Sneaky's Daily Did You Know...? - SPAM
Unsolicited email earned the name "spam" because it resembled a Monty Python skit where a chorus of Vikings drowned out other sounds by singing "spam, spam, spam."
Sneak's Slip N' Slang - Jackassery
Origin: Unknown
Definition: Acting like a complete jackass.
Example: Derek was displaying some quality jackassery in the bar last night.
Spooge's Spit Up - Quotes About Politicians
Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
Alfred E. Newman
Are you a politician asking what your country can do for you, or a zealous one asking what you can do for your country? If you are the first, then you are a parasite; if the second, then you are an oasis in the desert.
Kahlil Gibran
I remain just one thing, and one thing only, and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician.
Charlie Chaplin
If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
Jay Leno
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
Rodney Dangerfield
A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground.
Henry Louis Mencken
There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.
Will Rogers
Many a politician wishes there was a law to burn old records.
Will Rogers
Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory.
John Kenneth Galbraith
The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.
Larry Hardiman
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
Ronald Reagan
Spooge's Spit Up - Funny Hospital Chart Notations
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
The skin was moist and dry.
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
The patient was prepped and raped in the usual manner.
Examination reveals a well-developed male laying in bed with his family in no distress.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
She is numb from her toes down.
Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
While in the emergency room, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.
The patient suffers from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
Spooge's Spit Up - Christmas Cookies
Every year, Grandma and her grandkids, Suzy, Jill, and Billy come stay with her over Christmas. And every Christmas Eve they would make a big bowl of cookie dough so they could make cookies on Christmas Day. And every time, the next morning the cookie dough would be gone. The grandma could never catch them, so this year she put metal bb's in the cookie dough. The next morning, the cookie dough was gone and soon Suzy came running downstairs.
''Grandma, I went to the bathroom to pee and bb's came out.''
"Suzy," Grandma said. "I know you've been eating cookie dough. Sit down." Then Jill came down and said ''Grandma, I went poo and there were bb's in it.''
"Jill, I know you've been eating cookie dough. Sit down." About five minutes later little Billy came.
''Grandma something terrible has happened, I was jerking off in the garage and I shot the cat!''
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - Oddballs
Forty-eight years after winning the women's 100 metres final at the 1932 Olympics, American Stella Walsh was revealed to be a man.
The secret came to light in 1980 when Walsh was shot dead during a Cleveland armed robbery.
Sneak's Slip N Slang - Jabbaist
Origin: Star Wars Slang
Definition: Someone who has become one with the couch. From Jabba the Hutt of the Star Wars movie series.
Example: Get off the couch and stop being such a jabbaist, yelled her mother.
Spooge's Spit Up - Conundrum
If I bought a teddy for $10, called it 'Mohammed' then
sold it for $20, have I made a prophet?
sold it for $20, have I made a prophet?
Spooge's Spit Up - The Updated Christmas Story
'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed. He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks. I have a good mind to scrap the whole works! I've busted my ass for damn near a year, Instead of 'Thanks Santa'--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night. The elves want more money, The reindeer all fight. Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids. Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter, They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days--they all are the pits They want the impossible--Those mean little shits I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them, They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!
Flying through the air...dodging the trees, Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees. I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.
There's No Christmas this year now you know the reason, I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season
Spooge's Spit Up - Thoughts on Plastic Surgery
Cosmetic surgery is terrifying. It never looks good. Those women look weird. They look in the mirror and think they look great, but they don't see what we see. I think it's hideous. They scare small children.
- Model Jerry Hall
I'd like to grow old with my face moving.
- Kate WinsletActress on why she would not consider cosmetic surgery.
Actresses have to be able to frown.
- Catherine Deneuve Screen legend on why she is against cosmetic surgery.
It wasn't a fortune. It cost me the price of one-and-a-half Hermes handbags.
- Anne Robinson - British TV personality on her cosmetic surgery.
Plastic surgery and breast implants are fine for people who want that, if it makes them feel better about who they are. But, it makes these people, actors especially, fantasy figures for a fantasy world. Acting is about being real being honest.
- Kate Winslet
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
- Joan Rivers
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - From Here to Maternity
Mrs Feodor Vassilyev who lived in Shuya, Russia, in the 18th century, gave birth to a record 69 Childred!!! (OWWW!!!)
Sneak's Slip N' Slang - S'truth
Origin: Australian Slang
Definition: exclamation of surprise or disgust.
Example: S'truth, she's hot!
