The Irish Prostitute

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cussed her. ‘Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?’

The girl, crying, replied, ‘Sniff, sniff…Dad…I became a prostitute…’

‘Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family.’

‘OK, Dad– as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club… (takes a breath) …and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and…’

‘Now what was it ye said ye had become?’ says Dad.

Girl, crying again, ‘Sniff, sniff… a prostitute Daddy! Sniff, sniff.’

‘Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old Dad a hug.’

Filed under Jokes

Dictionary for Women

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he hasn't realized it yet.

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but, he "made the dinner."

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend ½ an hour writing, then forget to take to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n Similar to a black hole in space -- if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...breathe...push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n. Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n. The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

Filed under Jokes, Lists

Cats and Teenagers

For all of you with teenagers or who had teenagers, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats:

1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.

2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.

3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.

4. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing.

5. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did.

Filed under Jokes, Lists

2% Milk

Filed under Fun Pics

Workplace Safety

Filed under Fun Pics

Karmasheetra

Filed under Fun Pics

Awesome Epitaph

Filed under Fun Pics

Thursday Advertising - Silk Soft Toilet Paper

Filed under Advertising

Did You Know....? - A Matter of Life and Death

The New York City Morgue in the Bronx is sometimes so busy that relatives are given numbers and asked to wait in line to be called to identify the body.

Filed under Did You Know..... (Fun Trivia)

Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - YAWP

Origin: Australian Slang

Definition: A battle cry. Used often by certain members of a boarding school in Australia. Derived from Dead Poets Society the movie.

Example: Q: I challenge you to a match. A: YAWP!

Filed under Sneak's Slip N Slang

Perfect Day

Filed under Fun Pics

Bone-less Chicken

Filed under Fun Pics

Durex Warrantee

Filed under Fun Pics

Can You Believe His Luck?

Filed under Fun Pics

Dream Employee

Filed under Fun Pics

Wednesday De-Motivator

Filed under De-Motivators

Did You Know....? - Rotten Rulers

Murade IV, who ruled Turkey in the 17th century, found a highly effective way of demonstrating that smoking can seriously damage your health. He ordered that anyone caught smoking be executed on the spot, and that their bodies be left where they were slain as a deterrent to others. Murad was intolerant of many things. He once had a party of female picnickers drowned because they were making too much noise.

Filed under Did You Know..... (Fun Trivia)

Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - PAT

Origin: American Slang

Definition: Pitching a tent.

Example: Hey, look I'm P.A.T.

Filed under Sneak's Slip N Slang

Where All Your Old Phones Go...

ONLY IN NEW ZEALAND

Where old phones go . . .
everyone of these sheep is made from obsolete telephones and cords . . .
check out their feet!!!

Filed under Cool Stuff, Fun Pics

Housewife of the Year Nominee

Remember when you last said to a visitor ...
"sorry about the mess, I haven’t done my cleaning yet today!"
.....- well, you’ll never say it again after seeing this!!!

OMG this is absolutely gross. Where did she sit or sleep for that matter???

This is an actual apartment..found in Houston after the evacuation for the hurricane. This is NOT hurricane damage....it was found this way prior to the hurricane. Hard to believe there wasn't a fire with all the cigarettes.

Did this woman never hear of an ashtray?

All the Febreeze and Clorox in the world.....is not going to help this mess!

NOOOOOOOOO not the Computer!!!!

ok..here comes the bad parts......

She had intentions of cleaning.......probably put it off till tomorrow~

Im thinkin....wheres the other high heel?

I'm thinkin if those things sittin on the bathroom sink had wings they'd fly away

I have come to one conclusion in all of this......
and its that this woman does not like to cook.
(ok..a couple other conclusions also)

Filed under News Worthy, Other

No Dumping

Filed under Fun Pics

Reality of Divorce

Filed under Fun Pics

Zero-X

Filed under Fun Pics

Coffee

Filed under Fun Pics

Dr. Seuss

Filed under Fun Pics

Tuesday Signs of the Times

Filed under Signs

Did You Know....? - Made in Britain

When it was built in 1286, Harlech Castle in West Wales was right on the coast. Now it is half a mile inland. This is because the land around the castle is slowly rising - part of northern Britain springing back into position after being weighed down during the ice age.

Filed under Did You Know..... (Fun Trivia)

Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Flic

Origin: French Slang

Definition: cop, police officer

Example: Ralentis, il y a une voiture de flics derrière nous (Slow down, there is a cop car behind us.)

