There are times when you just don’t feel like smiling at work. For these moments has been invented the happy worker kit. Here are the things you need and also the basic instructions on how to use it:
See Video HereThe mountain town of Bend, Oregon, is not exactly famous for its progressive attitudes to sexual identity and family values. It's a part of the United States where men are expected to be men. They wear cowboy hats; carry hunting rifles in their pick-up trucks; and have partners who are both female and heterosexual.
So, when Thomas Beatie came out last week with the bombshell news that, first, he was a female-to-male transsexual and, second, he was five months pregnant, it didn't exactly prompt the local populace to throw him a ticker-tape parade.
In fact, it stirred a national, and international furore. Could the news possibly be true, or was this just another "pregnant man" hoax like others that have popped up in the news media over the years?
Beatie's neighbours, who assumed he was a regular guy with a wife and a small business, expressed both shock and scepticism when approached by reporters.
Beatie himself vanished after the publication of his announcement, which he made in the "First Person" column of the gay, lesbian and transgender magazine the Advocate.
A "closed" sign hung over the door of his screen-printing business (intriguingly called Define Normal) and nobody appeared to be at the home he shares with his wife, Nancy.
Born Tracy Lagondino, in Hawaii, he underwent a sex change about 10 years ago and became legally male, although he chose to keep his female reproductive organs. He lost his breasts and developed facial hair, which he trimmed into a neat beard.
He and Nancy, who have been together for as long as he has been a man, moved to Oregon two years ago and decided to start a family. Nancy had had a hysterectomy and was unable to conceive, so the task of getting pregnant fell to him.
He stopped taking testosterone, waited several months for his menstrual cycle to resume, and set about the business of artificial insemination.
A first pregnancy almost killed him - he conceived triplets ectopically and had to undergo emergency surgery. But now, according to his first-person account, he is pregnant with a child, a girl, who is due in July.
The Advocate said it had checked with Beatie's doctor to make sure his story was true, and several medical experts have come forward to say his pregnancy is within the bounds of medical possibility.
A photo accompanying his piece on the Advocate website shows him naked from the waist up with a bulge in his belly (see above).
He has dealt with nine doctors to date, including one who questioned whether he was fit to be a parent and another who bowed out, saying he didn't want to work with "someone like me".
Beatie's first-person account stressed that the desire for a child is universal, and suggested he had as much right to conceive and bear one as anybody else.
- INDEPENDENT
You May Be From Canada If…
You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk."
You understand the phrase, "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."
You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.
You drink pop, not soda.
You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean.
You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars.
You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.
You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.
You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion and many more are Canadians.
You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!
You know what a touque is.
You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed" not "Zee".
Your local newspaper covers the national news on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.
You know that the four seasons mean: almost winter, winter, still winter, and roadwork.
You know that when it's 25 degrees outside, it's a warm day.
You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
You know how to pronounce and spell "Saskatchewan." (Sas-Kat-chew-wan)
You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada."
You were in grade 12, not the 12th grade.
"Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary and more polite than, "Huh?"
You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all of your Canadian friends! Then you send them to your American friends just to confuse them...further.
Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996:
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
"You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King:
"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to Prison for three years, not Princeton."
Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."
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Millions of Scandinavian lemmings march to their death every four years. In the first year of life, reproduction is slow for the little rodent but it gathers pace over the next two years so that by the fourth, the femails are almost continually with young. At this point, panic seems to set in. The lemmings fear overcrowding and that there wont be sufficient food to go round. So they abandon their home and follow ancient migration paths to the sea in the hope of finding more living space. On the way, many drown trying to cross rivers. Others reach the coast but then plunge headlong over the cliffs to their deaths.
Origin: Unknown
Definition: A word used to describe the bizzare quality of lunch sandwiches which causes mid-afternoon gassiness. This word can also be used to describe a person suffering from said sandwich-related mid-afternoon gassiness.
Example: Sandwiches from that Deli are rather gaschmackalickinous.
Every time I go there on my lunch break, my coworkers suffer for it afterwards.
A German pensioner is suing a hospital after she checked in for an operation on her leg - and woke up to find she had been given a new anus.
The clinic in Hochfranken in Bavaria has suspended the surgical team concerned after they apparently mixed up the notes for two patients.
The woman complainant was expecting an operation on her leg, while another patient, suffering from incontinence, was scheduled for surgery on her sphincter.
The woman, who still needs to have the leg operation, is planning to sue the hospital and is looking around for another hospital to carry out the work.
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs tolook for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table witha hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sipof his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee. "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes I do," she replies.
The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.
"Do youremember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"
"Yes, I remember," said the wife.
The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter,or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'"
"I remember that, too," she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said,
"I would have gotten out today."
So much of what we take for granted as being true, upon greater scrutiny, ends up being just plain false. Collected here are some of our favorite punctured myths, misinformation and fallacies.
Sauerkraut didn’t originate in Germany as many people mistakenly believe. It got its start in China about 1,000 years before it became popular in Germany.
Lenin wasn’t Lenin’s real name. It was one of 151 pseudonyms Vladimir Ilyich Ulanov used during his lifetime.
Venetian blinds were invented in Japan, not Venice.
It might surprise you to find out men are far more likely to be moved to tears by music than women.
Most precious gems are actually colorless. Their color comes from impurities in the stone that act as pigmenting agents.
Short Line, of Monopoly fame, wasn’t actually a railroad. It was a bus company.
The London Bridge has never fallen down.
Those who do public speaking don’t stand behind a podium. They stand behind a lectern. A podium is the platform or stage on which a speaker stands.
Smokey the Bear didn’t always have that famous name. Originally, he was Hot Foot Teddy.
Although people think otherwise, a newborn baby can’t shed tears.
The Douglas Fir isn’t a fir—it’s a pine tree.
Buttermilk doesn’t contain butter.
It’s widely believed that Orville Wright became the first person to be killed in a plane crash. Actually, on September 17, 1908, U.S. Army Signal Corps lieutenant Thomas E. Selfridge became the first when he and Orville fell from the sky in Wright's airplane at Fort Meyer, Virginia.
Tennessee Williams wasn’t born in Tennessee. He was born in Columbus, Mississippi.
Shooting stars aren’t stars, of course. They're meteors.
"Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats."
Howard Aiken
"He who stops being better stops being good."
Oliver Cromwell
"Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone."
Rodney Dangerfield
"Crime is the soul of lust. What would pleasure be if it were not accompanied by crime? It is not the object of debauchery that excites us, rather the idea of evil."
Marquis de Sade
"Good management is the art of making problems so interesting and their solutions so constructive that everyone wants to get to work and deal with them."
Paul Hawken
In 1898, retired Merchant Navy Officer Morgan Robertson wrote a novel, "The Wreck of the Titan", which uncannily predicted the Titanic didaster 14 years later.
Apart from the similarity in the names of the two ships, Robertson's Titan was also a huge, supposedly unsinkable British liner making its maiden voyage from Southampton to New York with 3000 passengers on board. It too struck an iceberg in the North Atlantic and sank with many people losing their lives because of the shortage of lifeboats.
In April 1935, a ship named the Titanian, carrying coal from Newcastle to Canada, almost suffered the same fate as the Titanic when encountering an iceberg in the same area of the North Atlantic. Luckily, Crewman William Reeves had a premonition of impending disaster and yelled "Danger Ahead!" to the navigator shortly before the iceberg became visible in the darkness. Reeves was born on 15 April 1912 - The day the Titanic sank.
Origin: UnknownDefinition: White people who dress up like Homies.
Example: Eminem is a Whomie
Ducking sniper fire, dodging bullets and pulling out a sidearm. Senator Clinton really was heroic in Bosnia!
It's funny how the mind can play tricks on you after 12 years, after all, everyone remembers meeting little children at some point in time and thinking that they were under sniper fire!
It's funny how the mind can play tricks on you after 12 years, after all, everyone remembers meeting little children at some point in time and thinking that they were under sniper fire!
Escort agency launches virgin service for geeks
A Dutch escort agency is launching a special virgin service for computer geeks.
Sociology student Zoe Vialet, who set up Society Service last year, says she has had a lot of demand from virgins.
She says most of them work in the IT sector and added: "They are very sweet but are afraid of seeking contact with other people. They mean it very well but are very scared.
"Every booking lasts three hours minimum. Longer is possible, shorter not. We take the time to take a bath together, do a massage and explore each others body.
