Quasi's Fun Vids - Compilation of Embarrassing Busted Photos
http://view.break.com/496497 - Watch more free videos
Spooge's Spit Up - One of Earth's Last Uncontacted Tribes
Skin painted bright red, heads partially shaved, arrows drawn back in the longbows and aimed square at the aircraft buzzing overhead. The gesture is unmistakable: Stay Away.
Behind the two men stands another figure, possibly a woman, her stance also seemingly defiant. Her skin painted dark, nearly black.
The apparent aggression shown by these people is quite understandable. For they are members of one of Earth's last uncontacted tribes, who live in the Envira region in the thick rainforest along the Brazilian-Peruvian frontier.
Thought never to have had any contact with the outside world, everything about these people is, and hopefully will remain, a mystery.
Their extraordinary body paint, precisely what they eat (the anthropologists saw evidence of gardens from the air), how they construct their tent-like camp, their language, how their society operates - the life of these Amerindians remains a mystery.
'We did the overflight to show their houses, to show they are there, to show they exist,' said Brazilian uncontacted tribes expert José Carlos dos Reis Meirelles Junior. 'This is very important because there are some who doubt their existence.'
Meirelles, who despite once being shot in the shoulder by an arrow fired by another tribe campaigns to protect these peoples, believes this group's numbers are increasing, and pointed out how strong and healthy the people seemed.
But other uncontacted groups in the region, whose homes have been photographed from the air, are in severe danger from illegal logging in Peru and populations are being decimated.
Logging is driving uncontacted tribes over the border and could lead to conflict with the estimated five hundred uncontacted Indians already living on the Brazilian side.
'What is happening in this region [of Peru] is a monumental crime against the natural world, the tribes, the fauna and is further testimony to the complete irrationality with which we, the 'civilised' ones, treat the world,' said Meirelles.
It is extraordinary to think that, in 2008, there remain about a hundred groups of people, scattered over the Earth, who know nothing of our world and we nothing of theirs, save a handful of brief encounters.
The uncontacted tribes, which are located in the jungles of South America, New Guinea and a remote and the beautiful and remote North Sentinel island in the Indian Ocean (the inhabitants of which have also responded to attempts at contact with extreme aggression) all have one thing in common - they want to be left alone.
And for good reason. The history of contact, between indigenous tribes and the outside world, has always been an unhappy one.
In our overcrowded world their very future hangs in the balance. Almost all of these tribes are threatened by powerful outsiders who want their land. These outsiders - loggers, miners, cattle ranchers - are often willing to kill the tribespeople to get what they want.
Even where there is no violence, the tribes can be wiped out by diseases like the common cold to which they have no resistance.
According to Miriam Ross of Survival International, which campaigns to protect the world's remaining indigenous peoples, 'These tribes represent the incredible diversity of humankind. Unless we want to condemn yet more of the earth's peoples to extinction, we must respect their choice. Any contact they have with outsiders must happen in their own time and on their own terms.'
As to who these people are, how they live their lives, what language they speak - we know nothing. 'Normally you can tell who tribes are by their language, how they wear their hair, how they adorn their bodies and so on, but in this case the photos don't allow us to get close enough to see,' says Ms Ross.
When anthropologists first overflew the area, they saw women and children in the open and no one appeared to be painted. It was only when the plane returned a few hours later that they saw these individuals covered head-to-toe in red. 'Tribes in the Amazon paint themselves for all kinds of different reasons - one of which includes when they feel threatened or are aggressive,' Ms Ross says.
'And they are almost certain to feel threatened by or aggressive towards a plane, which was where the photos were taken from. They are almost certain not to understand what the plane is - perhaps a spirit or a large bird.
'The jungle is fundamental to their lives and survival. It's their home, their source of food, the source of their culture etc. Without it, they could not exist as a people.'