Filed under Sneak's Slip N Slang

Dear Penis

Filed under Fun Vids

How Not To Pay Attention (Shocking)

video

Filed under Other

Bizzare Books

1. Mated With A Clown; 1884

2. Our Lady of the Potatoes; 1995

3. The Joy of the Upright Man; 1619

4. My Invisible Friend Explains the Bible; 1971

5. Follow Your Broken Nose; 1950

6. The Great Pantyhose Crafts Book; 1982

7. Pernicious Pork; or, Astounding Revelations of the Evil Effects of Eating Swine Flesh; 1903

8. Thirty-six Reasons for Believing in Everlasting Punishment; 1887 9. 1587. A Year of No Importance; n.p. 10. Life and Laughter 'midst the Cannibals; 1926

Filed under Lists

Education

"In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards."
Mark Twain

"Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten."
B.F. Skinner

"The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth which it prevents you from achieving."
Russell Green

"Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths pure theatre."
Gail Godwin

"Education is a companion which no misfortune can depress, no crime can destroy, no enemy can alienate,no despotism can enslave. At home, a friend, abroad, an introduction, in solitude a solace and in society an ornament.It chastens vice, it guides virtue, it gives at once grace and government to genius. Without it, what is man? A splendid slave, a reasoning savage."
Joseph Addison

Filed under Fun Pics

Things That Make You Say Bugger!!!

Filed under Fun Pics

Iran on Facebook

Filed under Fun Pics

Ham

Filed under Fun Pics

Practice Safe Sex T-Shirt

Filed under Fun Pics

I Know Whats Wrong

Filed under Fun Pics

Barney - After the Cancellation of His Show

Filed under Fun Pics

Monday FAIL

Filed under Fun Pics

Did You Know....? - Quick Singles

Sussex batman H.J Heygate was given out in a match with Somerset in 1919 because he didn't reach the crease within two minutes of the fall of the previous wicket. Poor Heygate was crippled with rheumatism.

Filed under Did You Know..... (Fun Trivia)

Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Shoulder Surfer

Origin: American Slang

Definition: someone who looks over your shoulder as you browse the Internet

Example: Every time that I browse the Internet in the computer lab it seems like a shoulder surfer comes along.

Filed under Sneak's Slip N Slang

This Ain't Star Trek

The, um, film will be available for purchase / download beginning May 12.

Filed under Cool Stuff, Fun Pics

The Longest Way

Thanks Uncle Bungee for this Awesome Vid

Filed under Cool Stuff, Fun Vids

Great News Articles

Filed under Fun Pics, News Worthy

Deer Season

Filed under Fun Pics

Satanism FAIL

Filed under FAIL, Fun Pics

Stole My Melon

Filed under Fun Pics

Why Does it Say "www.Bangbros.com"?

Filed under Fun Pics

Mario World

Filed under Fun Pics

In the Event of an Emergency

Filed under Fun Pics

Friday Man Babe - Chris Cuba

OMG this guy is smokin!!! NOM

Filed under Man Babes

Friday Funny

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"

Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"

Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.

By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"

And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"

Filed under Friday Funnies

Did You Know....? - Unhappy Endings

Crown Prince Luis Filipe was King of Portugal for less than half an hour. In 1908, the prince was mortally wounded in the same attack that saw his father, King Charles, shot dead by an assassin. The prince survived his father by just 20 minutes but was technically king for that period.

Filed under Did You Know..... (Fun Trivia)

Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Yuzzy

Origin: American Slang

Description: Describing someone given to the prevailing fashions of heavy metal: rock jerseys, really tight jeans, feathered hair, combs in back pockets, bandanas tied around thighs, untied high-top shoes, etc. The word is a play on yuppie or young urban professional, but stands for young urban ozzy because these folks tend to love Ozzy Osborn.

Example: This neighbourhood is being overrun by yuzzies. Just look at all the Camaros on bricks in these front yards.

Filed under Sneak's Slip N Slang

PS3 Rock Band Nirvana

Filed under Fun Pics

Apple Approves Baby Shaker App

If you needed any further proof that Apple's App Store approval process is horrifyingly out of whack, consider one of the latest additions to the App Store: Baby Shaker.

A company called Sikalosoft is currently selling a $0.99 iPhone application called Baby Shaker, as of Monday. The object of Baby Shaker is to stop the incessant crying of an infant pictured on screen by violently shaking the iPhone, at which point two red "x" marks appear over the baby's eyes. "See how long you can endure his or her adorable cries before you just have to find a way to quiet the baby down!" reads the sales pitch for Baby Shaker.

Jennipher Dickens, who founded a nonprofit organization in 2007 after her son Christopher was injured from being shaken by his father, brought the new application to our attention after reading about it on Krapps, an iPhone application review site. I downloaded it from the App Store this morning to verify it existed and worked as described.