"When the date is over, you will have had a fantastic experience, and you will be able to pleasure a woman."
Zoe and her colleague Marieke have specially trained five girls to look after the needs of virgins, reports De Telegraaf.
She added: "You better practise before having a girlfriend. Woman expect men older than 30 having had some experience.
"Some men need a little bit of help. But it makes them happy and they are glowing .There is nothing more terrible than dying as a virgin."
Ananova
A US mother-of-three has invented a sex toy that connects to a vacuum cleaner to give an orgasm in just ten seconds.
The gadget, called Vortex Vibrations, works by concentrating the air flow to create a rapid and gentle vibration, reports the Sun.
The gadget, called Vortex Vibrations, works by concentrating the air flow to create a rapid and gentle vibration, reports the Sun.
Inventor Joanne Drysdale claims it can give multiple, back-to-back orgasms lasting up to a minute a time - and it does not even touch the skin.
The 49-year-old former toolmaker was cleaning her carpets when she came up with the idea for Vortex, which sells for £35 through lovehoney.co.uk.
She saw how a piece of rubber that had got caught in the nozzle was gently resonating in the air flow. She also felt a soft stimulation to her fingertips as she tried to remove the rubber.
At the time Joanne, from Utah, had not had sex for 15 years following her divorce.
She said: "In my attempts to alleviate frustration, I began to think what I could do. I noticed how the rubber moved in the top of the vacuum.
"After several hours, I came up with the prototype. The first time I tried it I reached an orgasm within 10 seconds.
"That was when I knew I was on to something that could potentially bring pleasure to all women."
Secretarial students at a Chinese university are being asked to plan a bank robbery for an assignment.
They have to work out how to rob a bank with a team of six within seven minutes, reports Information Times.
The students are all majoring in secretarial studies at Guangdong University of Foreign Studies.
They have to come up with a robbery action plan for a team comprising a leader, a lock breaker, a driver, two robbers and a gunman.
Professor He, who came up with the assignment, says it's aimed at teaching students how to allocate resources economically and efficiently.
"Students majoring in the arts usually do not have the training in thinking deliberately that students majoring in science do. So this also trains their thinking ability," he said.
The assignment involves teams of five or six students, with each team having to make its own presentation.
One student said: "We've never taken an assignment as seriously as this one. On our team, each person came up with a plan, and we picked the best one. We even timed ourselves on the college grounds."
Professor He doesn't think the assignment will encourage students to rob a bank for real: "They're adults, and know what's right and wrong," he added.
Ananova
Thanks Mistress
Update: As of today the 27th March 2008 - This billboard was taken down because some uptight so and so's dont have a sense of humour and were offended by this billboard.
I mean these people should unpucker and enjoy life, not everything out there is put up with the purpose to offend Maori people.
90% of the Maori people questioned about this thought that this billboard was great and they agree that the uptight old farts should pull finger and learn how to smile!!!
This is yet another case of Political Correctness going too far.
From TV 3 News
The Maori Language Commission has objected to a billboard at Auckland's Parnell Rise, claiming it is highly offensive in its use of the Maori language.
The billboard advertises Ace Rental Cars, who say it was meant to be a bit of harmless fun.
But Huhana Rokx from the Maori Language Commission says: “The presence of the billboard actually demeans me as a member of the Maori race. It demeans the Maori race, it demeans the Maori language. And I believe overall, New Zealand is demeaned as a result of this action.”
The billboard went up three weeks ago and according to the rental company it hadn't attracted complaints until today.
No one from Ace Rental Cars was available from comment today. But in a statement they apologised for any offence the billboard caused. The company says the ad was aimed at the New Zealand national identity rather than any one ethnic group. It is an explanation supported by the advertising company which came up with the wording of the billboard.
Mojo Advertising says: “It wasn't supposed to offend anyone. It was made up by a recently arrived Englishman who had had a bit of a giggle learning all the New Zealand place names. He intended it to appeal to tourists.”
But Rokx says: “If they were aware and made aware of what was actually happening through the advertising I think they would be highly insulted themselves. Our tourists that come here look for authenticity.”
And for those eager to decide on the merits of the billboard themselves, it is too late. Ace Rentals had the billboard removed an hour ago.
(Or you could look at the Pic above that was taken shortly before this billboard was removed)
1. You know the meaning of the word "git".
2. You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.
3. You think it's normal to have a leader called Kevin.
4. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.
5. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.
6. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when he first attends school.
7. When you hear that an American "roots for his team" you wonder how often and with whom.
8. You understand that the phrase "a group of women wearing black thongs" refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.
9. You pronounce Melbourne as "Mel-bin".
10. You pronounce Penrith as "Pen-riff".
11. You believe the "Au" and the "l" in the word "Australia" is optional.
12. You can translate: "Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas."
13. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
14. You call your best friend "a total bastard" but someone you really, truly despise is just "a bit of a bastard".
15. You think "Woolloomooloo" is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.
16. You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.
17. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.
18. You understand that "Wagga Wagga" can be abbreviated to "Wagga" but "Woy Woy" can't be called "Woy".
19. You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread.
20. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.
21. Hamburger. Beetroot. Of course.
22. You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.
23. You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.
24. You still don't get why the "Labor" in "Australian Labor Party" is not spelt with a "u".
25. You wear ugh boots outside the house.
26. You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.
27. You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.
28. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.
29. You understand that "excuse me" can sound rude, while "scuse me" is always polite.
30. You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.
31. You understand that "you" has a plural and that it's "youse".
32. You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to touch.
33. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.
34. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call "Anzac cookies".
35. You still think of Kylie as "that girl off Neighbours".
36. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit.
37. You believe the phrase "smart casual" refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.
38. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.
39. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.
40. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.
41. You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.
42. You know, whatever the tourist books say, that no one says "cobber".And you will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand.
Composer Arnold Schoenberg was superstitious about the number 13. He died on Friday the 13th at 13 minutes to midnight.
Also Italian motor racing driver Alberto Ascari was another who was fearful of the number 13. He also used to become hysterical at the sight of a black cat and would refuse to drive past one. Instead he would turn his car around and seek an alternative route. Luckily for him, he didn't come across any on Grand Prix circuits.
When princess Margaret was born in 1930, the registration of her birth was delayed so that her number would not be 13.
Origin: Text Slang
Definition: I Don't Give A Rat's Ass.
Example: Friend is telling a pointless story. Your response: You know what? IDGARA. (So much for that friend.)
Parents' groups are horrified over a new internet game that is taking off in Britain, where tween girls are encouraged to compete for cash to give their virtual dolls facelifts, breast implants and a regime of diet pills to keep them skinny.
It's called Miss Bimbo and it's free to play until the contestants run out of virtual dollars. Then they have to send cell phone text messages costing US$3 each or use PayPal to top up their accounts.
You start with a naked virtual character and go from there, shopping for clothes, food and pets — and you can sell your items for a profit in Bimbo dollars. You can also play the lottery.
From the game:
Don't forget that the aim is to be the coolest, richest and most famous bimbo in the whole world/game. In order to do this, you must complete the Goals!
First three goals in the game? Like George Thorogood suggests, get a haircut, and get a real job.
1 Change your drab hairstyle to become a popular blonde with cool pigtails!
2 Rent your very own apartment. Bout time you got your own pad
3 Register yourself on a training course and get an exciting new job!
Parents are worried the game could send the wrong message about eating disorders and plastic surgery to young girls. Really? You have a target weight, a target IQ, you have to get your hair cut and go on a mission to meet guys at clubs — sort of a how-to guide to being Paris Hilton.
As CNN spells it out:
Users are given missions, including securing plastic surgery at the game's clinic to give their dolls bigger breasts, and they have to keep her at her target weight with diet pills, which cost 100 bimbo dollars.
Breast implants sell at 11,500 bimbo dollars and net the buyer 2,000 bimbo attitudes, making her more popular on the site.
And bagging a billionaire boyfriend is the most desirable way to earn the all important "mula" or bimbo dollars.
More from the Guardian:
Bill Hibberd, of parents' rights group Parentkind, said the game sent a dangerous message to young girls.
He said: "It is one thing if a child recognises it as a silly and stupid game.
"But the danger is that a nine-year-old fails to appreciate the irony and sees the bimbo as a cool role model. Then the game becomes a hazard and a menace.
"Children's innocence should be protected as far as possible. It depends on the background and mindset of the child but the danger is that after playing the game some will then aspire to have breast operations and take diet pills."
