Piracy is Environmentally Friendly
11 Cool Gadgets You Wont Believe Exist
Keyboard Cups
Here’s a gorgeous cup set from MOD Design in Taiwan. Basking in the glory of simplicity, these cup sets resemble keyboard keys set atop a circuit board saucer. Made from porcelain, I bet they have a nice weight to them. Once again you guys, proof that geek is chic.
Does size matter?
Condometricis a condom aimed to measure penis’ length. A condom with the “ruler”, a great idea!
“Condometric is the first prophylactic that measures and shows off the penis’ length. Condometric helps us flaunt what we’ve got. It’s about believing we can handle whatever we wish to take on, regardless of size.”
To see the rest, click here
Thanks to Uphaa for this article
Here’s a gorgeous cup set from MOD Design in Taiwan. Basking in the glory of simplicity, these cup sets resemble keyboard keys set atop a circuit board saucer. Made from porcelain, I bet they have a nice weight to them. Once again you guys, proof that geek is chic.
Does size matter?
Condometricis a condom aimed to measure penis’ length. A condom with the “ruler”, a great idea!
“Condometric is the first prophylactic that measures and shows off the penis’ length. Condometric helps us flaunt what we’ve got. It’s about believing we can handle whatever we wish to take on, regardless of size.”
To see the rest, click here
Thanks to Uphaa for this article
Friday Man Babe - Sven
Everything looks better in black and white, especially a well placed tattoo.... Bet you didn't notice the tattoo until it was pointed out hehe
Friday Funny
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. The bartender gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts.
To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl.
"You look great tonight!" it said. "You really look fantastic - and that aftershave is just wonderful!"
The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it.
Realizing he has no cigarettes, he wanders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, another voice emits from the machine.
"Who let you in here? Did you check the mirror before you left the house? Get away from me, you oaf!"
By now, the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the bartender for an explanation.
"Ah yes sir," the bartender responds. "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order."
"Ah yes sir," the bartender responds. "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order."
Did You Know....? - Fantastic Feats
American golfer Maud McInnes took 166 strokes at a par-3 hole in 1912 after her tee shot landed in a river. As the ball floated away, she climbed into a boat and tried to play out on to dry land. She eventually succeeded a mile and a half down-stream.
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Questrogen
Origin: Uknown
Definition: The search for the perfect woman
Example: He is on a never-ending Questrogen.
Definition: The search for the perfect woman
Example: He is on a never-ending Questrogen.
Accident Claims
These are some daft things which have been written on Insurance claim forms
"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."
"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?
A Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were: Q - What warning was given by you? A - Horn Q - What warning was given by the other party? A - Moo
"I had one eye on a parked car, another on approaching lorries, and another on the woman behind".
"On the M6 I moved from the centre lane to the fast lane but the other car didn't give way."
"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."
"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"
"While proceeding through 'Monkey Jungle', the vehicle was enveloped by small fat brown grinning monkeys. Number three fat brown monkey (with buck teeth) proceeded to swing in an anticlockwise direction on the radio aerial. Repeated requests to desist were ignored. Approximately 2 minutes and 43 seconds later, small fat brown monkey disappeared in 'Monkey Jungle' clutching radio aerial."
"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably voodoo."
"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again."
"I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
"Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."
"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
"I thought my window was down, but I found out it wasn't when I put my head through it".
"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way".
"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car".
"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."
"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
"I had been shopping for plans all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."
"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian."
"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him."
"I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the roof of my car"
"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."
"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."
"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?
A Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were: Q - What warning was given by you? A - Horn Q - What warning was given by the other party? A - Moo
"I had one eye on a parked car, another on approaching lorries, and another on the woman behind".
"On the M6 I moved from the centre lane to the fast lane but the other car didn't give way."
"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."
"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."
"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"
"While proceeding through 'Monkey Jungle', the vehicle was enveloped by small fat brown grinning monkeys. Number three fat brown monkey (with buck teeth) proceeded to swing in an anticlockwise direction on the radio aerial. Repeated requests to desist were ignored. Approximately 2 minutes and 43 seconds later, small fat brown monkey disappeared in 'Monkey Jungle' clutching radio aerial."
"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably voodoo."
"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again."
"I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
"Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."
"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
"I thought my window was down, but I found out it wasn't when I put my head through it".
"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way".
"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car".
"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."
"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
"I had been shopping for plans all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."
"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian."
"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."
"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him."
"I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the roof of my car"
"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."
"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
Sports
Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996:
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
"You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King:
"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to Prison for three years, not Princeton."
Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
"You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."
Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King:
"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to Prison for three years, not Princeton."
Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.
Did You Know....? - Inventive Minds
In 1875, the director of the US Patent Office tendered his resignation and suggested that the department be closed on the grounds that there was nothing left to invent.
