Unsolicited email earned the name "spam" because it resembled a Monty Python skit where a chorus of Vikings drowned out other sounds by singing "spam, spam, spam."
Origin: Unknown
Definition: Acting like a complete jackass.
Example: Derek was displaying some quality jackassery in the bar last night.
Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
Alfred E. Newman
Are you a politician asking what your country can do for you, or a zealous one asking what you can do for your country? If you are the first, then you are a parasite; if the second, then you are an oasis in the desert.
Kahlil Gibran
I remain just one thing, and one thing only, and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician.
Charlie Chaplin
If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
Jay Leno
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
Rodney Dangerfield
A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground.
Henry Louis Mencken
There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.
Will Rogers
Many a politician wishes there was a law to burn old records.
Will Rogers
Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory.
John Kenneth Galbraith
The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
Larry Hardiman
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
Ronald Reagan
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
The skin was moist and dry.
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
The patient was prepped and raped in the usual manner.
Examination reveals a well-developed male laying in bed with his family in no distress.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
She is numb from her toes down.
Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
While in the emergency room, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
The patient suffers from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
Every year, Grandma and her grandkids, Suzy, Jill, and Billy come stay with her over Christmas. And every Christmas Eve they would make a big bowl of cookie dough so they could make cookies on Christmas Day. And every time, the next morning the cookie dough would be gone. The grandma could never catch them, so this year she put metal bb's in the cookie dough. The next morning, the cookie dough was gone and soon Suzy came running downstairs.
''Grandma, I went to the bathroom to pee and bb's came out.''
"Suzy," Grandma said. "I know you've been eating cookie dough. Sit down." Then Jill came down and said ''Grandma, I went poo and there were bb's in it.''
"Jill, I know you've been eating cookie dough. Sit down." About five minutes later little Billy came.
''Grandma something terrible has happened, I was jerking off in the garage and I shot the cat!''
Forty-eight years after winning the women's 100 metres final at the 1932 Olympics, American Stella Walsh was revealed to be a man.
The secret came to light in 1980 when Walsh was shot dead during a Cleveland armed robbery.
Origin: Star Wars Slang
Definition: Someone who has become one with the couch. From Jabba the Hutt of the Star Wars movie series.
Example: Get off the couch and stop being such a jabbaist, yelled her mother.
If I bought a teddy for $10, called it 'Mohammed' then
sold it for $20, have I made a prophet?
sold it for $20, have I made a prophet?
'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed. He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks. I have a good mind to scrap the whole works! I've busted my ass for damn near a year, Instead of 'Thanks Santa'--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night. The elves want more money, The reindeer all fight. Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids. Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter, They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days--they all are the pits They want the impossible--Those mean little shits I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them, They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!
Flying through the air...dodging the trees, Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees. I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.
There's No Christmas this year now you know the reason, I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season
Cosmetic surgery is terrifying. It never looks good. Those women look weird. They look in the mirror and think they look great, but they don't see what we see. I think it's hideous. They scare small children.
- Model Jerry Hall
I'd like to grow old with my face moving.
- Kate WinsletActress on why she would not consider cosmetic surgery.
Actresses have to be able to frown.
- Catherine Deneuve Screen legend on why she is against cosmetic surgery.
It wasn't a fortune. It cost me the price of one-and-a-half Hermes handbags.
- Anne Robinson - British TV personality on her cosmetic surgery.
Plastic surgery and breast implants are fine for people who want that, if it makes them feel better about who they are. But, it makes these people, actors especially, fantasy figures for a fantasy world. Acting is about being real being honest.
- Kate Winslet
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
- Joan Rivers
Mrs Feodor Vassilyev who lived in Shuya, Russia, in the 18th century, gave birth to a record 69 Childred!!! (OWWW!!!)
Origin: Australian Slang
Definition: exclamation of surprise or disgust.
Example: S'truth, she's hot!
Roman Emperor Caligula was so upset by the death of his sister Drusila that he imposed a year of mourning. During this time, everyone in the empire was forbidden to dine with his family, laugh or take a bath.The penalty for transgression was death!!!
Origin: American SlangDefinition: A newcomer or novice--newbie.
Example: That n00b didn't know what he was doing; all the experienced players laughed at him.
Before.....
After...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Before Marriage - - -
Boy: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: NO! Don't even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course! Over and over!
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: NO! Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get!
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Darling!
After marriage - - - simply read from bottom to top
THIS IS BRILLIANT!!!
If you cannot decipher anything, then try pulling the corner of your eyes as if you were Chinese It works....
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
In a 1631 edition of the Bible, the word "not" was accidentally omitted from the Seventh Commandment, thus encouraging readers to commit adultery!!!