Miss Bimbo's sister Web site Ma Bimbo started in France last year and was condemned by dieticians and parents. One parent threatened the creators with legal action after his daughter ran up a £100 mobile bill sending texts without his knowledge.
The British version already has nearly 200,000 players, most of whom are girls aged between 9 and 16. There are 1.2 million players in France.
The creators of Miss Bimbo — surprise — say it's all just harmless fun:
Nicolas Jacquart, the 23-year-old web designer from Tooting, south London, who created it, said: "It is not a bad influence for young children. They learn to take care of their bimbos. The missions and goals are morally sound and teach children about the real world.
It's called Miss Bimbo and it's free to play until the contestants run out of virtual dollars. Then they have to send cell phone text messages costing US$3 each or use PayPal to top up their accounts.
You start with a naked virtual character and go from there, shopping for clothes, food and pets — and you can sell your items for a profit in Bimbo dollars. You can also play the lottery.
From the game:
Don't forget that the aim is to be the coolest, richest and most famous bimbo in the whole world/game. In order to do this, you must complete the Goals!
First three goals in the game? Like George Thorogood suggests, get a haircut, and get a real job.
1 Change your drab hairstyle to become a popular blonde with cool pigtails!
2 Rent your very own apartment. Bout time you got your own pad
3 Register yourself on a training course and get an exciting new job!
Parents are worried the game could send the wrong message about eating disorders and plastic surgery to young girls. Really? You have a target weight, a target IQ, you have to get your hair cut and go on a mission to meet guys at clubs — sort of a how-to guide to being Paris Hilton.
As CNN spells it out:
Users are given missions, including securing plastic surgery at the game's clinic to give their dolls bigger breasts, and they have to keep her at her target weight with diet pills, which cost 100 bimbo dollars.
Breast implants sell at 11,500 bimbo dollars and net the buyer 2,000 bimbo attitudes, making her more popular on the site.
And bagging a billionaire boyfriend is the most desirable way to earn the all important "mula" or bimbo dollars.
More from the Guardian:
Bill Hibberd, of parents' rights group Parentkind, said the game sent a dangerous message to young girls.
He said: "It is one thing if a child recognises it as a silly and stupid game.
"But the danger is that a nine-year-old fails to appreciate the irony and sees the bimbo as a cool role model. Then the game becomes a hazard and a menace.
"Children's innocence should be protected as far as possible. It depends on the background and mindset of the child but the danger is that after playing the game some will then aspire to have breast operations and take diet pills."
Miss Bimbo's sister Web site Ma Bimbo started in France last year and was condemned by dieticians and parents. One parent threatened the creators with legal action after his daughter ran up a £100 mobile bill sending texts without his knowledge.
The British version already has nearly 200,000 players, most of whom are girls aged between 9 and 16. There are 1.2 million players in France.
The creators of Miss Bimbo — surprise — say it's all just harmless fun:
Nicolas Jacquart, the 23-year-old web designer from Tooting, south London, who created it, said: "It is not a bad influence for young children. They learn to take care of their bimbos. The missions and goals are morally sound and teach children about the real world.
Photo: Screen shot of the Miss Bimbo Web site.
Despite having a 10ft long stomach, a hippopotamus can run faster than a man.
An adult hippopotamus could bite a 12ft crocodile in half
A hippopotamus makes 80 % of its sounds under water
A hippo can open its mouth wide enough for a 4 ft tall child to fit inside
Hippos have killed more people than any other animal.
Origin: Unknown
Definition: Beyond all realms of being annoying, super or uber annoying
Example: Our cashier today was vantastically annoying.
WATCH OUT USING INTERNET CAFES IN IRAN Courtesy Radio Free Europe By Farangis Najibullah
Police in Tehran have raided more than 430 Internet cafes and other shops during the first days of the latest campaign against what they say is inappropriate and un-Islamic conduct. Iranian state media quote the police as saying that in the past few days, they have closed down 25 Internet cafes and given warnings to 170 cafe owners for "using immoral computer games and storing obscene photos," and for the presence of women without "proper hijab" on the premises.
At least 23 people -- including several women -- have been detained for similar reasons.The owner of one of the Tehran Internet cafes that was inspected and temporarily closed down by police, who gave his name as Hessam, told RFE/RL's Radio Farda that police started questioning him when they found some family photos -- with a female member of the family among them -- on a computer.
"We had a few family photos in our system. They asked, 'Who is this girl that is sitting close to you?'" Hessam said. "Just because of those private photos, they closed this place for three or four days. [The police pressure] has reached that level! It has become a headache, a problem for everybody. We don't know what to do."
Independent Information
The Internet, and Internet cafes, have become increasingly popular in Tehran and other Iranian cities in recent years. According to official state figures, 60 percent of the country's population has access to the Internet. However, independent sources say that figure is exaggerated, given the fact that many Iranians villages do not even have electricity. International estimates say that some 20 percent of Iranians have access to the Internet. Most of the customers at Internet cafes are young people who come to play computer games, check their e-mail, or take part in website chat rooms and blogs. Some Iranian journalists describe the latest campaign as an attempt by the authorities to limit access to a major source of alternative news and information and restrict Iranian's intellectual and social freedom.
Badrolsadat Mofeedi, an independent journalist and a campaigner for media rights, told RFE/RL from Tehran that the latest assault on Internet cafes is no surprise. Mofeedi said that "in addition to a crackdown on independent media, every now and then the Iranian authorities put pressure on all other sources of news and information, such as satellite dishes, the Internet, and even bookshops.
"In October, several Tehran bookstores were given a 72-hour ultimatum to close down coffee shops that were operating inside their stores. Amaken-e Omomi, a state body that controls retail trade, said that operating a cafe inside a bookshop is an "illegal mixture" of trades. "Some Internet sites have been filtered. A variety of measures has been taken to restrict the political and social atmosphere for those who are involved in the distribution of the information," Mofeedi said.
'Immoral' Internet
The Iranian authorities say they have blocked access to "immoral websites" such as pornographic sites. According to Iranian independent journalists, however, many political websites -- including personal weblogs or blogs -- and many independent news sources are blocked with a filter so that Iranians cannot access them. Those sites includes radiofarda.com. Hassem, the Internet-cafe owner, says the "heavy filtering of the websites has slowed down the Internet in Iran, reducing its speed by almost 50 percent.
"The clampdown has coincided with the ongoing police campaign against anyone who violates a strict Islamic dress code. The police have even installed mobile stations on Tehran's busiest streets to stop women who disobey the dress code, for instance by wearing a hat instead of a head scarf or by tucking their pants inside of their boots. Isa Saharkhiz, an independent journalist and a member of the Association for Press Freedom in Iran, told RFE/RL from Tehran that enforcing these restrictions -- on everything from dress to the Internet -- has been part of the Iranian government's policy since President Mahmud Ahmadinejad came to power in 2005.
Saharkhiz said the closure of the cafes was partially aimed at preventing young people and intellectuals from getting together, as well as trying to restrict the free flow of information.
"None of these practices brought any results in the past," Saharkhiz says. "No one is able to put barriers on news and information and, especially, no one can shut down the Internet -- in Iran or elsewhere in the world." Cafe owner Hassem said that no matter how hard the authorities try to block access to websites, young Iranians will succeed in circumventing the filter and find their way to the prohibited sites.
'If women are so good at multitasking ... how come they
cannot have a headache and sex at the same time?'
cannot have a headache and sex at the same time?'
Can you spot the hidden Easter Bunny in the pic below?
A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job.
One was gay and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand,
'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.'
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o 'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her.
'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
'Now take off my boots.'
He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
'Now take off my socks.'
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
'Now take off my skirt.'
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
'Now take off my bra.'
Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said,
'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'
(Yeah, I didn't see it coming, either.)
In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
No one expects you to run into a burning building.
People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
You can eat dinner at 4:00
You can live without sex but not without glasses.
You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.
You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
You got cable for the weather channel.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You send money to PBS.
You sing along with the elevator music.
You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
Your back goes out more than you do.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
Jon Snow : "In a sense, Xiaoping's death was inevitable, wasn't it?"
Expert : "Er, yes."
(Channel 4 News)
"If England are going to win this match, they're going to have to score a goal."
(Jimmy Hill -- BBC)
"Beethoven, Kurtag, Charles Ives, Debussey -- four very different names."