Sneak'y Daily Did You Know....? - All Our Yesterdays
Roman Emperor Caligula was so upset by the death of his sister Drusila that he imposed a year of mourning. During this time, everyone in the empire was forbidden to dine with his family, laugh or take a bath.The penalty for transgression was death!!!
Sneak's Slip N Slang - n00b
Origin: American SlangDefinition: A newcomer or novice--newbie.
Example: That n00b didn't know what he was doing; all the experienced players laughed at him.
Spooge's Spit Up - Before & After Marriage
Before.....
After...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Before Marriage - - -
Boy: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: NO! Don't even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course! Over and over!
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: NO! Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get!
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Darling!
After marriage - - - simply read from bottom to top
Spooge's Spit Up - Chinese Eye Test
THIS IS BRILLIANT!!!
If you cannot decipher anything, then try pulling the corner of your eyes as if you were Chinese It works....
Spooge's Spit Up - The Bathtub Test
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - Write On
In a 1631 edition of the Bible, the word "not" was accidentally omitted from the Seventh Commandment, thus encouraging readers to commit adultery!!!
Sneak's Slip N Slang - LABATYD
Origin: Text Slang
Definition: Life's A Bitch And Then Ya Die Usually in response to whining complaints.
Example: A. Can you believe it? He only gave me a 3% raise!B. Yeah, yeah, labatyd.
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? Are You Sitting Comfortably?
Sooty was accused of pushing hard drugs in the 1980's following an episode where he shut Sweep in a tranquilizing booth.
He was also charged with introducing sex into children's television when Soo his panda girlfriend was introduced in 1964, and of being anti-police after a storybook showed him attempting to hit PC Nab with a hammer!!!
Sneak's Slip N Slang - U.F.C
Origin: American Slang
Definition: Unregistered Fat Chick. A bitchy overweight girl. Any nice fat girl would have her Registered Fat Chick license.
Example: Molly is a real U.F.C.
Sneaky['s Daily Did You Know....? - America's Loony Laws
In New York, a fine of $25 may still be levied for flirtin. This old law prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way".A second conviction for this crime required the offender to wear a pair of racehorse blinkers whenever he goes out!!!
Sneaky's Slang O' The Day - wOOt
Origin: Hacker-speak.
Definition: Amazing, cool. For exclamations. Also used to describe someone.
Example: W00t! Sue owns me. Did you see how she took control of that gibson?
Spooge's Spit Up - Intelligence Test
The simple ones are the best. You'll enjoy this...
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
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2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?
Wrong Answer
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
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3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All of the animals attend... except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there.This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
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4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four-year-old.
Spooge's Spit Up - Orders for Christmas
A friend of mine is selling throws again this year for Christmas. You know what they are, the thingy that you throw over your bed to keep you warm.
I only have the one attached sample to show you now. I may have already solicited a few of you so if this is a repeat request, I apologize.
They are $63.00 each ---- I know it sounds expensive, but they are really good quality. I am getting 2--- one for my bed and one for my sofa.
Have a look, and let! me know if you are interested. Orders are due by this weekend!
(Scroll down for example of our throws)
HURRY THIS SALE WONT LAST LONG AND IS ONLY WHILE STOCKS LAST!!!
Spooge's Spit Up - SAT Test Questions
The following questions and answers were actually collected from SAT tests given in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16-year-old students! (Don't laugh too hard----one of these kids may be the President someday.)
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (E.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section."
A: The caesarian section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport.
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - Barmy Beliefs
When conducting, Tchaikovsky used to hold his chin with his left hand because he was afraid his head would roll off his body!!!
Sneaky's Slang O' The Day - FAP
Origin: Unknown
Definition: The sound that it makes when your balls hit your hand when masturbating. Or another name for the action of rough masturbating.
Example: I was fapping in the other room when my mom walked in because she heard loud faps.
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - Curious Cures
A popular cure for whooping cough is 19th century Yorkshire was to drink soup containing nine frogs. But apparently it only worked if the patient didn't know in advance what was lurking in the soup.An alternative remedy was to feed the sufferer with milk which had previously had been partly lapped by a ferret, or passing the child three times under the belly of a donkey.
Sneaky's Slang O' The Day - Q-Tip
Origin: Unknown
Definition: An elderly white-haired person
Example: No wonder traffic is so slow, look at that Q-tip driving
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - Size Isn't Everything
The speed of an ejaculation has been measured at 28 mph.
That's 3 mph faster than a city bus, although there is not room for quite as many people on top!!
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