Contact is usually a disaster for these remote tribespeople, who live a life probably unchanged for more than 10,000 years. Even if the loggers do not shoot them (which they often do) or force them off their land, diseases against which these isolated humans have no resistance typically wipe out half an uncontacted tribe's numbers in a year or two.
Ms Ross added: 'These pictures are further evidence that uncontacted tribes really do exist. The world needs to wake up to this, and ensure that their territory is protected in accordance with international law. Otherwise, they will soon be made extinct.'
For more information on Survival International, see http://www.survival-international.org
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - Ruff Justice
In New Zealand, a cow was sentenced to two days in prison for eating the grass in front of the city courthouse!!
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Tire Kicker
Origin: First used in the United States of America in the 1970's
Definition: Someone who feigns interest in a product, but is not actually ready to make a purchase decision. Someone who is indecisive about purchasing a product or service.
Example: Look at that Tire Kicker, he thinks he knows all about car sales!
Definition: Someone who feigns interest in a product, but is not actually ready to make a purchase decision. Someone who is indecisive about purchasing a product or service.
Example: Look at that Tire Kicker, he thinks he knows all about car sales!
Spooge's Spit Up - I Would Love To Be 8 Again
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.
I'd love to be eight again' she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he arose early and made her a bowl of Coco Pops and jammy toasties!
He took her to Alton Towers and put her on every ride in the park:
The Death Slide The Wall of Fear The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park.
Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
Right away they went to a McDonalds where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate milkshake.
Then it was off to the movies: the latest Kiddies three hour epic cartoon, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, her favourite lolly and M&Ms!
What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed onto the bed exhausted.
He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked,
'Well dear, what was it like being eight again?'
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression changed to one of total realisation...
'I meant my dress size, you f***ing tw@t !!!'
The moral of this story: Even when a man is listening, he's still gonna get it wrong.....
Spooge's Spit Up - True Friendship (None of that Sissy Crap)
Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.
You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-
Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.
1. When you are sad
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.
You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-
Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.
1. When you are sad
I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue
2. When you are blue
I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile
3. When you smile
I will know you finally got laid.
4. When you are scared
4. When you are scared
I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried
5. When you are worried
I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused
6. When you are confused
I will use little words.
7. When you are sick
7. When you are sick
Stay the hell away from me until you are well again I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall
8. When you fall
I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end.
This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end.
"Why?" you may ask;
"because you are my friend".
Friendship is like peeing your pants,
everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.
Send this to 10 of your closest friends,
then get depressed because you can only think of 4.
"because you are my friend".
Friendship is like peeing your pants,
everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.
Send this to 10 of your closest friends,
then get depressed because you can only think of 4.
Spooge's Spit Up - Very Interesting Indeed
In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'
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Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
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The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
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Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.
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Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
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Coca-Cola was originally green.
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It is impossible to lick your elbow.
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The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:
Alaska
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Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
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The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
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Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.
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Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
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Coca-Cola was originally green.
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It is impossible to lick your elbow.
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The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work:
Alaska
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The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400
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Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
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The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
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The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
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Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar
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If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
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Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
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Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what ?
A. Their birthplace
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Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
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Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?
A. One thousand
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Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All were invented by women.
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Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
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In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... 'goodnight, sleep tight.'
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It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
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In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'
It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
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Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.
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At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
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YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when...
1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~
NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.
Spooge's Spit Up - Camera for Sale
Hello all
I am in the process of winding down the estate of my late gardener Petrus who passed away on a neighboring property last week. Amongst his personal possessions was a 8 mega pixel digital camera, the photo quality is outstanding. Enclosed is the last pic which the late Petrus took with his camera.
Regards
Quasi
Spooge's Spit Up - 3 Ways to Save Money on Gas
- Only fill up your car in the early morning when the ground temperature is still cold. The colder the ground the more dense the fuel, when it gets warmer, petrol expands, so buying in the afternoon or in the evening.....your litre is not exactly a litre.
- When you're filling up, pump on low speed thereby minimizing the vapours that are created while you are pumping so you're getting more for your money.
