Barney the Pedophile Dinosaur

Man, I’m glad I was a kid before Barney was on. Apparently that big purple dinosaur taught kids a lot more than I ever expected. Like in this clip, “brushing your teeth” looks suspiciously like fellatio — something that eight-year-old boys aren’t supposed to be good at (exceptions: Catholic church, Thailand). Note the gargle at the end of the clip — you don’t even see porn stars with that kind of enthusiasm. Well, not female ones, anyway.

Today’s revelation: Barney’s “I Love You, You Love Me” is a song about group sex with children. Perv.