(Presenter, BBC Proms, Radio 3)
"Cystitis is a living death, it really is. Nobody ever talks about it, but if I was faced with a choice between having my arms removed and getting cystitis, I'd wave goodbye to my arms quite happily."
(Louise Wener (of Sleeper) in Q Magazine)
"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
(Metro Radio Sports Commentary)
Listener : "My most embarrassing moment was when my artificial leg fell off at the altar on my wedding day."
Simon Fanshawe : "How awful! Do you still have an artificial leg?"
(Talk Radio)
Interviewer : "So did you see which train crashed into which train first?"
15-year-old : "No, they both ran into each other at the same time."
(BBC Radio 4)
Victorious in battle, Egyptian King Menephta took home as a souvenir the penis of every dead Libyan soldier - Some 1300 in all.
Origin: UnknownDefinition: Ingenious--for inventions contrived in desperate situations (TV's MacGyver.)
Example: Our trip across Canada in our '62 Valiant required us to MacGyverize the broken fan belt several times.
You have lost a friend due to a debate about Star Wars vs. Star Trek Your idea of flirting with a girl is talking about superheroes
You join a game clan
You blog about joining a game clan
you blog about how geeky it is that you are bloging about joining a game clan
You say “Locker Buddy”
You celebrated talk like a pirate day
You plan on celebrating pretend to be a time traveler day (December the 4th! Don’t forget it!)
You find yourself reading this post
You find yourself writing this post
You find yourself quoting Star Wars/Trek/Gate/Ect…
You write fan fiction
The last (or only) girl to flirt with you only liked you for your homework
You make stick men with Internet Explorer Icons (Ask Colt)
You laugh at the following joke: How do you get more memory in a computer? You RAM it in!
You constantly create new blogs and come up with silly online names like DragonWing
Your in chess team
You like Math…
…and you are proud of it!
You have a blog
You know HTML
You have already spotted a grammer error in this post…
…and are planning on commenting about it…
…and you don’t see how that makes you a geek
You are proud to be a geek
You are tempted everyday to bring your cape and lightsaber to school
You have attempted to use the force
You know kligon
You know how to spell klingon (TELL ME HOW CHRIS!)
You have called somebody a nerf herder
You got that last joke
White and Nerdy is your theme song
Mario’s faithfull brother. A devoted sidekick. The second player. That green dude.
That is how Luigi had been depected in videogames througout the years. As the brother of the hero. Or is he? Is there any truth to the rumors that Lugi is the real hero and that Mario is a glory hog who has taken credit for all the thing Luigi has done througout the years. The answer is yes.
It all started after Lugi had saved the mushroom kingdom for the first time. While Luigi was off fighting a giant monkey, Mario was hiding under his bed. After hearing about Luigi’s adventueres Nintendo contacted him about is own game. Luigi was thrilled and signed away the rights to his likeness.
The game “Donkey Kong” arived and was a smash hit. However, Lugi was upset that his name was changed. “Jump Man! What kind of a name is that? It may as well be leap lad!” he was reported as saying. After a long debate Nintendo decided to restore his name to Lugi for the next game in the series, “Super Luigi Brothers.”
The Nintendo marketing department however, asked him to change from his trademark green to red because they were working on another game about an elf who dresses in green. They felt that having two green characters would be confusing. That is where the trouble started.
Mario volunteered to change from his trademark blue to red so he could be in the game. Nintendo liked the idea and pretty soon Super Mario Bros. came out. Luigi got to stay in the game, but as a crummy sidekick. There was nothing he could do. He had signed his likeness over to the big N.
Tons of games later, Mario is still the star. Luigi is the fearfull sidekick and princess peach is Mario’s girlfriend. In a rare interview with princess peach herself, we asked her is Mario has ever saved her life. This was her response:
“Save me? Save Me? No, The only thing Mario has saved is all the money he hoards away. He is kicking back making millions on all of my boyfriends hard work. Do you know how much money Luigi he makes of the game royaltys? $12.92 a month! No, Luigi is the real hero. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
Luigi did however get a chance at redemption with the game “Mario is missing.” The Luigi family (Luigi, Peach, and their son Luigi2) were anxious to see the game restore glory to their family. The game, however, turned out to be a commercial flop. People thought that the game was to unrealistic because it made Mario look to weak. Oh, the irony.
In 2001, however, Luigi got one last chance to star in a videogame, “Luigi’s Mansion.” This game turned out to be a smash hit. Luigi was on the top again. That is until…”The Thousand Year Door.”
Luigi, had started work on a new book series that told of his latest adventures. Nintendo, in an effort to keep Luigi on the bottom, put his books in the soon-to-be released “Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door” They, however, made a mockery of it! Making it sound like he is a coward that gets by with luck.
Then, In Super Paper Mario they portrayed him as a villain!
Luigi, although he is more popular than ever, is still considered lower than his evil-twin Mario. Where is the justice in that?
TOKYO -- A Japanese man was arrested for trespassing this week after turning up at a high school dressed in a girl's uniform and a long wig, local police said. Thirty-nine-year-old Tetsunori Nanpei told police he had bought the uniform over the Internet and put it on to take a stroll near the school in Saitama, north of Tokyo, on Wednesday, the daily Asahi Shimbun said. When students standing outside the gates started to scream at the sight of him, he dashed inside the school grounds, hoping to blend in with the crowds of teenagers, the paper said. They also screamed, forcing the man to flee, losing his wig in the process. A school clerk pursued him and stopped him at a nearby riverbank, the paper said. Police confirmed the arrest of the man in school uniform and wig but declined to give further details.
ALL I NEED TO LEARN ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM THE EASTER BUNNY! 
Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Walk softly and carry a big carrot.
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
There's no such thing as too much candy.
All work and no play can make you a basket case.
A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention.
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.
Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.
Some body parts should be floppy.
Keep you paws off other people's jellybeans.
Good things come in small-sugarcoated packages.
The grass is greener in someone else's basket.
An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare.
To show your true colors you have to come out of the shell.
The best things in life are still sweet and gooey.
Easter tells us that life is to be interpreted not simply in terms of things but in terms of ideals.
Charles M. Crowe
You'll wake up on Easter morning, And you'll know that he was there, When you find those choc'late bunnies, That he's hiding ev'rywhere.
Gene Audry
Easter is the demonstration of God that life is essentially spiritual and timeless.
Charles M. Crowe
Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won't stay there.
Clarence W. Hall
Easter so longed for is gone in a day.
James Howell
Earth's saddest day and gladdest day were just three days apart!
Susan Coolridge
The resurrection gives my life meaning and direction and the opportunity to start over no matter what my circumstances.
Robert Flatt
Developed by Chuck Norris for kicking the cr@p out of pretty much everything and everyone.... Hella roundhouse kick skills and facial hair not included.
I NEED YOUR HELP........ !!!
I'm trying to find out which K-Mart sells this mirror.
I'm trying to find out which K-Mart sells this mirror.
Hi Robbo
PIPE SPECIFICATION
An AS/NZS Joint Committee member circulated the following specifications to be considered for inclusion in annex of the next edition of AS/NZS 2832 Pipes and Piping Systems.
1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole.
2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length – do not use holes of different length to form the pipe.
3. The ID ( Inside Diameter ) of all pipe must not exceed the OD ( Outside Diameter ) – otherwise the hole will be on the outside.
4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole, so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.
5. All pipe should be supplied without rust; this can be more readily applied at the job site. NOTE: Some vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipes. If available in your area, this product is recommended, as it will save a great deal of time at the job site.
6. All pipe over 500ft ( 150m ) in length should have the words "LONG PIPE" clearly painted on each side and end, so the contractor knows it’s a long pipe.
7. Pipe over 2 miles ( 3.2 Km ) in length must also have the words "LONG PIPE" painted in the middle, so the contractor will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine whether it is a long pipe or a short pipe.
8. All pipe over 6ft ( 1.83m ) in diameter must have the words "LARGE PIPE" painted on it, so the contractor will not mistake it for small pipe.
9. Flanges must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes for bolts, quite separate from the big hole in the middle.
10.When ordering 90 or 30 degree elbows, be sure to specify left-hand or right- hand, otherwise you will end up going the wrong way.
11.Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipes for going uphill, the water will flow the wrong way.
12.All couplings should have either right-hand or left-hand threads. Do not mix the threads, otherwise as the coupling is being screwed on one pipe, it is being unscrewed from the other.
