True Friendship "Kiwi Style"

None of that Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those piss weak 'friendship' poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.
You will see no cute little smiley faces on this card -- Just the stone cold truth of a great friendship.

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get smashed and plot revenge against the bastards who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you, by giving you copious amounts of alcohol.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.

4. When you are scared -- I will tease you about it every chance I get until you're NOT.

5.... When you are worried -- I will tell you stories about how much worse it could be until you stop whingeing.

6... When you are confused -- I will try to use only little words, and speak very slowly.

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk answers, "Yes, I am." So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.

He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, I haven’t found Jesus."

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus my brother?"

The drunk again answers, "No, I haven’t found Jesus."

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again — - but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God have you found Jesus?"

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,

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"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"