

Statistically, females drive half of these.

That's 18,000 women drivers! In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.

That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life is dissatisfying or unrewarding.

That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide.

That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.

That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.

Give one the finger? ...... I think not.

Author Unknown

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Spooge's Spit Up - Great Con Artists

In 1872, veteran prospectors Philip Arnold and John Slackbought $35,000 worth of diamonds in Europe and scattered them on land in Wyoming.
They managed to convince the Bank of San Francisco they had discovered a diamond field and made $700,000.

Starting in 1921, Oscar Merril Hartzell began a scam selling fake shares in the estate of Sir Francis Drake. He contactedas many families as he could find with the surname Drake and was eventually accused of defrauding 270,000 people. The hoax netted him over $2,000,000.

When J. Bam Morrison arrived at Wetumka, Oklahoma in 1950, he claimed to be the advance publicity man for Bohn's United Circus, which, he maintained, was due to hit town in three weeks. He allegedly sold advertising space to local traders...for a circus that didn't exist.

By forging signatures, James Addison Reavis was able to claim he was the legal owner of 17,000 square miles of Arizona. The enterprise raked in $300,000 a year until he was arrested in 1895 and he was sentenced to six years in prison.

Joseph Weill, who inspired the movie "The Sting," rented abandoned banks and convinced businessmen that he had set up a genuine bank. He waited for them to deposit large sums of mon-ey before shutting down and moving on to the next town. This, plus some of his other scams, earned him over $6,000,000.

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Sneaky's Slang O' The Day - Bogart

Origin: Easy Rider, possibly during the 1960s as a drug reference. The band Fraternity of Man has a song called "Don't Bogart Me," circa the late 1960s. Lyrics include: "Don't bogart that joint, my friend, pass it over to me." It has been theorized that the term is an allusion to Humphry Bogart, an American actor who always had a cigarette hanging from his lips. To "bogart" a joint, then, would be letting it hang from one's lips without passing it on

Description:
to steal, monopolize, or hog.

Example:
Don't bogart my Joint!

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Spooge's Spit Up - One Call

The two teenagers were arrested for public lewdness and possession of marijuana when they were found naked, each smoking a joint, sitting on the edge of the fountain in the town square.

The arresting officer told them they were entitled to a phone call, since he was unable to reach either parent.

Some time later, a man entered the station and the sergeant said,
"I suppose you're the kids' lawyer."

"Nope," the chap replied.
"I'm just here to deliver them a pizza."

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Spooge's Spit Up - Yet Another Conspiracy Theory

The Secret behind the number 11

Pretty Chilling - read to the bottom. Try it out.
If you are a sceptical person - still read on as it's actually very interesting!!
This is actually really freaky!! (Mainly the end part, but read it all first)
1) New York City has 11 letters2) Afghanistan has 11 letters.3) Ramsin Yuseb has 11 letters. (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin Towers in 1993) 4) George W Bush has 11 letters.

This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets interesting: 1) New York is the 11th state.2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number 11. 3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 114) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers, was carrying 65 passengers. 6 + 5 = 115) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1+ 1 =116) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number 911.

Sheer coincidence..?

Read on and make up your own mind:
1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes was 254.
2 + 5 + 4 = 11
2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year.
3) The Madrid bombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11. 4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers incident.
Now this is where things get totally eerie:

The most recognized symbol for the US, after the Stars & Stripes, is the Eagle. The following verse is taken from the Koran, the Islamic holy book:
"For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace."
That verse is number 9.11 of the Koran.

Unconvinced about all of this still ..?

Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end:
Please do the following:
1. Highlight the Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane to hit one of the Twin Towers.2. Change the font size to 48.4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS…………………… What do you think now????

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Spooge's Spit Up - Beat A Dead Horse


The Sergeant went into the barracks one Monday morning to find that none of his G.I.s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily.

"Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The Sergeant was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G.I. go. Moments later, eight more G.I.s came up to the Sergeant panting and he asked them why they were late. Each had the same excuse.


"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."

The Sergeant eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A tenth G.I. jogged up to the Sergeant, panting heavily. "Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but..."

"Let me guess," the Sergeant interrupted, "it broke down."