- Fill up when your tank is Half Full. The reason for this is, the more fuel you have in your tank the less air occupying it's empty space. Petrol evaporates faster than you can imagine.
Spooge's Spit Up - A Dog's Tale
I have two dogs & I was buying a large bag of pedigree in the supermarket and was standing in the queue at the till.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Pedigree Diet again,
although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last
time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care
ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it
works is to load your trouser pockets with Pedigree nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition
because I had been poisoned. I told her no, it was because I'd been
sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so
hard as he staggered out the door.
Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food??
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Pedigree Diet again,
although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last
time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care
ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it
works is to load your trouser pockets with Pedigree nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition
because I had been poisoned. I told her no, it was because I'd been
sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so
hard as he staggered out the door.
Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food??
Spooge's Spit Up - Crime Protection
Due to the increase in burglaries and thefts in South Auckland, residents are moving to new heights of security in order to protect their most prized possessions......... 
Spooge's Spit Up - The Reaction Test
The automobile driving manual says the average driver's reaction time is:
.75 seconds....... or 1 car length for every 10 mph......
Test your average reaction time..
Be very careful this can be addicting.
Click on the link below and good luck.
Leave a comment and let me know how you did :^)
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - Americana
Between 1701 and 1708, the Govenor of New York was a transvestite.
Lord Cornbury, the third Earl of Clarendon and a cousin of Queen Anne, made his entrance at the New York Assembly wearing a blue silk gown, a head-dress studded with diamonds, and satin shoes. He carried a ladie's fan.
A heavily built man, he made a curious sight on the streets of New York at night, dressed in a hooped skirty and powdered wig. Although married, he spent a fortune on women's clothes for himself.
However Queen Anne did send him some of her cast-offs. He once left a reception given in his honour so that he could change his dress.
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Kiasu
Origin: It is used in Singapore English and has its roots in Hokkien, one of the dialects used by the Chinese in Singapore.
Definition: A word literally translated into scared of losing.
Example: Why are you buying so many textbooks for the upcoming test? You're really kiasu.
Spooge's Spit Up - Tommy Cooper Jokes
Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married
The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.
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Man goes to the docs, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says, 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'
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'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home..'
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.'
'Is it common?'
'It's not unusual.'
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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him'
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.'
'What? Because he's cross-eyed? '
'No, because he's really heavy'
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'Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's.'
'Well you can't say fairer than that then'
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Two elephants walk off a cliff......
boom boom!
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So I went to the dentist.
He said 'Say Aaah.'
I said 'Why?'
He said 'My dog's died.'
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So I got home, and the phone was ringing.
I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?'
And a voice said 'You are.'
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So I rang up my local swimming baths.
I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'
He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'
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So I rang up a local building firm,
I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'
He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
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Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them.
It's either my mum or my dad.
Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.
But I think it's Colin.
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So I was in my car, and I was driving along,
and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.'
And I swerved.
And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again.'
And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.'
And I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?'
And I said 'I careered off the road.'
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Now, most dentists' chairs go up and down, don't they?
The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'.
And the dentist said to me 'Mr. Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'
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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?'
I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
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Two cannibals eating a clown.
One says to the other 'Does this taste funny to you?'
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.'
So that was nice.
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A man walked into the doctors,
The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time'
The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'
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A man walked into the doctors,
he said 'I've hurt my arm in several places'
The doctor said, 'well don't go to those places'
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I had a ploughman's lunch the other day.
He wasn't very happy.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
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I bought some HP sauce the other day.
It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.
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Two blondes walk into a building..........
you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
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Phone answering machine message -
'...If you want to buy marijuana.............press the hash key...'
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I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.'
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My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
A strong currant pulled him in.
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A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'
The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.
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I went to a seafood disco last week...
and pulled a mussel.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.
They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands.
Police say that he topped himself.
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Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other 'Your round.'
The other one says 'So are you, you fat slob!'
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Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.
Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night
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Spooge's Spit Up - Understanding Engineers
Take one
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, 'Where did you get such a great bike?'
The second engineer replied, 'Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, 'Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway.
Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, 'What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes !'
The doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!'
The priest said, 'Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.' He said, 'Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'
The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.'
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.'
The doctor said, 'Good idea.. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.'
The engineer said, 'Why can't they play at night?'
Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, 'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, 'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, 'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with an arts degree asks, 'Do you want fries with that?'
Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, 'It was a mechanical engineer Just look at all the joints.'
Another said, 'No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.'
The last one said, 'No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?'
Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said,
'If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.'
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.'
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.'
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, 'What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?'
The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer.. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.'
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - Quirky Customs
Every July, Alaska stages a moose-dropping festival, dedicated to all things that come from a moose's bottom.
You can buy jewelry and fancy goods - all made from moose droppings of course - and there is a contest where competitors toss gold-painted moose droppings at a target.
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - WAJABOFU
Origin: Text Speak
Definition: We Are Just A Bunch Of Fuck Ups.
Example: We printed the wrong phone number on 200,000 business cards? WAJABOFU.
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - The World About Us
If the history of the Earth were to be measured in proportion to one year, then man did not appear until 8:30pm on 31 December.
Every 10 minutes, another plant or animal life form becomes extinct.
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - PFM
Origin: Coined by the boys at maximum3d.com.
Definition: Pure Freaking Magic. Used by the computer elite when something is too cutting edge to be understood even in their own circles.
Example: We understood the FSAA, but 8-layer single pass multi-texturing? That's just PFM.
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - Great Escapes
On being found guilty of the murder of a Mississippi farmer in 1893, 20 year old Will Purvis shouted at the 12 jurors: "I'll live to see the last one you die!"
The following February he ws taken to the gallows but survived when the noose know became loose and slipped over his head.
Purvis earned a temporary reprieve and was sprung from jail before a second execution attempt could take place.
In 1898 Purvis was pardoned, and nearly twenty years later another man confessed to the farmer's murder.
Purvis eventually died on October 13 1938... Three days after the death of the last juror at his trial.
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Danceterbation
Origin: Unknown
Definition: a dance performered alone usually while wearing boots and hat and timed to music containing lyrics that include the words watermelon or tractor.
Example: Clyde got really turned on watching Bessie and Lurlene danceterbate to to that new Ricky Van Shelton song.
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - A Moo Moo Here...Oink, Oink There...
The operators of an animal sanctuary in England said they believe their 1.25-ton, 6 1/2-foot tall steer named Chilli is Britain's biggest bovine.
Chilli was less than a week old when he began living at the Ferne Animal Sanctuary in Chard, England, in 1999 after being abandoned, The Daily Telegraph reported Monday.
Although he weighs over a ton he is quite lean and not as fat as some of his companions. We don't know what has made him so tall, sanctuary manager Naomi Clarke said.
Clarke said Chilli is very friendly and gentle, despite is intimidating stature.
The sanctuary has submitted their big-bovine claim to the Guinness World Records and is waiting to see if Chilli sets a record.
A cow produces 200 times more wind a day than a human.
A cow yeilds nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in a lifetime.
You can lead a cow upstairs, but not downstairs, this is because a cows knees can't bend properly to enable it to descend a flight of stairs.
Cows have four stomachs
The Moscow State Circus has a troupe of dancing cows that dance to Russian music and play football.
Bulls dont see red, they are colour blind.
In 1984, a canadian farmer began renting advertising space on his cows.
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Table Butt
Origin: Unknown
Definition: When an overweight person has a a butt that protrudes so much someone could use it as a table.
Example: Check out that table butt.
Spooge's Spit Up - Legal Defenses
In 1996, a Californian judge ruled against James Pflugradt's estate and in favor of the deceased's former landlord. The judge allowed the landlord to keep Pflugradt's $825 security deposit because he died without giving 30 days notice.
