On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."

*Sign over a gynecologist's office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

*At a proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."

*On a Plumbers truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

*On a Plumbers truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

*Pizza shop slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

*At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

*On a plastic surgeon's office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

*At a towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

*On an electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

*In a nonsmoking area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

*On a maternity room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

*At an optometrist's office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

*On a taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

*In a podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

*On a fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

*At a car dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

*Outside a muffler shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

*In a veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

*At the electric company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will be."

*In a restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry .. Come on in and get fed up."

*In the front yard of a funeral home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

*At a propane filling station,
"Tank heaven for little grills."

*And don't forget the sign at a Chicago radiator shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."