"No," said the G.I. "There were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them."

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Spooge's Spit Up - One Thing

When a mother teased her four-year-old daughter by suggesting she liked a certain boy in her kindergarten class, the little girl was quite indignant.
"No mommy, I don't," she replied, "because he's only interested in one thing."
Shocked, the mother cautiously asked what that might be.

"Power Rangers, of course!" said the toddler.

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Sneaky's Slang O' The Day - Zebra Logic

Origin: Unknown


Definition:
If you hear hooves, think horses not zebras. Those guilty of zebra logic are constantly looking for the exception to the rule.

Example:
Using her uncanny zebra logic, Jen suggested that the holes in her clothes were
caused by my Martian death rays.
Thanks to Slang Site

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Spooge's Spit Up - The Seven Dwarfs


The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.
Grumpy leads the pack. "Grumpy, my son," says the Pope, "What can I do for you?"
Grumpy asks, "Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, "No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."
In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.

Grumpy turns back, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, "No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe. "
This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare.

Grumpy turns back and says, "Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"

The Pope, really confused by the questions says, "I'm sorry, my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting......


"Grumpy shagged a penguin!" "Grumpy shagged a penguin!"

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Spooge's Spit Up - If Men Ruled The World

IF MEN RULED THE WORLD: TOP 26 LIST

1. Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

2. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

3. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

4. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

5. Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.

6. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

7. "Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

8. At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

9. It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

10. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place.
" Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

11. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

12. Garbage would take itself out.

13. Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

14. Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

15. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

17. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day, too.

18. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.

19. “COPS” would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

20. The only show opposite “Monday Night Football” would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".

21. The candle shops in the mall would sell candles that smell like whiskey and beer.

22. Women would have to obtain a license before wearing spandex or short shorts (sorta like conceal carry laws).

23. Women suffering from PMS would be required to wear a burka.

24. Gun racks would be standard on all American cars.

25. There would be a device that automatically raised and lowered toilet seats.

26. 2006 Cloning Act:"Only Jessica Alba may be cloned."

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Sneaky's Slang O' The Day - PEBKAC


Origin: Used by tech support when answering a stupid computer question.

Definition:
Problem Exists Between Keyboard and Chair.

Example:
Your e-mail isn't working? Don't worry, we'll fix it--probably just a PEBKAC.


Thanks to Slang Site

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Sneaky's Slang O' The Day - I.D.10.T

Origin: Telecom Slang

Definition:
Stupid

Example:
Caller: "What is wrong with my computer?"
Operator: "I am sorry but it is a problem code I.D.10.T - in other words you need to turn your computer on".

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Spooge's Spit Up - Monkey Business


A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it, the monkey jumps around all over the place.

The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some limes and eats them; he then jumps onto the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screamed at the guy,
"Did you see what your monkey just did?"
"No, what?" said the guy.
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little jerk. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
He finished his drink, paid the bill and left the bar.

Two weeks later, he's in the bar again and he has his monkey with him.
He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around.
While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.

"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"Now what?" inquires the patron.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it." says the barkeeper.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy.
"He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first."

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Spooge's Spit Up - Gambling Voices


A guy went home from work one night and heard a voice. The voice whispered to him:
"Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas."
The man was disturbed about what he heard and ignored the voice.

The next day when he got home from work, the same thing happened. The voice whispered to him:
"Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas."
Again the man ignored the voice, though he was very troubled by the event.

Every day, the man was tormented by the same voice when he came home from work:
"Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas."
Each time the man heard the voice he became increasingly upset.

Finally, after two weeks, he succumbed to the pressure.
He quit his job, sold his house, got together all his money and headed to Vegas.
The moment the man got off the plane in Vegas, the voice told him,
"Go to Harrah's."
So he hopped in a cab and rushed over to Harrah's. As soon as he set foot in the casino, the voice echoed,
"Go to the roulette table."
The man did as he was told. When he arrived at the roulette table, the voice firmly told him,
"Put all your money on 17."
Nervously, the man cashed in his money for chips and then put them all on 17.
The dealer wished the man good luck and spun the roulette wheel. Around and around the ball caromed.