Troy Matthew Gentzler confessed to tossing rocks at cars from an overpass on Interstate 83 near York, Pennsylvania. But his lawyer claimed he was the victim of "Roid rage," erratic emotional swings caused by steroid use.
In October 1996, Charles S. Shapiro begged the Montgomery County, Maryland, court to allow him to change his plea to not guilty of hiring a hit man. He claimed his judgment had been impaired because he had ingested tranquilizers along with a bottle of Tums before confessing.
A Saint Louis, Missouri, man argued that the reason the jury found him guilty of stealing court documents wasn't that it had been prejudiced against him. The man claimed he was demonized because the judge allowed the jury to learn he was a lawyer.
Sneakys's Daily Did You Know....? - Strange Structures
The only solid walls in Philip Johnsons Glass House are in the Bathroom. The rest of the house in New Canaan, Connecticut, is completely transparent, although there are sliding panels should the homeowner require privacy.
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Respectabiggle-Marshwiggle
Origin: Taken from the wonderous book _The Silver Chair_.
Definition: Used when a very drunk person has said something improperly.
Example: I drunk I'm think. Ha! Respectabiggle-marshwiggle!
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - Poptastic
Elvis Presley's hip-wiggling started out as stage fright. In the early days he was so nervous on stage tthat his legs would shake. Since the audience began to scream when he did it, he decided to make it part of the act.
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - XYZZY
Origin: Computer Geek Speak
Definition: XYZZY is the universal computer magic word. Comes from the classic interactive fiction game Adventure that causes players to magically teleport to a central location in the game.
Example: To cheat in Minesweeper, type xyzzy hit *Enter* and *Left Shift*. If your mouse pointer is over a mine, the upper-left pixel on your screen will be black. Otherwise, it will be white.
Spooge's Spit Up - The Truth About Food (A Moral Tale)
In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums.
And Satan said, 'You want hot fudge with that? And Man said, 'Yes!' And Woman said, 'I'll have one too with chocolate chips'.
And so they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthy yoghurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them.
And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.
So God said, 'Try my fresh green salad'.
And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said 'I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them'.
And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter, and Man's cholesterol went through the roof.
Then God brought forth the potato; naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.
Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt.
And Man put on more pounds.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels.
And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.
Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger.
Then Satan said 'You want fries with that?' and Man replied, 'Yes, and super size 'em'. And Satan said, 'It is good.'
And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed ......... and created quadruple by-pass surgery.
And then ............ Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.
THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION
After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health.:
1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
6. The French eat foie-gras, full fat cheese and drink red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Here endeth the Lesson 
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? Funny Business
Marcel the Monkey was sacked from Friends because of his unfortunate tendency to vomit live worms on set.
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Bafflegab
Origin: Unknown
Definition: Meaningless talk, often meant to impress the ignorant or conceal the truth.
Example: His sales-pitch was pure bafflegab.
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - Wish You Were Here?
There is still a law on the books in Milan which requires citizens to smile at all times in public or risk a hefty fine. Exemptions including visiting patients in hospital or attending funerals.
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - CYA
Origin: Text Message Slang
Definition: Cover Your Ass
Example: That trouble-ticket software is more to C.Y.A. than for the users.
Spooge's Spit Up - Top 6 Gratuitously Cleavaged Women on TV
Nudity and television have an uneasy relationship. Sex sells, but TV can't even show nipples.Television has found a happy medium in breast cleavage--that innocent eye candy for emasculated husbands and prepubescent boys alike. However, cleavage is such an effective marketing tool that it also turns up in the most unexpected--and disturbing--places.
(Oh and happy Mother's Day, ma! We made up a new word for you!)
Dr. Alexx Woods, Medical Examiner (CSI: Miami)
Job DescriptionSuspicious deaths are serious business. That's why the state employs a specially trained medical examiner to determine the cause of every death. To properly study the victims, you must spend most of your day leaning over them, for hours at a time, in front of other people.