Origin: Text Slang
Definition: Life's A Bitch And Then Ya Die Usually in response to whining complaints.
Example: A. Can you believe it? He only gave me a 3% raise!B. Yeah, yeah, labatyd.
Sooty was accused of pushing hard drugs in the 1980's following an episode where he shut Sweep in a tranquilizing booth.
He was also charged with introducing sex into children's television when Soo his panda girlfriend was introduced in 1964, and of being anti-police after a storybook showed him attempting to hit PC Nab with a hammer!!!
Origin: American Slang
Definition: Unregistered Fat Chick. A bitchy overweight girl. Any nice fat girl would have her Registered Fat Chick license.
Example: Molly is a real U.F.C.
In New York, a fine of $25 may still be levied for flirtin. This old law prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way".A second conviction for this crime required the offender to wear a pair of racehorse blinkers whenever he goes out!!!
Origin: Hacker-speak.
Definition: Amazing, cool. For exclamations. Also used to describe someone.
Example: W00t! Sue owns me. Did you see how she took control of that gibson?
The simple ones are the best. You'll enjoy this...
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
----------
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?
Wrong Answer
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
----------
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All of the animals attend... except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there.This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
----------
4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.
A friend of mine is selling throws again this year for Christmas. You know what they are, the thingy that you throw over your bed to keep you warm.
I only have the one attached sample to show you now. I may have already solicited a few of you so if this is a repeat request, I apologize.
They are $63.00 each ---- I know it sounds expensive, but they are really good quality. I am getting 2--- one for my bed and one for my sofa.
Have a look, and let! me know if you are interested. Orders are due by this weekend!
(Scroll down for example of our throws)
HURRY THIS SALE WONT LAST LONG AND IS ONLY WHILE STOCKS LAST!!!
The following questions and answers were actually collected from SAT tests given in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16-year-old students! (Don't laugh too hard----one of these kids may be the President someday.)
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.
When conducting, Tchaikovsky used to hold his chin with his left hand because he was afraid his head would roll off his body!!!
Origin: Unknown
Definition: The sound that it makes when your balls hit your hand when masturbating. Or another name for the action of rough masturbating.
Example: I was fapping in the other room when my mom walked in because she heard loud faps.
A popular cure for whooping cough is 19th century Yorkshire was to drink soup containing nine frogs. But apparently it only worked if the patient didn't know in advance what was lurking in the soup.An alternative remedy was to feed the sufferer with milk which had previously had been partly lapped by a ferret, or passing the child three times under the belly of a donkey.
Origin: Unknown
Definition: An elderly white-haired person
Example: No wonder traffic is so slow, look at that Q-tip driving
The speed of an ejaculation has been measured at 28 mph.
That's 3 mph faster than a city bus, although there is not room for quite as many people on top!!
Origin: Unknown
Definition: the line of hair extending from the belly button to the genitals, especially in males.
Example: See that guy, man he is so hairy his happy trail must have a happy trail!!
Which do you think are true or false? Keep score and check at the end!
1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
2. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a bellybutton.
3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs.
4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.
5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop even your heart!
6. Only seven ( 7 ) per cent of the population are lefties.
7. 40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
8. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 yrs. old.
9. The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.
10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
11. The average housefly lives for one month.
12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.
16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.
18. The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and the parrot.
19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie."
20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem.
21. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
22. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane just in case there is a crash.
23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.
24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. They are reused in vein transplant surgery.
25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.
26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.
ALL OF THE ABOVE ARE TRUE!
1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
2. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a bellybutton.
3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs.
4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.
5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop even your heart!
6. Only seven ( 7 ) per cent of the population are lefties.
7. 40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
8. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 yrs. old.
9. The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.
10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
11. The average housefly lives for one month.
12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.
16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.
18. The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and the parrot.
19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie."
20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem.
21. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
22. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane just in case there is a crash.
23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.
24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. They are reused in vein transplant surgery.
25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.
26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.
ALL OF THE ABOVE ARE TRUE!
Saint Nicholas of Myra, the original Santa Claus, was the patron saint of children, thieves and pawnbrokers.
Based on previous surveys, 17 percent of you will embarrass yourselves in some way at your office Christmas party.
A Mongolian wild ass can run 8 mph faster than a reindeer.
It's Donder, not Donner.
Christmas pudding should be stirred from east to west.
56 percent of Americans sing holiday carols to their pets.
53 percent of Americans plan to "re-gift" this year.
1 in 3 men will wait until Christmas Eve to finish their shopping.
1 in 6 men would like to get rid of all the "gift-giving nonsense."