The man anxiously watched the ball as it slowly lost speed until finally it settled into number . . . 21. The voice said,
"Damn..."

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Spooge's Spit Up - Religion


In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.

The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed,

"Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"

The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air.

Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused. Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said,

"Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive...."

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Sneaky's Slang O' The Day - Kick Back




Origin: Unknown

Definition: noun: money paid generally to an official for covertly assisting an organization, individual, or initiative.

Example: The congressman received a ten-percent kick back for supporting the legislation that would give the mining company exclusive rights to the region.

Definition: verb: recline, as in a reclining chair.

Example:
"Kick back and put your feet up," which means "Relax!"


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Sneaky's Slang O' The Day - ROTFLOL


Origin: Text Slang

Definition:
Rolling On The Floor Laughing Out Loud

Example:
Man that was funny i am ROTFLOL

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Spooge's Spit Up - 5 Toughest Questions A Woman Can Ask A Man


The Questions Are:

What are you thinking about?
Do you love me?
Do I look fat?
Do you think she is prettier than me?
What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e tells the truth).
Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1:
What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is:
"I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."
This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
Baseball.
Football.
How fat you are.
How much prettier she is than you.
How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")

Question # 2:
Do you love me?

The proper response is:
"YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."
Inappropriate responses include:
I suppose so.
Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
That depends on what you mean by love.
Does it matter?
Who, me?

Question # 3:
Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Among the incorrect answers are:
Compared to what?
I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
A little extra weight looks good on you.
I've seen fatter.
Could you repeat the question?
I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4:
Do you think she's prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include:
Yes, but you have a better personality
Not prettier, but definitely thinner
Not as pretty as you, when you were her age
Define 'pretty'
Could you repeat the question?
I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question #5:
What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question.
(The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Corvette.")
No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:
She....Would you get married again? - He.....Definitely not!
She....Why not - don't you like being married? - He.....Of course I do.
She....Then why wouldn't you remarry? - He.....Okay, I'd get married again.
She....You would? (With a hurtful look on her face) - He.....Yes, I would.
She....Would you sleep with her in our bed? - He.....Where else would we sleep?
She....Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? - He.....That would seem like the proper thing to do.
She....And would you let her use my golf clubs? - He.....She can't use them; she's left-handed.

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Spooge's Spit Up - Top 10 Strangest Conspiracy Theories

Dinosauroid-like Alien Reptiles are dominating the World

Christine Fitzgerald, a confidante of Diana, Princess of Wales, claims that Diana told her that the Royal Family were Reptilian aliens, and that they could shapeshift. David Icke's --BBC reporter-- claims that humanity is actually under the control of dinosauroid-like alien reptiles who must consume human blood to maintain their human appearance. "Evidence" goes from Sumerian tablets describing the "Anunnaki" (which he translates as "those who from heaven to earth came"), to the serpent in the Biblical Garden of Eden, to child abuse, fluoridation, and the genealogical connections between the Bush family and the House of Windsor. Icke theorizes that the reptilians came here from the constellation Draco. Like most conspiracy theories, falsification of Icke's hypotheses is nearly impossible, but Icke continues to sell books and give speaking engagements based on concepts ranging from the New Age to his political opinions.

Apollo 11 Moon Landings were faked by NASA

Proponents of the Apollo moon landing hoax accusations allege that the Apollo Moon Landings never took place, and were faked by NASA with possible CIA support. Enthusiasts of this theory claim that: The astronauts could not have survived the trip because of exposure to radiation The photos were altered: the Crosshairs on some photos appear to be behind objects, rather than in front of them where they should be The quality of the photographs is implausibly high. There are no stars in any of the photos, and astronauts never report seeing any stars from the capsule windows. Identical backgrounds in photos that are listed as taken miles apart. The moon's surface during the daytime is so hot that camera film would have melted. No blast crater appeared from the landing The launch rocket produced no visible flame. The flag placed on the surface by the astronauts flapped despite there being no wind on the Moon.