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Fabulous Thunderbirds
Origin: 80's rock group of the same name
Definition: Derogatory reference to the 80s blues-rock group; meaning to lower in quality or be of exceedingly low stature.
Example: Sheryl Crow used to be cool. It's sad to see her go all Fabulous Thunderbirds these days.
Definition: Derogatory reference to the 80s blues-rock group; meaning to lower in quality or be of exceedingly low stature.
Example: Sheryl Crow used to be cool. It's sad to see her go all Fabulous Thunderbirds these days.
Did You Know....? - Bottoms Up
The Marino Grape Festival in Italy is famous for having a fountain of free flowing wine in the town square. But we wouldn’t be writing about it if something didn’t go wrong. The engineers messed up and accidentally sent the chilled sparkling wine through the domestic water pipes! Residents noticed the error when the smell of wine tainted their bath and laundry water. A few residents were quick thinking enough to fill jugs with the free treat.
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Caloosa
Definition: I. Short for Could Lose a few pounds Usually used to describe a female that is not ugly but slightly overweight.
II. Can also be used followed by a number indicating the amount of weight needs to use.
Example: I. Is he cute? he Caloosa.
II. Is she cute? She Caloosa 20.
Sarcasm at its Best
This is a speeding ticket and ensuing letter for a guy who was sent a speeding ticket that was dated the day he was born.
Click on each image and enlarge to read, it is hilarious and well worth the read ROTFLOL
Click on each image and enlarge to read, it is hilarious and well worth the read ROTFLOL
Yeah!!! A Quiz
The answers are listed below and don’t cheat, you bastards. Let me know how you did.
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1. The maker doesn’t want it; the buyer doesn’t use it; and the user doesn’t see it. What is it?
2. A child is born in Boston, Massachusetts to parents who were both born in Boston, Massachusetts. The child is not a United States citizen. How is this possible?
3. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?
4. Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet her birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?
5. Captain Frank and some of the boys were exchanging old war stories. Art Bragg offered one about how his grandfather led a battalion against a German division during World War I. Through brilliant maneuvers, he defeated them and captured valuable territory. After the battle he was presented with a sword bearing the inscription “To Captain Bragg for Bravery, Daring and Leadership. World War I. From the Men of Battalion “Captain Frank looked at Art and said, “You really don’t expect anyone to believe that yarn, do you?” What’s wrong with the story?
6. What is one thing that all wise men, regardless of their religion or politics, agree is between heaven and earth?
7. In what year did Christmas and New Year’s fall in the same year?
8. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more than 1989 American dollar bills?
9. A farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many are left?
10. How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?
11. How could you rearrange the letters in the words “new door” to make one word? Note: There is only one correct answer.
12. Even if they are starving, natives living in the Arctic will never eat a penguin’s egg. Why not?
13. Which is correct to say, “The yolk of the egg are white” or “The yolk of the egg is white”?
14. In Okmulgee, Oklahoma, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?
15.There were an electrician and a plumber waiting in line for admission to the International Home Show,” One of them was the father of the other’s son. How could this be possible?
16. A butcher in the butcher shop is 5′ 10″ tall. What does he weigh? . . .
*ANSWERS* .
1. A coffin.
2. The child was born before 1776.
3. Mount Everest (it just hadn’t been discovered).
4. Clara lives in the southern hemisphere.
5. World War I wasn’t called “World War I” until World War II.
6. The word “and”.
7. They fall in the same year every year. New Year’s Day just arrives very early in the year and Christmas arrives very late in the same year.
8. One thousand nine hundred and ninety dollar bills are worth one dollar more than one thousand nine hundred and eighty-nine dollar bills.
9. Nine.
10. Only once, and then you are subtracting it from 20.
11. “One word”
12. Penguins live in the Antarctic.
13. Neither. The yolk of the egg is yellow.
14. You have to take a picture of a man with a camera, not with a wooden leg.
15. They were husband and wife.
16. Meat.
. *************************************************************************************************** .
1. The maker doesn’t want it; the buyer doesn’t use it; and the user doesn’t see it. What is it?
2. A child is born in Boston, Massachusetts to parents who were both born in Boston, Massachusetts. The child is not a United States citizen. How is this possible?
3. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?
4. Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet her birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?
5. Captain Frank and some of the boys were exchanging old war stories. Art Bragg offered one about how his grandfather led a battalion against a German division during World War I. Through brilliant maneuvers, he defeated them and captured valuable territory. After the battle he was presented with a sword bearing the inscription “To Captain Bragg for Bravery, Daring and Leadership. World War I. From the Men of Battalion “Captain Frank looked at Art and said, “You really don’t expect anyone to believe that yarn, do you?” What’s wrong with the story?
6. What is one thing that all wise men, regardless of their religion or politics, agree is between heaven and earth?
7. In what year did Christmas and New Year’s fall in the same year?
8. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more than 1989 American dollar bills?