A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a pig prepared with mustard.
On Christmas Eve in 2001, the Bethlehem Hotel had 208 of its 210 rooms free.
It's "God rest ye merry, gentlemen," not "God rest ye, merry gentlemen."
There are 1.76 billion candy canes produced every year.
Kris Kringel, a man in his 40s, lives in North Pole, Alaska, and delivers pizzas for a living. He drives a 1984 Ford Tempo.
Based on a 1999 estimated population count of North America and Europe, on Christmas Eve of that year Santa Claus had to visit 42,466,666 homes in a 12-hour period -- that's 983 homes per second.
At an extravagant party during the reign of William III, the Hon Edward Russel used the fountain in his garden as a giant punch bowl for mixing drinks.The ingredients included 560 gallons of brandy, 130 pounds of sugar, 25,000 lemons, 20 gallons of lime juice and 5 punds of nutmeg.
Russell's butler rowed around the fountain in a small boat filling the puch cups for the guests.
Definition: To do something so stupid it gets you killed.
Example: He lit a match to see if there was any gas in his car's tank--darwined immediately when the car exploded.
Since the femail bedbug has no sexual opening, the male drills a vagina, using his penis as a drill.He then inserts his sperm into the female....ew!!!
Origin: American Slang
Definition: The phenomenon where one person says out loud the very thing another person is thinking
Example: Ya know, honey, we should get a tuba and start our own marching band. I was just thinking the same thing! You must be a radiohead.
Post your score in the comments
1, Ever laughed at someone's misfortune ? (1)
2, Ever laughed at a mentally or physically handicapped person ? (2)
3, Ever tried alcohol ? (1)
4, Ever been Drunk ? (2)
5, Ever play drinking games ? (2)
6, Ever Fall down because you drank to much ? (3)
7, Ever drink enough to throw up ? (4) Bonus - Throwing up on yourself or another person (1)
8, Ever wake up and not remember what you did the night before ? (5)
9, Ever been forcibly removed from a bar ? (8)
10, Ever participated in/finished a pub crawl ? (5)
11, Do you drink regularly, at least three times a week ? (3) Bonus - 1 point for each extra day (Max of 7)
12, Ever fall asleep/pass out in a bar? (4)
13, Ever try pot, hash, magic mushrooms ? (4 per drug tried)
14, Do you use drugs regularly ? (4) Bonus - more than four times a week (4)
15, Ever bought soft drugs ? (4)
16, Ever sell drugs ? (8)
17, Ever sold drugs to support a drug habit ? (12)
18, Ever used barbiturates ? (8)
19, Ever used hallucinogens ? (8)
20, Ever used narcotics ? (10)
21, Ever been stoned or drunk for more than 48 hours ? (8)
22, Ever Been on a date ? (2)
23, Ever been felt up, groped ? (2) Bonus - To orgasm (2)
24, Ever had sexual intercourse ? (6)
25, Ever had a bath or shower with a person of the opposite sex ? (5)
26, Ever paid for sex ? (8)
27, Ever taken advantage of someone while they were drunk/ stoned / incapacitated ? (4)
28, Ever get someone stoned /drunk in order to obtain sexual favours, and succeed ? (8)
29, Ever engage in oral sex ? (4) Bonus - To orgasm ? (2)
30, Ever engage in anal sex ? (6) Bonus - To orgasm ? (2)
31, Ever engage in the 69 position ? (4)
32, Ever contracted a STD? (12)
33, Ever had sex without a contraceptive ? (4)
34, Ever had or knowingly been responsible for an abortion ? (12)
35, Ever had sex with more than one person at a time ? (9)
36, Ever had sex with two or more partners in a week ? (4)
37, Ever had sex in a public place ? (6)
38, Ever had carpet burns in relation to a sexual act ? (4)
39, Ever engage in sexual activity with a member of the same sex ? (10)
40, Ever practiced bondage, masochism or sadism for sexual gratification ? (8)
41, Ever used sex toys ? (6)
42, Ever pass out during sex ? (5)
43, Ever been responsible for loosing someone else's virginity ? (4)
44, Ever masturbated while talking on the telephone ? (3)
45, Ever bought something in a sex shop ? (3)
46, Ever licked or have someone lick an eyeball ? (1) toes ? (2) ears ?(1)
47, Ever had sex with a relative ? (5)
48, Ever make someone sleep in the wet spot ? (6)
49, Does necrophilla, pedophilla or beastiality turn you on ? (20)
50, Ever been arrested ? (8) Bonus - Convicted ? (7)
Scoring:
0-20: A life in the church is too corrupt for you.
21-40: You barely make our scale.
41-60: approaching normal, you aren't much fun on a date.