The CleavageWhat better job to wear a skimpy tank top! Really, who would you rather have investigating your loved one's death? A sober and analytical clinician, or Dr. Alexx Woods, the sassy and emotionally labile medical examiner with a porn-star name and grade-A rack?
Sure, she has this disturbing habit of talking to dead bodies like they're still alive and she gives all her co-workers a heaping helping of homespun sass that several years of graduate training should have extinguished, but don't let that shake your faith in her professionalism. If anything, you should be concerned about her baffling knack for cleavage flashing next to cadavers.
We suppose that her impressive chest-chasm might be construed as an artsy metaphor for the gulf that separates life and death. We like that metaphor because it insinuates that death is simply another boob, and we hope it's really like that.
But, at the end of the day we'd rather not develop any unfortunate unconscious associations between corpses and big ol' titties. After all, funeral tumescence is the most inappropriate kind.
Sure, she has this disturbing habit of talking to dead bodies like they're still alive and she gives all her co-workers a heaping helping of homespun sass that several years of graduate training should have extinguished, but don't let that shake your faith in her professionalism. If anything, you should be concerned about her baffling knack for cleavage flashing next to cadavers.
We suppose that her impressive chest-chasm might be construed as an artsy metaphor for the gulf that separates life and death. We like that metaphor because it insinuates that death is simply another boob, and we hope it's really like that.
But, at the end of the day we'd rather not develop any unfortunate unconscious associations between corpses and big ol' titties. After all, funeral tumescence is the most inappropriate kind.
Giada de Laurentiis (Everyday Italian on the Food Network)
Job DescriptionThere are no official standards for becoming a television chef, but you've got to have personality, and you have to be able to cut an onion really fast on live TV without looking like a moron. Most importantly, though, a TV chef has to make menial tasks entertaining.
Hmmm ... what are some ways we can do that?
The Cleavage
Giada is blessed with certain characteristics that might be described as obstacles to achieving optimal TV-chef charm. Her mouth, for instance, is Tony Robins-esque and she's got a gigantic head. In order to overcome these liabilities, she seems to have resorted to one of the more time-tested of feminine wiles: showing off the goods.
If it's done tastefully, this is a perfectly respectable strategy for increasing ones marketability. Giada, though, has taken it to the rarely vaunted 'wanton medieval barmaid' level.
That seems to send a bad message, since all of us know what it's like to get splattered with grease while frying an egg shirtless (or, you know, naked). And really, while enjoying what should be an innocuous family program, we shouldn't be provoked into involuntarily imagining anything splattered on the host's chest, even if it's just hot grease from a frying pan.
Giada is blessed with certain characteristics that might be described as obstacles to achieving optimal TV-chef charm. Her mouth, for instance, is Tony Robins-esque and she's got a gigantic head. In order to overcome these liabilities, she seems to have resorted to one of the more time-tested of feminine wiles: showing off the goods.
If it's done tastefully, this is a perfectly respectable strategy for increasing ones marketability. Giada, though, has taken it to the rarely vaunted 'wanton medieval barmaid' level.
That seems to send a bad message, since all of us know what it's like to get splattered with grease while frying an egg shirtless (or, you know, naked). And really, while enjoying what should be an innocuous family program, we shouldn't be provoked into involuntarily imagining anything splattered on the host's chest, even if it's just hot grease from a frying pan.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy, Dean of Medicine and Chief Hospital Administrator (House)
Job DescriptionAs Dean of Medicine, you have a tremendous burden. You must earn and maintain the respect of patients and egomaniacal doctors alike while asserting an air of leadership the moment you walk in the room. Significantly less important to the job is asserting that you have huge boobs.
The Cleavage
For an eminently successful and intelligent medical professional, Dr. Lisa Cuddy has certainly amassed a number of self-sabotaging behaviors. We suspect all that stems from her frustration at having earned everything that she has received rather than sleeping her way to the top. This type of frustration can manifest itself in many ways, a soft-spot for inveterate misogynists for example.