"As a mother of a child who was violently shaken at 7 weeks old, causing a severe brain injury, and the founder of a national organization for Shaken Baby Syndrome prevention (as well as the communications director for a national organization helping children with brain injuries), I don't have to tell you how much this horrifies me!!!" she wrote in an e-mail.

When the App Store was first announced in March 2008, Apple said it would vet every single application submitted to the App Store and approve or reject applications based on its internal standards. So, as Apple approaches the one billionth download of App Store applications, let's review what Apple has decided you're allowed to do, and what you're not allowed to do, with iPhone applications.

You are not allowed to have swear words in your application.

You are not allowed to develop applications that could potentially harm existing or future Apple businesses.

You are allowed to develop applications that break App Store rules if you work for one of the most important companies on the planet, whose CEO happens to sit on Apple's board of directors.

You are allowed to simulate infanticide.

Apple representatives did not respond to requests for comment on Baby Shaker.

Filed under News Worthy

Malware Targets Macs

With researchers reporting the first Macintosh-specific malware to be found "in the wild" on the Internet, Mac users want to know what to do. My advice: Nothing. But, this is a good news/bad news story.

The good news for Mac users is that you do not need to buy anti-virus software. The bad news is that one word must now be appended to that sentence, "Yet."

For years, we've been in a period of what cancer doctors call, "watchful waiting." In this case, we know its possible for the cancer of malware to infect our beloved Macs, but so far, all the cells we have found are pretty much benign.

So it is with iBotNet, a Mac-specific Trojan Horse program that is acquired only by downloading a pirated copy of iWork, the Apple productivity suite. It does not spread from computer-to-computer on its own.

Once infected, the Mac can be controlled remotely by the creator of the malware, but iBotNet is not especially threatening, in the way the recent Conficker worm continues to threaten the Internet.

Experts say iBotNet infects only a few thousand computers at most and is not a danger to the average Mac user. It may not even be the first malware to target the Mac, though others did so along with infecting Windows machines.

Why Is This Happening?

The upside of having a tiny market share has been that it kept Macs out of the sights of malware creators. The Mac is not especially vulnerable to malware, but it is not immune either.

There was also some feeling that malware authors targets Windows not just because it was the predominant platform but because of some anti-Microsoft bias.

As malware has grown from hackler trick to global criminal enterprise, Macintosh has grown, too. With an increasing market share, currently in the 8 to 10 percent range, and an affluent customer base, it is only a matter of time before Mac becomes a full-fledged target.

That has not happened as yet. While I have expected it for sometime, this is still not the moment for most people to purchase anti-virus software for their Macs. However, there is a warning attached to this advice.

When a virulent piece of Mac malware finally does emerge, it will be able to move quickly because Mac users will be slow to react. Unlike Windows, were people have antivirus software (or should) and it is frequently updated to counter new threats, the vast majority of Mac users have no protection at all.

You can think of this as a person who lacks an immune system and is defenseless against disease. Macs aren't completely defenseless, thanks to ongoing improvements to the operating system, but they certainly aren't protected.

That creates a potentially nasty scenario for Mac users. A very conservative approach would be to go ahead and protect yourself. Antivirus vendors will happily take your money.

What I am doing is what I have always done: Nothing, but I will now be on heightened alert and hope the malware malignancy will remain at bay for a while longer.

Filed under News Worthy

Reporters Getting Owned

Filed under Fun Vids

Lego for Adults (Slightly NSFW)

Filed under Fun Pics, NSFW

Why Why Why

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are going dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you !

Filed under Lists

Business

"When you need to knock on wood is when you realize the world's composed of aluminum and vinyl."
[Flugg]

"If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then add one more as an afterthought, he'll forget two of the first five."
[Wives]

"Keep up with the Grabowskis . . . you'll never make enough to keep up with the Joneses."
[Advice on Status]

"Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work."

"The dirt is also on the other side."
[Frisk Principle of Window Cleaning]

"When all else fails, why not read the instructions?"

"We should refrain from making very harsh judgments of people just because they happen to be dirty, no-good s.o.b.s."

Filed under Quotes

Why are Men Becoming More and More Body Conscience Like Women........