13.All pipes shorter than 1/8in ( 3mm ) are very uneconomical in use, requiring many joints. They are generally known as washers.
14.Joints in pipes for piping water must be water-tight. Those for compressed air, however, need only to be air-tight.
15.Lengths of pipes may be welded or soldered together. This method is not recommended for concrete or earthenware pipes.
16.Other commodities are often confused with pipes. These include: conduit, tube, tunnel and drain. Use only genuine pipes.
17.Scottish Regiments in the Army use Army pipes in unusual ways. These are not approved of in engineering circles.
After excelling in two games for a senior rugby club in New Zealand, 26 year old stand-off Jamie Kahakura was suddenly banned when it was discovered that he was a woman.
Origin: Unknown Definition: This term is a response to be used when somebody tells you some insignificant piece of information that you couldn't care less about.
Example: Paul - Hey, did you hear that Iggy Pop has a new album out? Me - La de freaking da.
You snicker uncontrollably all the way through "Darby O'Gill And The Little People."
Your record collection is stocked only with very short artists, Paula Abdul, Sheena Easton, Prince, Phil Collins.
When you see a rainbow, you get a greedy little look in your eye. (Arrrr, there's me pot o' gold!)
In your cupboard there is nothing but Lucky Charms cereal.
Every time you get your paycheck, you convert it into gold coins and bury it somewhere.
You insist on dancing a jig on your way to work each morning to the embarrassment of all your friends.
You've been under a rock for the past few years.
You just despise fairies. ("Wing Envy" if you ask me!)
You try to pick up women by saying "Ah, lassie, you have dazzling kneecaps, you do."
When you eat good food, you say it is "magically delicious,".
And the number one way you can tell you might be a Leprechaun:
You're three feet tall, Irish, have red hair, cuss, drink and wear green a lot!
WHAT IS AN IRISHMAN
An Irishman is a man who?
May not believe there is a God,
but is darn sure of the infallibility of the Pope...
Won't eat meat on Friday,
but will drink Jameson for breakfast.....
Has great respect for the truth,
he uses in emergencies...
Sees things not as they are
but the way they never will be.....
Cries at sad movies,
but cheers in battle....
Hates the English,
but reserves his cruelty for countryman....
Gets more Irish the further he gets from Ireland.....
Believes in civil rights,
but not in his neighborhood...
Believes to forgive is divine,
therefore doesn't exercise it himself....
Loves religion for its own sake,
but also because it makes it so inconvenient for his neighbors....
Scorns money,
but worships those who have it...
Considers any Irishman who
achieves success to be a traitor...
On discovering that his hit "Honky Tonk Angels" was about prostitutes, Cliff Richard demanded that his record company withdraw the single - Surely the on instance of an artist banning his own record!
Origin: Political Slang (my opinion anyway)Definition: A verbal technique used to suppress opposition by using forceful, senseless babbling.
Example: Eric never answered my question, but after his babbling ram, I wasn't curious anymore.
A species of giant clam found on the coast of Malaysia is strong enough to be able to drown a human being. It grows to a width of more than 3 ft and can weigh over 440lb. if a swimmer were to get his foot caught in the clam's mouth, he wouldn't be able to pull it out again and would eventually drown.
Origin: Tech Talk
Definition: A particularly uptight techno-dweeb.
Example: Hey, Radio Shack, why don't you stick to troubleshooting the network?
Lesley Johnston-Beaumont
Here is a woman who should run for Prime Minister!
Written by a housewife in New Brunswick, Canada to her local newspaper. This is one ticked off lady.
'Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we?
Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11, 2001 and have continually threatened to do so since?
Were people from all over the world, not brutally murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan, across the Potomac from the nation's capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania?
Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing death that day, or didn't they?
And I'm supposed to care that a a few Taliban were claiming to be tortured by a justice system of the nation they come from and are fighting against in a brutal insurgency.
I'll start caring when Osama bin Laden, the coward who hides,
turns himself in and repents for incinerating all those innocent
people on 21 September.
I'll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere belief of which is a crime punishable by beheading in Afghanistan.
I'll care when these thugs tell the world they are sorry for hacking off Nick Berg's head while Berg screamed through his gurgling slashed throat.
I'll care when the cowardly so-called 'insurgents' in Afghanistan come out and fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques.
I'll care when the mindless zealots who blows themselves up in search of nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide bombs.
I'll care when the Canadian media stops pretending that their freedom of speech on stories is more important than the lives of the soldiers on the ground or their families waiting a home to hear about them when something happens.
In the meantime, when I hear a story about a CANADIAN soldier roughing up an Insurgent terrorist to obtain information, know this: I don't care.
When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank:
I don't care.
When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and fed 'special' food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy book is being 'mishandled,' you can absolutely believe in your heart of
hearts:
I don't care.
And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's spelled 'Koran' and other times 'Quran.' Well, Jimmy Crack Corn and, you guessed it, I don't care!!
If you agree with this viewpoint, pass this on to all your E-mail friends Sooner or later, it'll get to the people responsible for this ridiculous behavior!
If you don't agree, then by all means hit the delete button. Should you choose the latter, then please don't complain when more atrocities committed by radical Muslims happen here in our great Country! And may I add:
'Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the Soldiers don't have that problem.'
I have another quote that I would like to add AND.......
I hope you forward all this.
One last thought for the day:
Only five defining forces have ever offered to die for
you:
1. Jesus Christ
2. The Canadian Soldier.
3. The British Soldier.
4. The US Soldier.
5. The Anzacs, and
One died for your soul, the other 4 for your freedom.'
YOU MIGHT WANT TO PASS THIS ON, AS MANY SEEM TO FORGET ALL OF THEM. AMEN!
Here is a woman who should run for Prime Minister!
Written by a housewife in New Brunswick, Canada to her local newspaper. This is one ticked off lady.
'Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we?
Was it or was it not started by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11, 2001 and have continually threatened to do so since?
Were people from all over the world, not brutally murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan, across the Potomac from the nation's capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania?
Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing death that day, or didn't they?
And I'm supposed to care that a a few Taliban were claiming to be tortured by a justice system of the nation they come from and are fighting against in a brutal insurgency.
I'll start caring when Osama bin Laden, the coward who hides,
turns himself in and repents for incinerating all those innocent
people on 21 September.
I'll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East start caring about the Holy Bible, the mere belief of which is a crime punishable by beheading in Afghanistan.
I'll care when these thugs tell the world they are sorry for hacking off Nick Berg's head while Berg screamed through his gurgling slashed throat.
I'll care when the cowardly so-called 'insurgents' in Afghanistan come out and fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques.
I'll care when the mindless zealots who blows themselves up in search of nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide bombs.
I'll care when the Canadian media stops pretending that their freedom of speech on stories is more important than the lives of the soldiers on the ground or their families waiting a home to hear about them when something happens.
In the meantime, when I hear a story about a CANADIAN soldier roughing up an Insurgent terrorist to obtain information, know this: I don't care.
When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank:
I don't care.
When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat, and fed 'special' food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy book is being 'mishandled,' you can absolutely believe in your heart of
hearts:
I don't care.
And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's spelled 'Koran' and other times 'Quran.' Well, Jimmy Crack Corn and, you guessed it, I don't care!!
If you agree with this viewpoint, pass this on to all your E-mail friends Sooner or later, it'll get to the people responsible for this ridiculous behavior!
If you don't agree, then by all means hit the delete button. Should you choose the latter, then please don't complain when more atrocities committed by radical Muslims happen here in our great Country! And may I add:
'Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the Soldiers don't have that problem.'
I have another quote that I would like to add AND.......
I hope you forward all this.
One last thought for the day:
Only five defining forces have ever offered to die for
you:
1. Jesus Christ
2. The Canadian Soldier.
3. The British Soldier.
4. The US Soldier.
5. The Anzacs, and
One died for your soul, the other 4 for your freedom.'
YOU MIGHT WANT TO PASS THIS ON, AS MANY SEEM TO FORGET ALL OF THEM. AMEN!
Law reformer Jeremy Bentham left his entire estate to London's University College in 1832 on condition that he be stuffed, dressed in his finest clothes and mounted in a chair from where he would continue to attend the annual meeting of the university's board of govenors. His figure is still brought out to preside over an annual debate.
Origin: Medical Slang
Description: Abbreviation actually used by doctors to describe injured patients. Stands for Fall Down Go Boom.
