Spooge's Spit Up - The Happy Worker Kit

There are times when you just don’t feel like smiling at work. For these moments has been invented the happy worker kit. Here are the things you need and also the basic instructions on how to use it:

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Spooge's Spit Up - Pregnant Man Has Town in Uproar

See Video Here
The mountain town of Bend, Oregon, is not exactly famous for its progressive attitudes to sexual identity and family values. It's a part of the United States where men are expected to be men. They wear cowboy hats; carry hunting rifles in their pick-up trucks; and have partners who are both female and heterosexual.

So, when Thomas Beatie came out last week with the bombshell news that, first, he was a female-to-male transsexual and, second, he was five months pregnant, it didn't exactly prompt the local populace to throw him a ticker-tape parade.

In fact, it stirred a national, and international furore. Could the news possibly be true, or was this just another "pregnant man" hoax like others that have popped up in the news media over the years?
Beatie's neighbours, who assumed he was a regular guy with a wife and a small business, expressed both shock and scepticism when approached by reporters.

Beatie himself vanished after the publication of his announcement, which he made in the "First Person" column of the gay, lesbian and transgender magazine the Advocate.
A "closed" sign hung over the door of his screen-printing business (intriguingly called Define Normal) and nobody appeared to be at the home he shares with his wife, Nancy.

Born Tracy Lagondino, in Hawaii, he underwent a sex change about 10 years ago and became legally male, although he chose to keep his female reproductive organs. He lost his breasts and developed facial hair, which he trimmed into a neat beard.

He and Nancy, who have been together for as long as he has been a man, moved to Oregon two years ago and decided to start a family. Nancy had had a hysterectomy and was unable to conceive, so the task of getting pregnant fell to him.
He stopped taking testosterone, waited several months for his menstrual cycle to resume, and set about the business of artificial insemination.

A first pregnancy almost killed him - he conceived triplets ectopically and had to undergo emergency surgery. But now, according to his first-person account, he is pregnant with a child, a girl, who is due in July.
The Advocate said it had checked with Beatie's doctor to make sure his story was true, and several medical experts have come forward to say his pregnancy is within the bounds of medical possibility.

A photo accompanying his piece on the Advocate website shows him naked from the waist up with a bulge in his belly (see above).
He has dealt with nine doctors to date, including one who questioned whether he was fit to be a parent and another who bowed out, saying he didn't want to work with "someone like me".
Beatie's first-person account stressed that the desire for a child is universal, and suggested he had as much right to conceive and bear one as anybody else.


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Spooge's Spit Up - You Maybe From Canada If

You May Be From Canada If…

You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk."

You understand the phrase, "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."

You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.

You drink pop, not soda.

You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean.

You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars.

You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.

You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.

You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion and many more are Canadians.

You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!

You know what a touque is.

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed" not "Zee".

Your local newspaper covers the national news on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.

You know that the four seasons mean: almost winter, winter, still winter, and roadwork.

You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm day.

You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.

You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan." (Sas-Kat-chew-wan)

You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada."

You were in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

"Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary and more polite than, "Huh?"

You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all of your Canadian friends! Then you send them to your American friends just to confuse them...further.

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Spooge's Spit Up - Sport Quotes

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996:
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
"You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King:
"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to Prison for three years, not Princeton."

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

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Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - Animal Crackers

Millions of Scandinavian lemmings march to their death every four years. In the first year of life, reproduction is slow for the little rodent but it gathers pace over the next two years so that by the fourth, the femails are almost continually with young. At this point, panic seems to set in. The lemmings fear overcrowding and that there wont be sufficient food to go round. So they abandon their home and follow ancient migration paths to the sea in the hope of finding more living space. On the way, many drown trying to cross rivers. Others reach the coast but then plunge headlong over the cliffs to their deaths.

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Sneaks Slip'N Slang - Gaschmackalickinous

Origin: Unknown

Definition: A word used to describe the bizzare quality of lunch sandwiches which causes mid-afternoon gassiness. This word can also be used to describe a person suffering from said sandwich-related mid-afternoon gassiness.

Example: Sandwiches from that Deli are rather gaschmackalickinous.
Every time I go there on my lunch break, my coworkers suffer for it afterwards.

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Spooge's Spit Up - Bit of a Bummer

A German pensioner is suing a hospital after she checked in for an operation on her leg - and woke up to find she had been given a new anus.
The clinic in Hochfranken in Bavaria has suspended the surgical team concerned after they apparently mixed up the notes for two patients.
The woman complainant was expecting an operation on her leg, while another patient, suffering from incontinence, was scheduled for surgery on her sphincter.
The woman, who still needs to have the leg operation, is planning to sue the hospital and is looking around for another hospital to carry out the work.

