Spooge's Spit Up - Fans Try To Call Dr Who

More than 2,500 people tried to ring Dr Who after his mobile number appeared in the TV show.

David Tennant as Dr Who /PA pics

The timelord's sidekicks called the Doctor, played by David Tennant, on 07700 900 461 in the series' penultimate show.

Since then, more than 2,500 fans have tried to get through but were left disappointed, reports The Sun.

One fan complained on the BBC website: "I phoned it but there was just an annoying network message."

Spooge's Spit Up - Irish Boys Confession

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.
The priest asks, 'Is that you, Dicky?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.'

'Well, Dicky, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now.

Was it Mary Walsh?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Brown?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Margaret Doyle?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Anne O' Neil?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Catherine 0' Tool, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped Dicky, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.

You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

Dicky walks back to his pew, and his friend Tommy slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'

'4 Months holiday and five good leads

THANKS MISTRESS

Spooge's Spit Up - Hitler Blasts Toon Army

Hitler blasts Toon Army

Adolf Hitler has been letting fly with foul-mouthed rants about football and politics in a new craze of internet spoofs.

Adolf Hitler /PA pics

YouTube jokers have been tinkering with the sub-titles for iconic 2004 German film Downfall about the final days in Hitler's bunker.

Instead of angrily addressing his generals about the dire situation in Berlin, one version has him bursting with rage about Toon fans hounding boss Mike Ashley out of Newcastle United.

In another spoof, Hitler hits the roof when he finds out Cristiano Ronaldo is being sold to Real Madrid.

He is shown going crazy at Labour's by-election disaster in Glasgow East and losing the rag when his generals change his broadband supplier and get him tied into a 12-month contract.

He is also seen exploding with contempt about Barack Obama's visit to Berlin.

The craze for tinkering with Downfall's subtitles started in Spain in 2006, when a computer programmer changed a rant from the original film to instead rail against a flight simulator.

Shortly after, a Brit posted a version about his Xbox Live subscription being cancelled. The clip has now been viewed 2,959,881 times.

But the Hitler series really took off with the fuhrer learning about Sheffield United, then managed by Neil Warnock, being relegated at the expense of West Ham.

Movie makers, Constantine Film, have failed to see the funny side of the clips and threatened the jokers with legal action.

Spooge's Spit Up - Zoo Upsets Redheads

An Australian zoo has dropped an ad campaign offering free visits to people with ginger hair to highlight the plight of orang-utans.

Orang-utans /PA pics

Adelaide Zoo ran advertisements offering "free Zoo entry for all rangas" during the school holidays, reports the Advertiser.

"Ranga" - an abbreviation of orang-utan - is a common nickname in Australia for redheads.

"We seem to be getting quite a bit of a negative reaction to that request," said Zoos SA's director of conservation programs Kevin Evans.

"People are possibly more sensitive about it than we thought," he said.

"We have a campaign over the school holidays because of orang-utans being an endangered species - and so are human redheads," Mr Evans said.

"Because of the way people move around these days, the genes that carry redheads are breeding out to brunettes and blondes."

The zoo has dropped the ads but will continue to offer free entry to people with red hair for the next two weeks.

Zoo staff will not seek proof that patrons are natural redheads: "We're not actually checking tops and tails, or anything like that," Mr Evans said.

Spooge's Spit Up - Philosophy of Sex

Philosophy of sex

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
Tom Clancy

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."
Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
Lynn Lavner

"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."
Matt Barry

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."
George Burns

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant."
George Burns

"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex ---no matter what she's reading."
Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
Jack Nicholson

" Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady -- and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
Roseanne

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
Jerry Seinfeld

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams

Spooge's Spit Up - Grandma & Grandpa

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.

When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.

The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive."

"How much?" asked Grandpa.

"$10.00 a pill," Answered the son.

"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow."

Later the next morning, the son found $110.00 under the pillow.

He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00.

"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"

Spooge's Spit Up - Great Best Friend Experiment

Great Best Friend Experiment

(If you don't believe it, just try this experiment)

Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?

Spooge's Spit Up - Am I Gay Self Examination for Men

"Am I Gay?" Self Examination For Men

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he goes wherever he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut off the jerk. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being a fudgepacker.