Quasi's The Best of The Man Babes 2009 Calendar
Did You Know....? - America's Loony Laws
In Nebraska, a parent can be arrested if his or her child can't hold back a burp during a church service. It is also against the law to sneeze in a Nebraska church. Meanwhile in God-fearing Alabama, it is illegal to wear a false moustache which causes laughter in church.
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Sarcasmic
Origin: Unknown
Definition: Deliciously sarcastic.
Example: Beth destroyed her debate opponent with an elegant, sarcasmic wit.
Friday Man Babe - David Boreanaz (Agent Booth)
Do you need any better reason to watch bones....NOM!?!
The Husband Of The Year Award Goes To.....
Woman has Man in it;
Mrs. has Mr . in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN ?
MEN strual cramps
MEN tal breakdown
MEN opause
GUY necologist
AND ..
When we have REAL trouble, it's a
HIS terectomy .
A History of Thanksgiving
A History of Thanksgiving
1492
Christopher Columbus discovers America, unless you count the native peoples already living there. Columbus doesn't. Columbus and crew celebrate by holding a dinner, giving thanks for their safe arrival. Embarrassment ensues when every Indian brings maize, and nobody brings pumpkin pie.
1620
Pilgrim men invent sport of football to avoid helping clean up after Thanksgiving dinner.
1671
First embarrassing drunken relatives at Thanksgiving dinner, as Captain John Smith's parents tell Pocahontas the "hilarious" old "I got lost in the maize" joke for the hundredth time.
1701
At a historic Thanksgiving dinner, Dutch settlers unveil historic "Indians Give Us All Of Their Land Treaty." Due to an unfortunate oversight, the Indians are left off of the invite list, and the treaty is signed without them.
1776
Excited that his British in-laws finally agreed to meet him for Thanksgiving dinner, silversmith Paul Revere rides through Boston announcing the news. Unfortunately, many colonists misinterpret his cry "the British are coming!" as a warning, leading to the Revolutionary War.
1812
At an international Thanksgiving dinner, King George of England, still hurting from losing the Revolutionary War, challenges United States President James Madison to "best 2 out of 3."
1860
At a Senate Thanksgiving dinner, the seven-year-old son of Alabama's Senator Richard Applebee insults the Senators from Massachusetts, New York, and Pennsylvania, sparking the Civil War. The tradition of the "children's table" is instituted in 1861.
1903
Canada steals idea of Thanksgiving holiday, placing it in October, so they can say it was their idea first.
1928
To commemorate "our nation's greatest era of prosperity that will last forever and ever," President Herbert Hoover dumps ceremonial ten thousand turkeys into the Potomac River.
1929
Following the Great Stock Market Crash, thousands of men go Turkey Diving in the Potomac River.
1957
Declaring her spicy stuffing "a communist threat to undermine my health via heartburn," Senator Joe McCarthy has his wife placed under arrest as a Soviet saboteur.
1969
The world's largest Eat-In event goes sour. Thousands of hippies start having bad trips when bad "brown gravy" gets passed around.
1991
When Dan Quayle takes ill on Thanksgiving; a turkey is sworn as Vice President for three days. No change is noticed.
1997
Strong natural tranquilizer tryptophane is discovered in turkey. A Colombian cartel immediately starts selling "pure" turkey on the streets for $500 an ounce. Turkey farmers get involved in drive-by shootings, and the U.S. government declares a national fowl emergency.
2002
America is on a terrorist alert. It is now against the law to stuff a turkey since anyone is suspicious of hiding explosives. Saddam Hussein is caught trying to smuggle Turkeys filled with WMD's in containers bound for the US.
1492
Christopher Columbus discovers America, unless you count the native peoples already living there. Columbus doesn't. Columbus and crew celebrate by holding a dinner, giving thanks for their safe arrival. Embarrassment ensues when every Indian brings maize, and nobody brings pumpkin pie.
1620
Pilgrim men invent sport of football to avoid helping clean up after Thanksgiving dinner.
1671
First embarrassing drunken relatives at Thanksgiving dinner, as Captain John Smith's parents tell Pocahontas the "hilarious" old "I got lost in the maize" joke for the hundredth time.
1701
At a historic Thanksgiving dinner, Dutch settlers unveil historic "Indians Give Us All Of Their Land Treaty." Due to an unfortunate oversight, the Indians are left off of the invite list, and the treaty is signed without them.
1776
Excited that his British in-laws finally agreed to meet him for Thanksgiving dinner, silversmith Paul Revere rides through Boston announcing the news. Unfortunately, many colonists misinterpret his cry "the British are coming!" as a warning, leading to the Revolutionary War.