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Spooge's Spit Up - The Anniversary

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs tolook for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table witha hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sipof his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee. "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

"Yes I do," she replies.

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.

"Do youremember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

"Yes, I remember," said the wife.

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter,or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'"

"I remember that, too," she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said,

"I would have gotten out today."

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Spooge's Spit Up - Fallacies

So much of what we take for granted as being true, upon greater scrutiny, ends up being just plain false. Collected here are some of our favorite punctured myths, misinformation and fallacies.

Sauerkraut didn’t originate in Germany as many people mistakenly believe. It got its start in China about 1,000 years before it became popular in Germany.

Lenin wasn’t Lenin’s real name. It was one of 151 pseudonyms Vladimir Ilyich Ulanov used during his lifetime.

Venetian blinds were invented in Japan, not Venice.

It might surprise you to find out men are far more likely to be moved to tears by music than women.

Most precious gems are actually colorless. Their color comes from impurities in the stone that act as pigmenting agents.

Short Line, of Monopoly fame, wasn’t actually a railroad. It was a bus company.

The London Bridge has never fallen down.

Those who do public speaking don’t stand behind a podium. They stand behind a lectern. A podium is the platform or stage on which a speaker stands.

Smokey the Bear didn’t always have that famous name. Originally, he was Hot Foot Teddy.

Although people think otherwise, a newborn baby can’t shed tears.

The Douglas Fir isn’t a fir—it’s a pine tree.

Buttermilk doesn’t contain butter.

It’s widely believed that Orville Wright became the first person to be killed in a plane crash. Actually, on September 17, 1908, U.S. Army Signal Corps lieutenant Thomas E. Selfridge became the first when he and Orville fell from the sky in Wright's airplane at Fort Meyer, Virginia.

Tennessee Williams wasn’t born in Tennessee. He was born in Columbus, Mississippi.

Shooting stars aren’t stars, of course. They're meteors.

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Spooge's Spit Up - Quotes

"Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats."
Howard Aiken

"He who stops being better stops being good."
Oliver Cromwell

"Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone."
Rodney Dangerfield

"Crime is the soul of lust. What would pleasure be if it were not accompanied by crime? It is not the object of debauchery that excites us, rather the idea of evil."
Marquis de Sade

"Good management is the art of making problems so interesting and their solutions so constructive that everyone wants to get to work and deal with them."
Paul Hawken

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Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - What a Coincidence

In 1898, retired Merchant Navy Officer Morgan Robertson wrote a novel, "The Wreck of the Titan", which uncannily predicted the Titanic didaster 14 years later.
Apart from the similarity in the names of the two ships, Robertson's Titan was also a huge, supposedly unsinkable British liner making its maiden voyage from Southampton to New York with 3000 passengers on board. It too struck an iceberg in the North Atlantic and sank with many people losing their lives because of the shortage of lifeboats.

In April 1935, a ship named the Titanian, carrying coal from Newcastle to Canada, almost suffered the same fate as the Titanic when encountering an iceberg in the same area of the North Atlantic. Luckily, Crewman William Reeves had a premonition of impending disaster and yelled "Danger Ahead!" to the navigator shortly before the iceberg became visible in the darkness. Reeves was born on 15 April 1912 - The day the Titanic sank.

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Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Whomie

Origin: Unknown

Definition: White people who dress up like Homies.

Example: Eminem is a Whomie

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Quasi's Vids - Hillary Clinton's Heroism in Bosnia

Ducking sniper fire, dodging bullets and pulling out a sidearm. Senator Clinton really was heroic in Bosnia!

It's funny how the mind can play tricks on you after 12 years, after all, everyone remembers meeting little children at some point in time and thinking that they were under sniper fire!

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Spooge's Spit Up - Escorts for Geeks

Escort agency launches virgin service for geeks

A Dutch escort agency is launching a special virgin service for computer geeks.

Sociology student Zoe Vialet, who set up Society Service last year, says she has had a lot of demand from virgins.
She says most of them work in the IT sector and added: "They are very sweet but are afraid of seeking contact with other people. They mean it very well but are very scared.
"Every booking lasts three hours minimum. Longer is possible, shorter not. We take the time to take a bath together, do a massage and explore each others body.
"When the date is over, you will have had a fantastic experience, and you will be able to pleasure a woman."

Zoe and her colleague Marieke have specially trained five girls to look after the needs of virgins, reports De Telegraaf.