Example: Sorry to call you so late, doctor. We've got an F.D.G.B. here. We're gonna need you to come in.
Have to write a letter of recommendation for that fired employee?
Here are a few suggested phrases:
For the chronically absent:
"A man like him is hard to find."
"It seemed her career was just taking off."
For the office drunk:
"I feel his real talent is wasted here."
"We generally found him loaded with work to do."
"Every hour with him was a happy hour."
For an employee with no ambition:
"He could not care less about the number of hours he had to put in."
"You would indeed be fortunate to get this person to work for you."
For an employee who is so unproductive that the job is better left unfilled:
"I can assure you that no person would be better for the job."
For an employee who is not worth further consideration as a job candidate:
"I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment."
"All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly."
For a stupid employee:
"There is nothing you can teach a man like him."
"I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever."
For a dishonest employee:
"Her true ability was deceiving."
"He's an unbelievable worker."
Casanova found it hard to keep track of his many lovers. He asked for the hand of a pretty girl named leonilda, but her mother screamed and fainted when introduced to her future son-in-law. For she was one of Casanova's conquests, who had borne his child 17 years earlier. Casanova had been about to marry his own daughter!!!
Origin: Medical Slang
Definition: Get Out of My Emergency Room. Term used to identify an elderly patient who is too sick to cure and refuses to die, causing the physician or nurse much wasted effort, time, and material for no good reason. Taken from _House of God_ by Samuel Shem. Also a derisive term for a nursing home patient so far gone with senility that that all he or she can do is sit in a chair or lie in a bed, be fed pureed food, defecate and gather bed sores.
Example: Doc, we gotta nuther Gomer in room number five.
Follow the link below for one of the best resignation letter ever!!!
Read it here
Thanks Mistress for finding this hehehehehehehehe
Read it here
Thanks Mistress for finding this hehehehehehehehe
A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember,but you were in a pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but..... Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in thewreck, and we were unable to find it."
The man groans, but the doctor goes on,"You've got $90,000 in insurance compensation coming to you, and wehave the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as wellas your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's $10,000 an inch."
The man perks up at this."So," the doctor says,"it's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision."
The man agrees to talk with his wife.The doctor comes back the next day."So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?"
"I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you in making the decision?"
"She has," says the man.
"And what is it?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting a new Kitchen."
Thanks Mistress Dirtbag
Wolf Creek, the true story of the murder in the Australian Outback.This true story of a murder in the Australian Outback influenced the Wolf Creek movie and five (!) books are on their way.
The scenic Wolfe Creek National Park in the Western Australian Outback has never received so much attention, even though the movie title misspells it.
The actual name of the remote meteorite crater on the edge of the Kimberley and the Great Sandy Desert is Wolfe Creek.
Wolf Creek: A True Story?
In the Wolf Creek movie story three young backpackers in their twenties return from a hike in Wolf Creek National Park in the Australian Outback to find that their car won't start. They accept help from a seemingly friendly local bushman. He tows their car to his camp, an abandoned old mine site.
They spend the night there, wake up the next morning and this is when they realise that he is not the friendly bushman they thought. The horror starts there, and I won't tell you any more in case you haven't seen the movie.
The movie tagline says, "Based on true events." So what's the Wolf Creek true story? How close is the movie to Australian Outback reality?
I've seen outcries on travel forums by young English backpackers: "Oh my god, what are they doing to us?" Excuse me? They? As in us Australians? Or what?
Anyway, for those who have trouble separating fact from fiction, here is Wolf Creek, the true story.
Wolf Creek: The True Story
The true Wolf Creek story happened about two thousand kilometres from
On July 14, 2001, British tourists Peter Falconio (then 28) and Joanne Lees (who in October 2006 finally launched her book, the only true story!) travelled on the Stuart Highway from Alice Springs in the direction of Darwin. It was night time.
Roughly half way between Alice Springs and Tennant Creek, just outside Barrow Creek, a mechanic called Bradley John Murdoch managed to make them pull over, and told them that sparks were coming out of the exhaust of their van.
Peter went to the back of the van with Murdoch to have a look, and Joanne was asked to rev the engine. She later said she thought she heard a shot. Then Murdoch, holding a gun, came to her window. He bound her hands and dragged her into his four wheel drive.
Then he disappeared for a while. It is assumed that he dealt with Peter's body during that time. That's when Joanne managed to escape. She hid in the bush as Murdoch was searching for her with his dog. Eventually he gave up.
Joanne waited for hours, making sure that he was really gone and not coming back. When she finally staggered back onto the highway two truck drivers stopped and helped her.
Murdoch was caught in the largest Northern Territory police investigation ever. He had been in Alice Springs the same day as Joanne and Peter, he had also visited the same fast food outlet.
Whether he targeted them at random or followed them from Alice Springs is not known. He claims he wasn't even near Barrow Creek, had taken the Tanami Road instead (a rough bush track from Alice Springs to Western Australia. It runs past Wolfe Creek National Park)
Many questions remain. No weapon or body was found. The motive is unclear, too. But speculations revolve around paranoia and aggression induced by his heavy amphetamine use. Murdoch is a self confessed drifter, drug runner, and regularly transported large amounts of cannabis between Alice Springs and Broome in Western Australia.
His lawyers couldn't explain how his DNA had ended up on the makeshift handcuffs that Joanne was tied up with, if he'd been nowhere near her. After a two month trial he was found guilty in December 2005. The verdict by the jury was unanimous. Murdoch will serve at least 28 years of a life sentence, unless his appeal (due for hearing in December 2006) is successful.
(Update: Murdoch's appeal was rejected in January 2007.)
Joanne Lees' stoicism helped her to make an escape, but it often didn't help her before and during the trial. She has remained silent, withdrawn, not revealing her emotions (which are nobody's business). No big magazine spreads and TV shows, just four days of testimony during the trial. Unusual in our age of media hype and rampant disclosure...
Update:
Five years after her ordeal Joanne released her book, "No Turning Back", in October 2006. And now, for the first time, she is talking to the media.
This terrific interview (5 pages! The links to pages 2-5 are below the image and ad.)
Joanne Lees is an exceptionally strong person who deserves our compassion and our admiration. If you want the true "true story", read the book.
Australians can buy it here.
And that's it, the Wolf Creek true story. Or is it?
Well, not quite. There sure are many parallels, enough for Murdoch's lawyers to prevent the movie from being released in the Northern Territory during the trial. But the true story above is not the only one that influenced the Wolf Creek movie.
The character of Mick Taylor, the seemingly friendly and helpful bush bloke, is modelled on Ivan Milat. Milat was a serial killer who picked up hitchhikers and took them into the woods where he tortured and killed them. These murders took place in the 1990s in New South Wales, not in the Outback (and have taken place in other form at other times in other parts of the world as well...) Milat, too, was caught and sentenced to life in prison.
You should also keep in mind that writer/director Greg McLean wrote the original story years ago, as a conventional and purely fictional horror flick set in the Australian Outback. He only became aware of the true cases afterwards, and took ideas and cues from them and blended them into his story. The line "based on true events" surely helps marketing the film, but it is misleading...
So what does the Wolf Creek true story mean for tourists to the Australian Outback?
Should you be concerned?
Absolutely. Stay away from amphetamines...
Thanks to The Outback Travel Secrets for this Story
Armadillos are the only animals besides humans that can get leprosy
Amrmadillos always give birth to identical quadruplets. This is because the offspring all come from the same egg which divides during development.
Armadillos can walk under water.
Origin: Geek Speak
Definition: An updated version of the word vidiot. It comes from new vidiot as well as from the name of the company nVidia. Used in reference to someone who spends too much time playing computer video games.
Example: Dan never stops playing GLQuake. He's a nVidiot.
When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.
Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose...stop it.
Blaming your farts on me...not funny...not funny at all.
Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!!
How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat butt?)
Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly who's walk is this anyway?
Yelling at me for rubbing my ass on your carpet. Why'd you buy carpet?
Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet...idiot.
How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.
Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur? Imbecile.
Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?
Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out everytime we go back.
The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.
Invisible fences. Why do you insist on screwing with us? To my knowledge, dogdom hasn't yet solved the visible fence problem!!
Research at the University of Sussex has shown that plants grow faster to music.
Their favourite turned out to be Meatloaf's "Bat out of Hell"!!!