September 11 was orchestrated by the U. S. government

A number of urban myths, alternative hypotheses and conspiracy theories have been formulated to explain the events of September 11th: The U.S., Israel or Iraq government orchestrated the attacks themselves. The Twin Towers fell straight down, at close to free-fall speed. This is a similar characteristic of a controlled demolition. The dust cloud and its make up are considered un-characteristic of a gravity-driven collapse. It is often pointed out that no steel building before or since the 9-11 attack has collapsed as the result of fire. The rubble of the Twin Towers smoldered for weeks after the collapse. This claim is meant to point out that steel could only have smoldered as a result of pre-placed explosives. Some consider photographic evidence of the plane lying on the grounds of the Pentagon to be ambiguous and unconvincing, citing a visual lack of burnt metal, human remains, passenger's luggage or seats. The Pentagon was struck in a newly renovated, reinforced section. Some speculate this location, the west side of the complex, to be indicative of government involvement, noting it as an attempt to reduce casualties. Flight 77 was able to fly in the direction of the DC and Pentagon area for approximately 40 minutes without interception. This is thought to be unusual given the Pentagon's close proximity to Andrews Air Force Base. There are claims that anti-missile batteries at the Pentagon should have intercepted Flight 77. The FBI confiscated a video, which may have captured the impact, from a nearby gas station attended by Jose Velasquez. This video has not yet been released.

Barcodes are really intended to Control people

Some conspiracy theorists have proposed that barcodes are really intended to serve as means of control by a putative world government, or that they are Satanic in intent. Mary Stewart Relfe claims in "The New Money System 666" that barcodes secretly encode the number 666 - the Biblical "Number of the Beast". This theory has been adopted by other fringe figures such as the "oracle" Sollog, who refuses to label any of his books with barcodes on the grounds that "any type of computer numbering systems MANDATED by any government or business is part of the PROPHECY of the BEAST controlling you."

Charlemagne never existed, is a fictional character

Phantom time hypothesis is a theory developed by Heribert Illig which suggests that the Early Middle Ages (614–911 CE) never occurred, meaning that all artifacts attributed to this time period were from other times, and all historical figures were outright fabrications. One consequence of Illig's hypothesis is that Charlemagne never existed but is a fictional character. The vast majority of historians believe this theory to be complete fiction, as all cited evidence can be considered circumstantial.

The Truth is out there, on Area 51

The secretive nature of Area 51 and undoubted connection to classified aircraft research, together with reports of unusual phenomena, have led Area 51 to become a centerpiece of modern UFO and conspiracy theory folklore. Some of the unconventional activities claimed to be underway at Area 51 include: The storage, examination, and reverse engineering of crashed alien spacecraft (including material supposedly recovered at Roswell), the study of their occupants (living and dead), and the manufacture of aircraft based on alien technology. Meetings or joint undertakings with extraterrestrials. The development of exotic energy weapons (for SDI applications or otherwise) or means of weather control. Activities related to a supposed shadowy world government.

Microsoft sends messages on Wingdings Font

The Wingdings Font included with Windows has a history of controversy. In 1992, only days after the release of Windows 3.1, it was discovered that the character sequence "NYC" in Wingdings was rendered as Skull and crossbones symbol, Star of David, and thumbs up gesture. This could be interpreted as a message of approval of killing Jews, especially those from New York City. Microsoft strongly denied this was intentional, and insisted that the final arrangement of the glyphs in the font was largely random. Various other combinations of Wingings characters are alleged to have special significance by conspiracy theorists, but these results are likely purely coincidental.

U.S. military caused the 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami

Popular Arab news services claim the U.S. and Indian militaries deliberately caused the Indian Ocean tsunamis with electromagnetic pulse technology. Another type of theory bases its claims on oil and gas interests. Others also reason that the technology is at least feasible if not highly probable since research into such technology has been conducted by the military as far back as World War II.

The Nazis had a Moon Base

Esoteric Hitlerists and conspiracy theorists interested in Nazi mysticism and World War II have speculated that the Germans landed on the Moon as early as 1942. According to other theories it is believed that the Nazis had made contact with 'half a dozen' alien races, including the malevolent Reptilians.

Kentucky Fried Chicken makes black men impotent

It is sometimes claimed that the Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise is owned by the Ku Klux Klan, and the chicken is laced with a drug that makes only black men impotent. Ironically, the KFC franchise is actually owned by an African-American.

