A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. The bartender gives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts.
To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl.
"You look great tonight!" it said. "You really look fantastic - and that aftershave is just wonderful!"
The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it.
Realizing he has no cigarettes, he wanders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, another voice emits from the machine.
"Who let you in here? Did you check the mirror before you left the house? Get away from me, you oaf!"
The e-mail says they are taken from actual high school essays and collected by English teachers across the country for their own amusement. Some of these kids may have bright futures as humor writers. What do you think?
1. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.