She added: "You better practise before having a girlfriend. Woman expect men older than 30 having had some experience.
"Some men need a little bit of help. But it makes them happy and they are glowing .There is nothing more terrible than dying as a virgin."


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Spooge's Spit Up - Vacuum Screamer

A US mother-of-three has invented a sex toy that connects to a vacuum cleaner to give an orgasm in just ten seconds.
The gadget, called Vortex Vibrations, works by concentrating the air flow to create a rapid and gentle vibration, reports the Sun.

Inventor Joanne Drysdale claims it can give multiple, back-to-back orgasms lasting up to a minute a time - and it does not even touch the skin.
The 49-year-old former toolmaker was cleaning her carpets when she came up with the idea for Vortex, which sells for £35 through lovehoney.co.uk.

She saw how a piece of rubber that had got caught in the nozzle was gently resonating in the air flow. She also felt a soft stimulation to her fingertips as she tried to remove the rubber.

At the time Joanne, from Utah, had not had sex for 15 years following her divorce.
She said: "In my attempts to alleviate frustration, I began to think what I could do. I noticed how the rubber moved in the top of the vacuum.
"After several hours, I came up with the prototype. The first time I tried it I reached an orgasm within 10 seconds.
"That was when I knew I was on to something that could potentially bring pleasure to all women."

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Spooge's Spit Up - Plan A Bank Raid

Secretarial students at a Chinese university are being asked to plan a bank robbery for an assignment.
They have to work out how to rob a bank with a team of six within seven minutes, reports Information Times.

The students are all majoring in secretarial studies at Guangdong University of Foreign Studies.
They have to come up with a robbery action plan for a team comprising a leader, a lock breaker, a driver, two robbers and a gunman.

Professor He, who came up with the assignment, says it's aimed at teaching students how to allocate resources economically and efficiently.
"Students majoring in the arts usually do not have the training in thinking deliberately that students majoring in science do. So this also trains their thinking ability," he said.

The assignment involves teams of five or six students, with each team having to make its own presentation.
One student said: "We've never taken an assignment as seriously as this one. On our team, each person came up with a plan, and we picked the best one. We even timed ourselves on the college grounds."
Professor He doesn't think the assignment will encourage students to rob a bank for real: "They're adults, and know what's right and wrong," he added.


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Spooge's Spit Up - Great Billboard

Thanks Mistress

Update: As of today the 27th March 2008 - This billboard was taken down because some uptight so and so's dont have a sense of humour and were offended by this billboard.

I mean these people should unpucker and enjoy life, not everything out there is put up with the purpose to offend Maori people.

90% of the Maori people questioned about this thought that this billboard was great and they agree that the uptight old farts should pull finger and learn how to smile!!!

This is yet another case of Political Correctness going too far.

From TV 3 News

The Maori Language Commission has objected to a billboard at Auckland's Parnell Rise, claiming it is highly offensive in its use of the Maori language.

The billboard advertises Ace Rental Cars, who say it was meant to be a bit of harmless fun.
But Huhana Rokx from the Maori Language Commission says: “The presence of the billboard actually demeans me as a member of the Maori race. It demeans the Maori race, it demeans the Maori language. And I believe overall, New Zealand is demeaned as a result of this action.”

The billboard went up three weeks ago and according to the rental company it hadn't attracted complaints until today.

No one from Ace Rental Cars was available from comment today. But in a statement they apologised for any offence the billboard caused. The company says the ad was aimed at the New Zealand national identity rather than any one ethnic group. It is an explanation supported by the advertising company which came up with the wording of the billboard.

Mojo Advertising says: “It wasn't supposed to offend anyone. It was made up by a recently arrived Englishman who had had a bit of a giggle learning all the New Zealand place names. He intended it to appeal to tourists.”

But Rokx says: “If they were aware and made aware of what was actually happening through the advertising I think they would be highly insulted themselves. Our tourists that come here look for authenticity.”

And for those eager to decide on the merits of the billboard themselves, it is too late. Ace Rentals had the billboard removed an hour ago.

(Or you could look at the Pic above that was taken shortly before this billboard was removed)

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Spooge's Spit Up - You Know You're Australian If....

1. You know the meaning of the word "git".

2. You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

3. You think it's normal to have a leader called Kevin.

4. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.

5. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.

6. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when he first attends school.

7. When you hear that an American "roots for his team" you wonder how often and with whom.

8. You understand that the phrase "a group of women wearing black thongs" refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.