1812
At an international Thanksgiving dinner, King George of England, still hurting from losing the Revolutionary War, challenges United States President James Madison to "best 2 out of 3."
1860
At a Senate Thanksgiving dinner, the seven-year-old son of Alabama's Senator Richard Applebee insults the Senators from Massachusetts, New York, and Pennsylvania, sparking the Civil War. The tradition of the "children's table" is instituted in 1861.
1903
Canada steals idea of Thanksgiving holiday, placing it in October, so they can say it was their idea first.
1928
To commemorate "our nation's greatest era of prosperity that will last forever and ever," President Herbert Hoover dumps ceremonial ten thousand turkeys into the Potomac River.
1929
Following the Great Stock Market Crash, thousands of men go Turkey Diving in the Potomac River.
1957
Declaring her spicy stuffing "a communist threat to undermine my health via heartburn," Senator Joe McCarthy has his wife placed under arrest as a Soviet saboteur.
1969
The world's largest Eat-In event goes sour. Thousands of hippies start having bad trips when bad "brown gravy" gets passed around.
1991
When Dan Quayle takes ill on Thanksgiving; a turkey is sworn as Vice President for three days. No change is noticed.
1997
Strong natural tranquilizer tryptophane is discovered in turkey. A Colombian cartel immediately starts selling "pure" turkey on the streets for $500 an ounce. Turkey farmers get involved in drive-by shootings, and the U.S. government declares a national fowl emergency.
2002
America is on a terrorist alert. It is now against the law to stuff a turkey since anyone is suspicious of hiding explosives. Saddam Hussein is caught trying to smuggle Turkeys filled with WMD's in containers bound for the US.
Turkey Day Toasts
A Toast for Friends & Family Here’s to friends both near and far: Here’s to woman, man’s guiding star:
Here’s to friends we’ve yet to meet,
Here’s to those here: all here I greet:
Here’s to childhood, youth, old age,
Here’s to prophet, bard and sage,
Here’s to health to every one,
Peace on earth, and heaven won!
-------------------
"Real abundance is found when we join hands with those we love."
anon
Thanksgiving Day is a jewel, to set in the hearts of honest men; but be careful that you do not take the day, and leave out the gratitude.
E.P. Powell
We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing.
George Carlin
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
Erma Bombeck
Here’s to friends we’ve yet to meet,
Here’s to those here: all here I greet:
Here’s to childhood, youth, old age,
Here’s to prophet, bard and sage,
Here’s to health to every one,
Peace on earth, and heaven won!
-------------------
"Real abundance is found when we join hands with those we love."
anon
Thanksgiving Day is a jewel, to set in the hearts of honest men; but be careful that you do not take the day, and leave out the gratitude.
E.P. Powell
We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing.
George Carlin
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
Erma Bombeck
Did You Know....? - Poptastic
Romanian folk singer Joan Melu failed to sell a single ticket
for her gig at the 2200 seater Capitol Theatre in
Melbourne in 1980.
Despite the absence of an audience, she proceeded to
fulfil her contractual obligation by giving a two
hour performance, complete with interval and encores
fulfil her contractual obligation by giving a two
hour performance, complete with interval and encores
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Damnage
Origin: Unknown
Definition: that which is not only damaged, but is damaged beyond repair. Generally used to describe something in writing.
Example: This has been damnaged.
Indiana Inmates Sneak Through the Ceiling to Have Sex
Three men (ages 44, 38 and 17) and three women (ages 27, 26 and 21) face felony charges after they figured out how to remove metal ceiling panels to sneak between cell blocks to have sex. They used their secret passageway at least a dozen times in the past 2 months in what they explain was created 'to help pass their time behind bars.'read more | digg story
OMG WTF!!! Court Unzips Fake Penis Drugs Scam
Two men who sold prosthetic penises enabling drugcheats to give fake urine samples have pleaded guilty to conspiracy in the United States, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reported.
Gerald Wills and Robert Catalano, the president and vice president of Puck Technology, entered guilty pleas Monday (local time) at a federal court in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
They were charged last month with selling the Whizzinator penis - a lifelike device used to emit clean, realistically warm urine instead of the user's true urine.
The device, which came with its own heating and Yellow River urine packs, was sold on the internet.
Wills, 65, and Catalano, 62, both from California, face sentencing on February 20, the Post-Gazette said.
Puck Technology has stopped operating, the report said.
- AFP
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