Origin: Probably derived from Ancient Geek
Definition: A system administrator, webmaster or programmer who virtually lives in a corporate computer laboratory. Distinguishable from average humans by one or more of the following traits: ghastly pallor (see screentan), dependence on caffeine-rich beverages and snack foods, inability to remember the names of close family members, intolerance for AOL users and a curiously extensive knowledge of government security agencies and firewall software.
Example: "Don't worry about the servers, our labrats are on it"
New Law: With the high rate of attacks on women in secluded parking lots, especially during evening hours, the Minneapolis City Council has established a "Women Only" parking lot at the Mall of America. Even the parking lot attendants are exclusively female so that a comfortable and safe environment is created for patrons. Below is the first picture available of this world-first women-only parking lot in Minnesota .
Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:
FREEZER BAGS:
FREEZER BAGS:
They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
PHOTOCOPIERS:
PHOTOCOPIERS:
These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.
TIRES:
TIRES:
Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated
HOT AIR BALLOONS:
HOT AIR BALLOONS:
Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.
SPONGES:
SPONGES:
These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGES:
WEB PAGES:
Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.
TRAINS:
TRAINS:
Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.
EGG TIMERS:
EGG TIMERS:
Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.
HAMMERS:
HAMMERS:
Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.
THE REMOTE CONTROL:
THE REMOTE CONTROL:
Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying
The following picture was used in a case study on stress level at St.
Mary's Hospital , Boston . Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water.
Both dolphins are identical.
The researchers concluded that a person is under stress if he/she finds both dolphins look different. If there are many differences found between both dolphins, it means that the person is experiencing a great amount of stress.
So, if you see too many differences between the two dolphins, you are advised to pack your bag, go home immediately and take a rest.
Mary's Hospital , Boston . Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water.
Both dolphins are identical.
The researchers concluded that a person is under stress if he/she finds both dolphins look different. If there are many differences found between both dolphins, it means that the person is experiencing a great amount of stress.
So, if you see too many differences between the two dolphins, you are advised to pack your bag, go home immediately and take a rest.
* you will never play professional basketball
* you swear very well
* at least one of your cousins holds political office
* you think you sing very well
* you have no idea how to make a long story short
* you are very good at playing a lot of very bad golf
* there isn't a huge difference between losing your temper and killing someone
* much of your food was boiled
* you have never hit your head on the ceiling
* you spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling
* you're strangely poetic after a few beers
* you're poetic a lot
* you will be punched for no good reason...a lot
* some punches directed at you are legacies from past generations
* your sister will punch you because your brother punched her
* many of your sisters are Catherine, Elizabeth or Mary...and one is Mary Catherine Elizabeth
* someone in your family is incredibly cheap
* it is more than likely you
* you don't know the words but that doesn't stop you from singing
* you can't wait for the other guy to stop talking so you can start talking
* "Irish Stew" is the euphemism for "boiled leftovers from the fridge"
* you're not nearly as funny as you think you are, but what you lack intalent, you make up for in frequency
* there wasn't a huge difference between your last wake and your last kegger party
* you are, or know someone, named "Murph"
* if you don't know Murph, then you know "Mac"
* if you don't know Murph or Mac, then you know "Sully"
* you'll probably also know Sully McMurphy
* you are genetically incapable of keeping a secret
* your parents were on a first name basis with everyone at the local emergency room and last but not least...
Being Irish means...
* your attention span is so short that---oh, forget it.
I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.
Marshall McLuhan
I never know how much of what I say is true.
Bette Midler
I have nothing intelligent to say.
Meg Tilly
when approached by a TV reporter asking questions on her way into the 1997 Oscar ceremonies.
I am not denying anything I did not say.
Brian Mulrooney
I really didn't say everything I said.
Yogi Berra
I'm a meathead. I can't help it, man. You've got smart people and you've got dumb people.
Keanu Reeves
My movies were the kind they show in prisons and airplanes, because nobody can leave.
Burt Reynolds
I'm no actor, and I have sixty-four pictures to prove it.
Victor Mature
Of all the things I've ever lost I miss my mind the most.
Steven Tyler
"I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five."
Steven Wright
"I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name."
Paula Poundstone
"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."
Steven Wright
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
Groucho Marx
"If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor."
Joan Rivers
"If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?"
Lily Tomlin
"My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic."
Spike Milligan
Plot Outline: A prehistoric epic that follows a young mammoth hunter's journey through uncharted territory to secure the future of his tribe.
So far this is only a CAM version, but I will change it as soon as a screener or similar becomes available.
Title: 10000.BC.2008
Theater Date: March.07.2008
Release Date: March.08.2008
CD/INFO: Cd1-49 x 15mbs
Framerate: 25fps PAL
Audio: Cam Type: XVID
Genre: Adventure / Drama
Tagline: It takes a hero to change the world.
If you want it, You know what to do
http://rapidshare.com/files/98588883...Vail.part2.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/98588884...Vail.part3.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/98588907...Vail.part4.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/98588879...Vail.part5.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/98588846...Vail.part6.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/98588955/10000.BC.2008.CAM.XViD-PreVail.part7.rar
No password required
Sample:
http://rapidshare.com/files/98588806/10000bc-prevail.sample.avi
1My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
God must love stupid people; He made so many.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up.
Procrastinate Now!
I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
Pope Paul II died in 1471 whilst being sodomised by a page boy
Origin: Australian Slang
Definition: Exclamation of surprise or disgust.
Example: S'truth, she's hot!
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom,with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display.
There were small bears all along the bottom shelf,medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle shelf,and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such a large collection of Teddy Bears, She is quite impressed by his sensitive side.but doesn't mention this to him.
They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after awhile, she finds herself thinking, 'my God! Maybe, this guy could be the one! Maybe he could be the future father of my children?'She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips He responds warmly. They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.
She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more creativity, more heat than she has ever known. After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow.The woman rolls over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, 'Well,how was it?' The guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her eyes, and says:
'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf"
'Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf"
"My girlfriend always laughs during sex-no matter what she's reading."
Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)
"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee-the natural enemy of a tightrope walker."
Dan Rather (News anchorman)
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?"
Arnold Schwarzenegger
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
Tiger Woods
"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves."
Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)
"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot."
Axel Rose (Guns'n'Roses)
"Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master."
Rev. Jesse Jackson
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
Roseanne
"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman
"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
Rod Stewart
Proudly showing off his newly-leased downtown apartment to a couple of friends late one night, a drunk Samoan led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong hanging on the wall.
'What's that big brass gong for?' one of the friend's asked.
'Issss nod a gong. Issss a talking Maori clock' he drunkenly replied.
'A talking Maori clock - seriously?'.
'Yup.' 'Hmmm (hic).'
'How's it work then?' the second friend asked, squinting at it.
'Just watch' he said.
He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an 'ear-shattering bash' and stepped back. His three mates stood looking at one another for a moment in astounded silence.
Suddenly, a Maori voice from the other side of the wall screamed,
'For F*#k's sake, you stupid coconut!!! It's ten past three in the f*#king morning!' .
You got to love this guy...
This is a true story about a recentwedding that took place at Clemson University .
It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.
After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him.
So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man.The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, 'F---you!' Then he turned to his bride and said, 'F--- you!'Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, 'I'm outta here.'
He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.
While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, thisguy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.
His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300-guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members.
This guy has balls the size of church bells. Do you think we might get a MasterCard 'priceless' commercial out of this?
Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends: $32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000
Deluxe two-week honeymoon accommodations in Maui : $8,500.
The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man: Priceless.
There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD
YEAR'S BEST (ACTUAL) HEADLINES OF 2007
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
Imagine that!
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No, really?
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Not if I wipe thoroughly!
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so!
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
You think?
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
he probably IS the battery charge!
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gasin Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Taste like chicken?
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
We all need a good laugh, keep laughing it will keep you young....
In Oklahoma, dogs must have a permit signed by the mayor in order to congregate on private property in groups of three or more.
Origin: hacker slang Definition: meaning exactly that. Used so that people who don't speak leet will not understand that you are talking about something illegal.
Example: I Pwn you all, im aleet (1337) h4xx0r
The ten-room Ice Hotel in Lapland offers the ultimate in cold comfort. Built entirely from snow and ice, the average room temperature is -4 degrees celcius. The beds are made from packed snow. There is even a small sub-zero chapel for weddings - the perfect place to say "I d-d-d-do". Guests are advised to book early as the hotel melts every april and has to be rebuilt the following winter.
Origin: Star Wars Slang
Definition: Someone who embodies the beliefs of Darth Vader of Star Wars.
