On Santa


Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?
Tom Armstrong


I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
Shirley Temple Black


Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.
Victor Borge


I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man would be coming into my neighborhood after dark.
Dick Gregory


Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
Arlo Guthrie


I played Santa Claus many times, and if you don't believe it, check out the divorce settlements awarded my wives.
Groucho Marx "The Groucho Phile"

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