9. You pronounce Melbourne as "Mel-bin".

10. You pronounce Penrith as "Pen-riff".

11. You believe the "Au" and the "l" in the word "Australia" is optional.

12. You can translate: "Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas."

13. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

14. You call your best friend "a total bastard" but someone you really, truly despise is just "a bit of a bastard".

15. You think "Woolloomooloo" is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.

16. You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

17. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.

18. You understand that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga" but "Woy Woy" can't be called "Woy".

19. You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread.

20. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.

21. Hamburger. Beetroot. Of course.

22. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.

23. You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.

24. You still don't get why the "Labor" in "Australian Labor Party" is not spelt with a "u".

25. You wear ugh boots outside the house.

26. You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.

27. You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.

28. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.

29. You understand that "excuse me" can sound rude, while "scuse me" is always polite.

30. You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.

31. You understand that "you" has a plural and that it's "youse".

32. You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to touch.

33. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.

34. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call "Anzac cookies".

35. You still think of Kylie as "that girl off Neighbours".

36. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit.

37. You believe the phrase "smart casual" refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.

38. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.

39. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.

40. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.

41. You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.

42. You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says "cobber".And you will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand.

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Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - Barmy Beliefs

Composer Arnold Schoenberg was superstitious about the number 13. He died on Friday the 13th at 13 minutes to midnight.

Also Italian motor racing driver Alberto Ascari was another who was fearful of the number 13. He also used to become hysterical at the sight of a black cat and would refuse to drive past one. Instead he would turn his car around and seek an alternative route. Luckily for him, he didn't come across any on Grand Prix circuits.

When princess Margaret was born in 1930, the registration of her birth was delayed so that her number would not be 13.

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Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - IDGARA

Origin: Text Slang

Definition: I Don't Give A Rat's Ass.

Example: Friend is telling a pointless story. Your response: You know what? IDGARA. (So much for that friend.)

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Spooge's Spit Up - Outrage at Miss Bimbo Site

Parents' groups are horrified over a new internet game that is taking off in Britain, where tween girls are encouraged to compete for cash to give their virtual dolls facelifts, breast implants and a regime of diet pills to keep them skinny.

It's called Miss Bimbo and it's free to play until the contestants run out of virtual dollars. Then they have to send cell phone text messages costing US$3 each or use PayPal to top up their accounts.

You start with a naked virtual character and go from there, shopping for clothes, food and pets — and you can sell your items for a profit in Bimbo dollars. You can also play the lottery.

From the game:

Don't forget that the aim is to be the coolest, richest and most famous bimbo in the whole world/game. In order to do this, you must complete the Goals!

First three goals in the game? Like George Thorogood suggests, get a haircut, and get a real job.

1 Change your drab hairstyle to become a popular blonde with cool pigtails!

2 Rent your very own apartment. Bout time you got your own pad

3 Register yourself on a training course and get an exciting new job!

Parents are worried the game could send the wrong message about eating disorders and plastic surgery to young girls. Really? You have a target weight, a target IQ, you have to get your hair cut and go on a mission to meet guys at clubs — sort of a how-to guide to being Paris Hilton.

As CNN spells it out:

Users are given missions, including securing plastic surgery at the game's clinic to give their dolls bigger breasts, and they have to keep her at her target weight with diet pills, which cost 100 bimbo dollars.

Breast implants sell at 11,500 bimbo dollars and net the buyer 2,000 bimbo attitudes, making her more popular on the site.

And bagging a billionaire boyfriend is the most desirable way to earn the all important "mula" or bimbo dollars.

More from the Guardian:

Bill Hibberd, of parents' rights group Parentkind, said the game sent a dangerous message to young girls.

He said: "It is one thing if a child recognises it as a silly and stupid game.

"But the danger is that a nine-year-old fails to appreciate the irony and sees the bimbo as a cool role model. Then the game becomes a hazard and a menace.

"Children's innocence should be protected as far as possible. It depends on the background and mindset of the child but the danger is that after playing the game some will then aspire to have breast operations and take diet pills."

Miss Bimbo's sister Web site Ma Bimbo started in France last year and was condemned by dieticians and parents. One parent threatened the creators with legal action after his daughter ran up a £100 mobile bill sending texts without his knowledge.

The British version already has nearly 200,000 players, most of whom are girls aged between 9 and 16. There are 1.2 million players in France.

The creators of Miss Bimbo — surprise — say it's all just harmless fun:

Nicolas Jacquart, the 23-year-old web designer from Tooting, south London, who created it, said: "It is not a bad influence for young children. They learn to take care of their bimbos. The missions and goals are morally sound and teach children about the real world.

Photo: Screen shot of the Miss Bimbo Web site.

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