9. A farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many are left?
10. How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?
11. How could you rearrange the letters in the words “new door” to make one word? Note: There is only one correct answer.
12. Even if they are starving, natives living in the Arctic will never eat a penguin’s egg. Why not?
13. Which is correct to say, “The yolk of the egg are white” or “The yolk of the egg is white”?
14. In Okmulgee, Oklahoma, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?
15.There were an electrician and a plumber waiting in line for admission to the International Home Show,” One of them was the father of the other’s son. How could this be possible?
16. A butcher in the butcher shop is 5′ 10″ tall. What does he weigh? . . .
*ANSWERS* .
1. A coffin.
2. The child was born before 1776.
3. Mount Everest (it just hadn’t been discovered).
4. Clara lives in the southern hemisphere.
5. World War I wasn’t called “World War I” until World War II.
6. The word “and”.
7. They fall in the same year every year. New Year’s Day just arrives very early in the year and Christmas arrives very late in the same year.
8. One thousand nine hundred and ninety dollar bills are worth one dollar more than one thousand nine hundred and eighty-nine dollar bills.
9. Nine.
10. Only once, and then you are subtracting it from 20.
11. “One word”
12. Penguins live in the Antarctic.
13. Neither. The yolk of the egg is yellow.
14. You have to take a picture of a man with a camera, not with a wooden leg.
15. They were husband and wife.
16. Meat.
25 Funniest Analogies
The e-mail says they are taken from actual high school essays and collected by English teachers across the country for their own amusement. Some of these kids may have bright futures as humor writers. What do you think?
1. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
Table Manners
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute , I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite."
"What about you, Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's bet ter, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table."
"And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you, after dinner.'"
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute , I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite."
"What about you, Sherman, how would you say it?" Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's bet ter, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table."
"And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say, 'Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you, after dinner.'"
Great Con-Artists, Scammers & Rip Off Artists
In 1872, veteran prospectors Philip Arnold and John Slack bought $35,000 worth of diamonds in Europe and scattered them on land in Wyoming. They managed to convince the Bank of San Francisco they had discovered a diamond field and made $700,000.
Starting in 1921, Oscar Merril Hartzell began a scam selling fake shares in the estate of Sir Francis Drake. He contacted as many families as he could find with the surname Drake and was eventually accused of defrauding 270,000 people. The hoax netted him over $2,000,000.
When J. Bam Morrison arrived at Wetumka, Oklahoma in 1950, he claimed to be the advance publicity man for Bohn's United Circus, which, he maintained, was due to hit town in three weeks. He allegedly sold advertising space to local traders...for a circus that didn't exist.
By forging signatures, James Addison Reavis was able to claim he was the legal owner of 17,000 square miles of Arizona. The enterprise raked in $300,000 a year until he was arrested in 1895 and he was sentenced to six years in prison.
Joseph Weill, who inspired the movie "The Sting," rented abandoned banks and convinced businessmen that he had set up a genuine bank. He waited for them to deposit large sums of money before shutting down and moving on to the next town. This, plus some of his other scams, earned him over $6,000,000.
Now we can add Bernie Madoff!
Starting in 1921, Oscar Merril Hartzell began a scam selling fake shares in the estate of Sir Francis Drake. He contacted as many families as he could find with the surname Drake and was eventually accused of defrauding 270,000 people. The hoax netted him over $2,000,000.
When J. Bam Morrison arrived at Wetumka, Oklahoma in 1950, he claimed to be the advance publicity man for Bohn's United Circus, which, he maintained, was due to hit town in three weeks. He allegedly sold advertising space to local traders...for a circus that didn't exist.
By forging signatures, James Addison Reavis was able to claim he was the legal owner of 17,000 square miles of Arizona. The enterprise raked in $300,000 a year until he was arrested in 1895 and he was sentenced to six years in prison.
Joseph Weill, who inspired the movie "The Sting," rented abandoned banks and convinced businessmen that he had set up a genuine bank. He waited for them to deposit large sums of money before shutting down and moving on to the next town. This, plus some of his other scams, earned him over $6,000,000.
Now we can add Bernie Madoff!
Questions
Sexual harassment at work-is it a problem for the self-employed?
Victoria Wood
After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
Steven Wright
What happens if you go on a survival course - and you don't pass?
What happens if you take No-Doze and wash it down with Nyquil?
Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?
What is shaved ice? Did it have hair on it before it was shaved?
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
Where do they get Spring water in the other 3 seasons?
Where does the fire go when the fire goes out?
How do I set my laser printer on stun?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Victoria Wood
After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
Steven Wright
What happens if you go on a survival course - and you don't pass?
What happens if you take No-Doze and wash it down with Nyquil?
Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?
What is shaved ice? Did it have hair on it before it was shaved?