None of these side-effects are more unfortunate than her desperate insistence on flaunting her well-supported sweater kittens at every opportunity. Working in her office, making her rounds, evaluating a patient: it doesn't seem to matter who she is distracting, or how much she risks undermining her authority.
Her cleavage is probably responsible for more off-screen deaths in the House universe than cancer.
For an eminently successful and intelligent medical professional, Dr. Lisa Cuddy has certainly amassed a number of self-sabotaging behaviors. We suspect all that stems from her frustration at having earned everything that she has received rather than sleeping her way to the top. This type of frustration can manifest itself in many ways, a soft-spot for inveterate misogynists for example.
None of these side-effects are more unfortunate than her desperate insistence on flaunting her well-supported sweater kittens at every opportunity. Working in her office, making her rounds, evaluating a patient: it doesn't seem to matter who she is distracting, or how much she risks undermining her authority.
Her cleavage is probably responsible for more off-screen deaths in the House universe than cancer.
Melinda the Ghost Whisperer (Ghost Whisperer)
Job DescriptionYou can't go to school to be a ghost whisperer: it's in the genes. The kid from The Sixth Sense and Melinda the "ghost whisperer" both have the gift of seeing freaky dead people and being able to talk to them. Melinda, though, seems to have doubled up in the "gift" department.
The Cleavage
Unlike the kid from the Sixth Sense, Melinda does not spend her time being scared shitless, huddled under a mountain of blankets and dressed in conventional sleeping attire. Neither does she go with the Shaggy technique of cowering inside a suit of armor with a talking dog and self-medicating with a huge bag of weed.
No, that would hinder Melinda's work as a ghost whisperer and would deprive the world of her spectacular rack.
Does it seem all that strange that Melinda is constantly encountering spirits of the hostile variety? After all, she seems intent on reminding them that they have passed from the world of flesh and that there are no boobies in the afterlife.
Catherine Willows, CSI Supervisor & Forensic Scientist (CSI: Crime Scene Investigation)
Job DescriptionAmong other amusing activities, CSI's often get to crawl around a dead chick's apartment on all fours looking for blood, semen or blood and semen. That last one is known as the CSI spritzer, which is the correct technical term for a drink we just made up whose ingredients include Bailey's, milk and grenadine.
The Cleavage
Yes, the CSI franchise makes its second appearance on our list. Seriously, what the hell? Why in the CSI universe, where every day is spent pouring over the grim details of some schlub's death, would you wake up every day and squeeze into a low-cut, come-hither top?
Yes, we know that in the show Catherine Willows used to be a stripper. But you don't see lawyers wearing hairnets just because they once worked a few shifts at McDonald's, do you?
Mrs. Garrett, Chaperon/Maid/Dietitian (Diff'rent Strokes, Facts of Life)
Job DescriptionA staple of many '80s sitcoms, the live-in maid is a jack of many trades, including cooking and cleaning. None of these trades, however, is more important than serving as the role-model and moral center for the children on the show. The job requires integrity, common sense and a willingness to impart bits of wisdom that will be ignored at first with humorous consequences.
The Cleavage
Also, a huge rack helps.
Mrs. Garrett's rack spanned two sitcoms from 1978 to 1986, Diff'rent Strokes and the Facts of Life. with Natalie, Jo and Tootie, Mrs Garrett's boobs taught the early '80s about the dangers of drug use and plagiarism. In fact, Mrs. Garrett's cleavage is so legendary that it got referenced in a Family Guy episode.
There was an air of desperation about Mrs. Garrett, still trying to turn heads by showing off the goods even in her golden years. Yet, every male teenager in the Facts of Life audience knew the strange feeling they got when Mrs. G and her low-cut blouse entered the room. Facts of life, indeed.
"I may have some wrinkles," her look seemed to say, "But when the lights go out, I know tricks you've not had time to learn."
Remember earlier when we said funerals were the most inappropriate time to get an erection? We think we just discovered one worse than that.
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