Example: The kid down the road is a Vaderist.
A group named DiGiTAL just released a new version of the popular Microsoft Office 2007.
I am talking about the Enterprise Blue Edition. There’s quite a big chance that you’ve never heard of this ‘Blue Edition’, because - as the NFO says - it is only available to equipment manufacturers and not to the general public.
This is the copy from the original disk, which is (as said before) only accessible to technicians of Microsoft. This version of Microsoft Office 2007 will never appear for sale, since this is the only version where there is no need for a serial. This version also doesn’t need an activation. The installer is very simple, undetailed and handy. The interface of application is completely changed, it is modernized and practically reminds in no way to the previous versions.In a few minutes the software will be installed
Office Enterprise 2007 is the most complete Microsoft toolset provided for people who must collaborate with others and work with information efficiently, regardless of location or network status.
Office Enterprise 2007 builds on the strengths of Microsoft Office Professional Plus 2007, adding Microsoft Office Groove 2007 and Microsoft Office OneNote 2007, enabling people to collaborate and create, manage, and use information more efficiently.
This collection includes:
- Access 2007
- Excel 2007
- Groove 2007
- InfoPath 2007
- OneNote 2007
- Outlook 2007
- PowerPoint 2007
- Publisher 2007
- Word 2007
Download from aFilehosting (for US Members)
http://rapidshare.com/files/90338956/Microsoft_Office_2007_Enterprise_Blue_Edition.part6.rar
use like power that you get get from here:
use like power that you get get from here:
http://rapidshare.com/files/85516568/PowerISO_3.9.rar
then mount or burn onto disk and install it
then mount or burn onto disk and install it
HAYDEN, Idaho - A man who believed he bore the "mark of the beast" used a circular saw to cut off one hand, then cooked it in the microwave and called 911, authorities said.
The man, in his mid-20s, was calm when Kootenai County sheriff's deputies arrived Saturday in this northern Idaho town. He was in protective custody in the mental health unit of Kootenai Medical Center.
"It had been somewhat cooked by the time the deputy arrived," sheriff's Capt. Ben Wolfinger said. "He put a tourniquet on his arm before, so he didn't bleed to death. That kind of mental illness is just sad."
It was not immediately clear whether the man has a history of mental illness. Hospital spokeswoman Lisa Johnson would not say whether an attempt was made to reattach the hand, citing patient confidentiality.
The Book of Revelation in the New Testament contains a passage in which an angel is quoted as saying: "If anyone worships the beast and his image and receives his mark on the forehead or on the hand, he, too, will drink the wine of God's fury."
The book of Matthew also contains the passage: "And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for you whole body to do into hell."
Wolfinger said he didn't know which hand was amputated.
The man, in his mid-20s, was calm when Kootenai County sheriff's deputies arrived Saturday in this northern Idaho town. He was in protective custody in the mental health unit of Kootenai Medical Center.
"It had been somewhat cooked by the time the deputy arrived," sheriff's Capt. Ben Wolfinger said. "He put a tourniquet on his arm before, so he didn't bleed to death. That kind of mental illness is just sad."
It was not immediately clear whether the man has a history of mental illness. Hospital spokeswoman Lisa Johnson would not say whether an attempt was made to reattach the hand, citing patient confidentiality.
The Book of Revelation in the New Testament contains a passage in which an angel is quoted as saying: "If anyone worships the beast and his image and receives his mark on the forehead or on the hand, he, too, will drink the wine of God's fury."
The book of Matthew also contains the passage: "And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for you whole body to do into hell."
Wolfinger said he didn't know which hand was amputated.
The phrase "Rule of Thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that a man couldn't beat his wife with anything wider than his thumb.
Origin: Fad SlangDefinition: Sad addict. Used mainly to describe someones slavish adherance to pop fashion or music.
Example: A: Look at him. Wearing dungarees and dancing to N-Sync. B: What a saddict.
When Russian Ruler Peter the Great discovered that his wife Catherine had been unfaithful, he had the head of her lover, William Mons, chopped off and placed in a large jar of alcohol.
Peter insisted that the jar remain on Catherine's bedside table to remind her of her infidelity.
Origin: British Slang
Definition: Pulling someone's leg, putting them on. Also, ripping the piss, a superlative.
Example: When Bob told me that the WTC towers were hit by hijacked terrorist airplanes, I thought he was taking the piss.
Junior School Children Writing About The Sea - priceless!
1) I have been learning about an octopus.It has eight testicles.
(Kelly age 6)
2) Oysters' balls are called pearls.
(James age 6)
3) If you are surrounded by sea you're an Island .. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent.
( Wayne age 7)
4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson . She's not my friend no more.
(Kylie age 6)
5) A dolphin breaths through an arshole on the top of its head.
(Billy age 6)
6) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs
(Millie age 6)
7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean.. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans.
(William age 7)
8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant?
(Helen age 6)
9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write.
(Amy age 6)
10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Lectric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
(Christopher age 7)
11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy very small.
(Kevin age 6)
12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other.
(Becky age 7)
13) On holiday my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot up her fanny.
(Julie age 7).
SMART ARSE ANSWER 6th Place
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row..
'What are my choices?' the man asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied..
SMART ARSE ANSWER 5th Place
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without blinking an eyelid she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'
SMART ARSE ANSWER 4th Place
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The assistant replied, 'I'm afraid not, they're dead.'
SMART ARSE ANSWER 3rd Place
The policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.
'I've been waiting for you all day,'the bobby said.
The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMART ARSE ANSWER 2nd Place
A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that read ' Low Bridge Ahead.' Before he realized it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it.
Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry's cab and said to the driver, 'Got stuck, eh?'
The lorry driver said, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!'
SMART ARSE ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-arsed chappie at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,
'Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand '.
My ex-wife started taking flying lessons about the time our divorce started and she got her license shortly before our divorce was final, later that same year.
Yesterday afternoon, she narrowly escaped injury in the aircraft she was piloting when she was forced to make an emergency landing in a garden because of bad weather and crashed.
The absence of a post-crash fire was likely due to insufficient fuel on board.
No one on the ground was injured.
Photograph below was taken at the scene and shows the extent of damage to her aircraft.She was very, very lucky
Traffic Question
Most men will get this right!
Q: You are driving along a narrow two lane road with a NO PASSING sign posted, and you come upon a bicycle rider.
Do you:
(a) Follow this slow-moving bicycle rider for the next 2 miles, or
(b) Do you break the law and pass?
Which is the correct choice?
Scroll down...
A: Why take unnecessary risks and get a ticket?
"Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that, if he concentrates, he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and, if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him."
Dear Mum & Dad,
I am well. Hope youse are too.
Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the farm - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone!
I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get out ta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin'!!
Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing! At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes.
You don't get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the back paddock!!
This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody possum's bum and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - it's a piece of piss!! You don't even load your own cartridges they comes in little boxes and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!
Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.
Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.
I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.
Your loving daughter,
Sheila
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeezethese pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?
'Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's bum.
'Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on.......
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Scientific research indicates that sharks are the only creatures not to suffer any form of illness. They are thought to be immune to every known disease, including cancer.
A large shark can bite through steel cables. Sharks teeth are constantly renewed. Teeth at the front of the mouth are replaced by new teeth at the back in a kind of conveyor-belt process. Large sharks have up to 1000 teeth.
A Shark can detect one part of blood in 100 million parts of water. The good news in that the chances of being attacked by a shark are 30,000,000 to 1.
The pain threshold of a shark is so high that nothing seems to deter them. Sharks eating rapaciously have been known to continue feeding even after other sharks have attacked and half eaten them. A shark will also eat parts of its own body that have become detached.
Items found inside sharks' stonachs include torpedoes, bicycle parts, crates of drink, car number plates, a horses head, a porcupine, bottles of wine, petrol cans and even a suit of armour.
Although sharks have gills, they can't punp water over them like other fish. So they have to keep swimming in rder to push water over their gills. Consequently sharks never stop swimming - even when they are asleep. If they did, they would drown.
Of over 250 species of shark, only 18 are known to be dangerous to humans.
The embyos of tiger sharks fight each other inside the mother's womb. Only the survivor is born.
Origin: Internet Slang
Definition: Internet Bitch Slap (currently in v1.1.): used when someone only reachable electronically needs a bitch slap.
Example: I just had to IBS a client. I didn't know they grew people that stupid here.
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