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
Where do they get Spring water in the other 3 seasons?
Where does the fire go when the fire goes out?
How do I set my laser printer on stun?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Did You Know....? - Art for Arts Sake
Off the coast of Florida, where the sea is only 20ft deep, stands an underwater statue of Christ. The base of the 9ft statue rests on the sandy floor and the top is viewed from the surface by tourists in glass-bottomed boats.
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Keck
Origin: Unknown
Definition: Drumming in an unorganized fashion (chiefly in drum and bugle corps).
Kecking can take place on any available surface including but not limited to:
a drum, a practice pad, a table top, the back of a chair, your own knee, someone else's head, a pot, the floor, a basketball hoop, the ceiling of a bus, the floor of a bus, the bus driver.
Example: Snares, quit kecking while the horn line tunes.
Definition: Drumming in an unorganized fashion (chiefly in drum and bugle corps).
Kecking can take place on any available surface including but not limited to:
a drum, a practice pad, a table top, the back of a chair, your own knee, someone else's head, a pot, the floor, a basketball hoop, the ceiling of a bus, the floor of a bus, the bus driver.
Example: Snares, quit kecking while the horn line tunes.
Great Ways to Annoy People in the Computer Lab
Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.
Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different monitor than the one it's set up with.
Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
Light candles in a circle around your terminal before starting.
Play "Pong" for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.
Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.
Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different monitor than the one it's set up with.
Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
Light candles in a circle around your terminal before starting.
Play "Pong" for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.
Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.
Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.
Stare at the person's next to your's screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.
When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.
25 Ways to Annoy the Pizza Guy
1. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
2. Ask for extra homo-sapien
3. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
4. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
5. Ask them if you get a free date with one of the staff if you make an order over $30.
6. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
7. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
8. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
9. Order a one-inch pizza.
10. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
11. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
12. Ask them to not put a band-aid on it this time or you will sue.
13. Change your accent every three seconds.
14. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he says it, say, "Please don't mention that word."
15. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
16. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
17. Imitate the order taker's voice.
18. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream GOODBYE at the top of your lungs.
19. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
20. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
21. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
22. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
23. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
24. When they repeat your order, say, "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
25. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
2. Ask for extra homo-sapien
3. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
4. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
5. Ask them if you get a free date with one of the staff if you make an order over $30.
6. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
7. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
8. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
9. Order a one-inch pizza.
10. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
11. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
12. Ask them to not put a band-aid on it this time or you will sue.
13. Change your accent every three seconds.
14. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he says it, say, "Please don't mention that word."
15. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
16. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
17. Imitate the order taker's voice.
18. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream GOODBYE at the top of your lungs.
19. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
20. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
21. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
22. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
23. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
24. When they repeat your order, say, "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
25. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
40 Things You Would Like to Say at Work
1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
40. Oh I get it... like humor... but different.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
40. Oh I get it... like humor... but different.
32 Craziest Items of Barack Obama Merchandise
Despite a stagnant economy and a presidential campaign that set new fundraising records, many political junkies still have money to burn. Luckily, savvy entrepreneurs found a solution for that: put Barack Obama on anything and sell it. Here are the most ridiculous items Obama is selling right now:
The Yes We Can Opener
For the rest of the items on the list click here
Thanks to Videosurf.com
The Yes We Can Opener
For the rest of the items on the list click here
Thanks to Videosurf.com
Hey Brad - XYZ!!
Poor Brad Pitt is so busy jet setting the world promoting The Curious Care of Benjamin Button, going to Awards shows in The States and filming Inglourious Basterds in Brelin plus he is the father of 6 kids under 7 and doing Angelina Joile, that he forgot to zip up his jeans. Which is bad for him, but is great for us! And it could have been even better had his little Basterd come out to play!!! To be honest I am surprosed he even has the energy to get dressed!
Quasi's Movie Pick For January 09 - Eagle Eye
Jerry and Rachel are two strangers thrown together by a mysterious phone call from a woman they have never met. Threatening their lives and family, she pushes Jerry and Rachel into a series of increasingly dangerous situations, using the technology of everyday life to track and control their every move.
Links: http://rapidshare.com/files/171116092/3ejfge71.part01.rar
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Links: http://rapidshare.com/files/171116092/3ejfge71.part01.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/171117948/3ejfge71.part02.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/171119769/3ejfge71.part03.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/171121692/3ejfge71.part04.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/171123644/3ejfge71.part05.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/171125529/3ejfge71.part06.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/171127479/3ejfge71.part07.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/171129417/3ejfge71.part08.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/171131348/3ejfge71.part09.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/171133264/3ejfge71.part10.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/171135138/3ejfge71.part11.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/171137108/3ejfge71.part12.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/171139036/3ejfge71.part13.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/171140691/3ejfge71.part14.rar
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