Dear Abbey

Dear Abby

I have been so blessed in my life. Great parents, great wife and kids, great job, and great education.

When I finally retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favorite pastime — bass fishing. I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing.

Finally, one day at the Bait &Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam the shop owner who it turned out loves bass fishing as much as I do. We quickly became fishing buddies. As I said the wife doesn’t care about fishing; she not only refuses to join us she always complains that I spend too much time fishing.

A few weeks ago Sam and I had the best fishing trip ever. Not only did I catch the most beautiful bass you’ve ever seen, only a few minutes later Sam must have caught his twin brother! So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice bass that we caught and showed the picture to the wife hoping that maybe she’d get interested. Instead she says she doesn’t want me to go fishing at all anymore! And she wants me to sell the boat! I think she just doesn’t like to see me enjoying myself.

What would you do? Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists?

A fisherman.

PS I have enclosed the picture of Sam showing off the bass we caught.

Dear Fisherman,

Get rid of that narrow minded wife.

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A little boy was attending his first wedding.
After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said.
"All you have to do is add it up, like the pastor said,
4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother,

"Mom, I’ve decided to become a minister when I grow up."

"That’s okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway,
and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."

A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.

"How do you know what to say?" he asked.

"Why, God tells me."

"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

A little girl became restless as the preacher’s sermon dragged on and on.
Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered,
"Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

Ms. Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories.

She was puzzled by Kyle’s picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.

"The Flight to Egypt ," was his reply.

Pointing at each figure, Ms.. Terri said,
"That must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus. But who’s the fourth person?"

"Oh, that’s Pontius - the pilot!"

The Sunday School Teacher asks,
"Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"

"No sir," little Johnny replies, "I don’t have to. My mom is a good cook."

This is the best one.

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather’s lap as he read her a bedtime story.

From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch
his wrinkled cheek.
She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.

Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"

"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."

"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"

"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed,
"God’s getting better at it, isn’t he ?"

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The Lone Rangers Last Request

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaims,

"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ...

"In honour of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."

"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"

"What is your FIRST request ???'

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.

Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.
As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits
he's impressed..
"You have a very fine and loyal horse",
"But I will still kill you in two days."

"What is your SECOND request ???"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.
Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.

As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.

Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.

She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.
"You are indeed a man of many talents,"
"But I will still kill you tomorrow."

"What is your LAST request ???"

The Lone Ranger responds,

"I'd like to speak to my horse, .... alone."

The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, Looks him square in the eye and says,

Listen Very Carefully !!!!
FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...

I SAID ...


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Disney Twisted Princess

Deviant Art is a great source of artwork to see what the minds from around the world have come up with. Artist Jeffrey Thomas has created a “Twisted Princess” series, taking some of Disney finest characters and giving them a turn for the macabre. You can check out some of his work below, and check out his Deviant Art profile for more examples and information:

This one is my favourite so far

To Read/See the rest, Click Here

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Britain Running Out of Cocks

Britain is suffering from a lack of Cocks The number of people in Britain with amusing surnames like Cockshott, Balls, Death and Shufflebottom has declined by up to 75 percent in the last century - as people with silly names either fail to pass them on to the next generation, or leave the country entirely.

A study found the number of people with the name Cock shrank to 785 last year from 3,211 in 1881, those called Balls fell to 1,299 from 2,904 and the number of Deaths were reduced to 605 from 1,133.

People named Smellie decreased by 70 percent, Dafts by 51 percent, Gotobeds by 42 percent, Shufflebottoms by 40 percent, and Cockshotts by 34 percent, said Richard Webber, visiting professor of geography at King's College, London.

Wangs, however, have experienced dramatic growth.

'If you find the (absolute) number goes down, it's either because they changed their names or they emigrated,' Webber, author of the study, told Reuters on Wednesday.

He said that in many cases, people probably changed their surnames as they came to be regarded as in bad taste.

'It's because the meaning of words can change. Take the name Daft - that as a term for a stupid is a relatively recent innovation.'

'That's why there are names which people think aren't really very pleasant names and you wonder why they persisted as long as they did.'

Webber, whose work can be seen on the website, obtained his data for 2008 from a credit card firm and a mapping service. He then compared it with the census of 1881.

Webber also discovered that the most popular names in Britain have not changed over the past 127 years.

Last year, Smith, Jones, Williams, Brown, Taylor and Davies held the top six spots, in exactly the same order as they did a century ago.

Webber also found that between 1996 and 2008, the names Zhang, Wang, and Yang and experienced the fastest growth. Zhang rose by 4719 percent, while Wang grew by 2225 percent.

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Did You know....? - Wish You Were Here?

Nauru is the only country in the world with no official capital. Its government offices are all in the Yaren District but no single place has been declared the capital.

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Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Face Licker

Origin: Unknown

Definition: A man or woman who kisses are so wet you have to use a towel afterwards.

Example: Be sure to have a towel with you if you kiss her, she's a real facelicker.

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There Are Worse Things In Life

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.

It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

"Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk.

I love you!

Call when it is safe for me to come home.

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Ethical Dilemma

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night.
You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car.

Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;
or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back.

However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. I love this, I may actually use it sometime for an interview situation.


He simply answered: ""I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital.
I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams.""

Never forget to ""Think Outside of the Box."

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Celebrities on Celebrities

I'm the Connie Francis of rock 'n' roll.
Elton John

I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults.
David Lee Roth

If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect.
Ted Turner

I never know how much of what I say is true.
Bette Midler

I have nothing intelligent to say.
Meg Tilly, when approached by a TV reporter asking questions on her way into the 1997 Oscar ceremonies.

I'm a meathead. I can't help it, man. You've got smart people and you've got dumb people.
Keanu Reeves

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