61-100: Normal, you use your right hand like everyone else.
101-130: Above average, you've got a few tricks below the belt.
131-160: You're enjoying life to the max.
161-200: You're a danger to society. Who let you out on a day pass ?Above
200: You're going straight to hell
A husband was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of the head with a huge frying pan.
"What the heck was that for?" he asked. She replied,
"I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it..."
"Oh, dear, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Well, Marylou was the name of one of the horses I placed a bet on."
The explanation seems to appease her, and she leaves the room to go about her business.
Three days later, the man is again sitting in his chair reading the morning paper.
His wife abruptly hangs up the telephone and then whacks him on the back of the head with the huge frying pan.
"What the heck did I do wrong this time!" he asked.
She answered, "Your horse just called!"
A woman was looking for a used car to buy and saw an ad in the classifieds. It read: Brand new 1995 Mercedes Benz, slate blue, loaded , etc. Sell for $150.00.
She was astonished and decided to call the seller and check it out.
The woman selling the car was glad to show it to her and, to her surprise, the car was in perfect condition.
She asked the woman, "What's the catch? Why are you selling this car so cheaply?"
"Well," she said, "it's my husband's car actually, and he recently ran off with his young secretary. I got a telegram from him last week that read: 'In Miami. Need money. Sell car'."
A wealthy merchant of 84 married a 25-year-old fashion model.
They had a wonderful honeymoon in Aruba but, unfortunately, he suffered a coronary and was hospitalized.
When his young wife came to see him, the old man said, "Sweetheart, your future has been taken care of regardless of what happens to me. You will have an income of $250,000 a year, my home in Palm Springs, my ranch in Texas, my Mercedes. You'll never need to worry about money."
"Oh, sweetheart, please don't talk that way," his young wife exclaimed. "You've been so good to me already. If you go, I'll be devastated. Oh, there must be something I can do to help you. Please, tell me what I can do?"
"Well," the old man gasped, "you can quit pinching the inlet tube to my oxygen supply for starters."
Robert Heinbaugh of Plainsville, Ohio, has the distinction of being the first person in the world to be shot by a lawnmower....
As he cut the grass one evening, he ran over a live bullet which went off and shot him inthe foot.
His wife saw the funny side and mowed the rest of the lawn herself.
Origin: Drug Slang
Definition: To smoke.
Example: You got some pot? Then let's blaze.
Thanks to the Online Slang Dictionary
Prussian Field Marshall Prince Gebhard Leberecht von Blucher (pictured above), a hero at Waterloo, was convinced that he was pregnant with an elephant, fathered on him by a french soldier!!!
Origin: Someone's friend coined this at a party...
Definition:basically it is a mixed drink with really cheap ingredients, preferably one that is yellow in color like lemonade. A good example:a margarita on the rocks with just margarita mix and nasty no-name tequila.
Example: Why're you drinking that nasty ghetto lemonade? There's a whole case o' Mickey's in the cooler.
Thanks to Slang Site
After playing on the playground at school, Tommy came home with some new words in his vocabulary. Puzzled at what they meant, he went to his mother. "Mom, what's a pussy?"
Not at all shocked by the question, she opened up an encyclopedia and showed him a picture of a cat.
He then asked "What's a bitch?" Once again, not at all disturbed, she opened the encyclopedia and showed him a picture of a female dog.
Confused, little Tommy then went to his father. "Dad, what's a pussy?"
Dad felt that it was time for his son to learn about life, opened up a porno magazine and circled the area between a woman's legs.
Enlightened, Tommy asked him, "Then what's a bitch?"
His father replied, "Everything outside of the circle."
The average male adult can bench-press 88 percent of his body weight, having 70 to 80 pounds of muscle.
Origin: this term is a play on words. Airplanes have flight data recorders, commonly referred to as "black boxes." "Box" is slang for vagina. Hence, an "aviation blonde" is a girl with blonde hair, but with a "black box" (black pubic hair.)
Definition: A girl who has dyed her hair blonde.
Example: Yeah, she's an aviation blonde. Her natural color is brown.
Thanks to the Online Slang Dictionary
If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
Following the rules will not get the job done.
Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt.
Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done, and what you're going to do.
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
If you are good, you will complete all your assigned work. If you're really good, you'll get out of it.
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
Did You Know That.....
Donald Duck lives at 1313 Webfoot Walk, Duckburg, Calisota.
Origin: American Slang Definition: Mild insult to the mildly dippy. Usually reserved for someone doing something without calling upon common sense in the process.
Example: And then the man from the RAC told me my car was not working because I'd run out of petrol.You muppet!
Thanks to SlangSite
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