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Spooge's Spit Up - Southernisms

Southernisms

1.) Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you don't "HAVE" them, --you "PITCH" them.

2.) Only a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens,peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess."

3.) Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."

4.) Only a true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly."

5.) All true Southerners, even babies, know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.

6.) All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is.They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.

7.) Only a true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'!)

8.) Only true Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.

9.) Only a true Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

10.) No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.

11.) A true Southerner knows that "fixin'" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

12.) Only a true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger," a first name or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.

13.) Only true Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues", we do "lines," and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!

14.) Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.

15.) True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all."

16.) True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.

17.) Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.

18.) When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin' .. ," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!

19.) Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

20.) And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.

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Sneaky's Slang O' The Day - M.A.C.H.O.

M.A.C.H.O. an acronym for Male(s) Acting Childish, Hormonal (and) Obnoxious. used with a touch of sarcasim.

Example:
random guy is picking on someone. observer: oh, how m.a.c.h.o.

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Sneaky's Slang O' The Day - Yada

Origin: American Slang

Definition:
et cetera

Example:
We went to the mall, saw some friends, yada yada yada, the usual stuff.

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Spooge's Spit Up - NZ Santa's Freedom of Speech Upheld

Recruitment company Westaff has instructed its Santas at Australian malls to tone it down, or say "Ha Ha Ha".

Kiwi Santas will get to say whatever they like when greeting children, even the now controversial "ho, ho, ho".

Recruitment agent Westaff hit headlines in Australia after claims that Santa trainees had been told to replace their "ho, ho, hos" with "ha, ha, ha" as it might scare children and offend women.
Westaff Australia's national manager Glen Jansz told Adelaide's Sunday Mail claims there were concerns the term "ho" could be offensive were false but confirmed the edict had been issued.

"The reason behind that is we find that in some cases the little kids can get a little bit scared of the deep `ho, ho, hos' and we ask them to be mindful of keeping their voices to a lower level," he said.

Westaff New Zealand has no such qualms, claiming their Santas are trained to deal with anyone from the most brazen to the meekest of children and would make up their own minds as to the most appropriate phrase for each child.

The agency, which employs about 70 Santas in shopping centres nationwide, even included the traditional "ho, ho, ho" catchphrase in its advertisement on job-hunting website Seek.

-NZPA

Thanks to NZ Herald



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Spooge's Spit Up - ET Caught!!!

After 20 years of exhaustive and unrelenting investigation, the FBI's most wanted fugitive, 'E.T.' was finally apprehended today, in a trailer park in North Carolina...



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Spooge's Spit Up - Paris Hilton Worries About Drunk Elephants

Socialite Paris Hilton has spoken out about the plight of binge-drinking wild elephants in India.

The Press Association reported the concerned star spoke out after hearing about six wild elephants in Meghalaya that were electrocuted after breaking into a farm and drinking home-made rice beer.
Once drunk, the elephants uprooted an electricity pole.

"There would have been more casualties if the villagers hadn't chased them away. And four elephants died in a similar way three years ago," Paris said.
"It is just so sad. The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous.
"We need to stop making alcohol available to them."

The concerned star has been praised by animal rights activists for speaking out.
A People for Animals spokesperson said a celebrity endorsement from Paris would raise awareness of the issue.
He encouraged Paris to visit areas where the wild elephants lived.
Paris has vowed to change her image after a stint in jail earlier this year.
She planned to visit Rwanda on a charity mission, but this has been postponed.
DON'T DRINK: Paris Hilton is concerned about the plight of drunk elephants in India.


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Spooge's Spit Up - Ain't That The Truth

1. Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2. At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3. one of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

4. You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5. Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.

6. Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7. Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

8. You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

9. Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

10. You never know where to look when eating a banana.

11. Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.

12. Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.

13. Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

14. You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

15. Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

16. The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.

17. The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

18. Some days you see lots of people on crutches.

19. Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.

20. Old women with mobile phones look wrong!

21. Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

22. Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

23. You never ever run out of salt.

24. Old ladies can eat more than you think.

25. You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

26. There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.

27. No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

28. Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

29. The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.

30. People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

31. You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.

32. Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.

33. Bricks are horrible to carry.

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