BOTTOMS UP MEN'S PADDED BRIEFS ·

Our Butt Padded Boxer Briefs are designed and manufactured in Canada exclusively for BOTTOMS UP.
· A defining centre back seam separates our butt pads creating an anatomically correct bottom for a more natural look.
· Our contoured front pouch, allows for comfort, style and support from the double layer of fabric.
· 1-1/4" soft, comfortable, elastic waistband hugs the body and holds the briefs and pads in place.
· BOTTOMS UP briefs are made from a soft, brushed cotton jersey with a lycra/spandex content (92% cotton/8% lycra-spandex) providing durability, practicality, and form fitting garments that hug your body and are both machine washable and dryable.
· Our briefs come in four sizes Small : (28"-31"), Medium : (32"-34"), Large : (35"-37"), & X-Large : (38"-42") · BOTTOMS UP briefs should be purchased closest to your actual size : buying them too big will cause wear-out faster and could cause you to have a "baggy butt".
· BOTTOMS UP briefs come in three colours White and BLACK with matching waistbands & GREY with contrasting black waistband.
· The best quality workmanship goes into each and every pair of double stitched briefs.
· With built in pockets in the butt to hold your BUTT PADS and hidden pocket in the crotch area for our POUCH ENHANCEMENT PAD double layers of fabric provide for strength and longevity in your briefs.
· BOTTOMS UP boxer briefs create a natural look when under clothing and our pads also provide the utmost in comfort for wearing for long periods of time and/or sitting on hard chairs and surfaces.

BOTTOMS UP MEN'S BUTT PADS

BOTTOMS UP pads are made from high quality, memory retaining foam rubber.
· Contoured to fit the natural curves of the body and held in place in a specially built pocket inside your briefs.
· Our anatomically correct pads are moulded to fit the natural contours of the body and the fabric cover is fused to the foam during the moulding process. There is a RIGHT and LEFT pad and our removable pads last longer when they are hand washed and air dried.
· BOTTOMS UP padding provides the "look" you desire for better fitting clothes and provide additional comfort.
· Our pads are available in three sizes: - Quarterback - 1/2" or 1.4 cm thick, Halfback - 7/8" or 2.2 cm thick Fullback - 1 1/8" or 2.7 cm thick
· For first time optimum effect we suggest you put your jeans or pants on BEFORE you look in the mirror.
· The weight and fit of your pants compresses the pads - the most natural look is achieved with you pants on.
· Each pair of BOTTOMS UP briefs you purchase includes ONE pair of Pads.
· You chose the thickness of pads you would like when you place your order.
· Additional Bottoms Up Butt Pads are available when placing your order.

POUCH ENHANCEMENT PADS

· Unique to BOTTOMS UP, our POUCH PADS provide PROTECTION and ENHANCEMENT.
· Made of memory retention high quality foam designed to fit the natural male anatomy.
· REMOVABLE and WASHABLE, these pads fit snugly into a hidden pocket inside your briefs.
· Available as an accessory to your briefs when you place your order (not included with briefs : must be ordered separately)

Filed under News Worthy

Sensitive Guy

Filed under Fun Pics

Starbucks Letter

Filed under Fun Pics

Model Body

Filed under Fun Pics

Angry Letter

Click on image to enlarge and read

Filed under Fun Pics

Thursday Advertising - LADA

Filed under Advertising

Did You Know....? - Trivial Pursuits

There is one subtle difference between Australia's Henley-on-Todd Regatta and England's Henley-on-Thames Regatta - the Todd River is invariably dry. But it's just as well, because all the boats taking part in the Australian event are bottomless. Instead of rowing, the crews pole theirs legs through the holes in the boats and run along the river bed course.

Filed under Did You Know..... (Fun Trivia)

Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Rah Rah

Origin: American Slang

Definition: cheerleader

Example: I’m going to try out to become a rah-rah this year.

Filed under Sneak's Slip N Slang

30 Uncensored Sesame Street Photos

CLICK HERE TO SEE 29 MORE UNCENSORED SESAME STREET PHOTOS

Filed under Fun Pics

God Grants A Wish

A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, “Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.” The biker pulled over and said, “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.”

The Lord said, “Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for Me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.”

The biker thought about it for a long time Finally he said, “Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing’s wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.”

The Lord replied, “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?.”

Filed under Jokes

Mothers Day Present for All Those Single Mothers Out There

Filed under Animated

Green Porno Season 2 is Out

Following up the critical and popular success of her 2008 short film series about the sex lives of insects, Isabella Rossellini migrates from the land to the sea in Green Porno 2.

Like the first season of Green Porno, this batch of very short films about the reproductive habits of marine animals is scientifically accurate yet extremely entertaining. Produced by Isabella Rossellini, Jody Shapiro and Rick Gilbert.

CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT MORE ABOUT GREEN PORNO

Filed under Cool Stuff

What Is Your Green Porno Name?

My GREEN PORNO NAME IS:

FIONA FIREBRAT

Click Here to Find out Your

Green Porno Name

Filed under Cool Stuff

Why Can't I Get A Job?

Filed under Fun Pics

How to Piss People Off

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."

Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."

If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."

Practice making fax and modem noises.

Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.

Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

Staple pages in the middle of the page.

Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.

Honk and wave to strangers.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.

TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

type only in lowercase.

dont use any punctuation either

Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

Ask people what gender they are.

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Sing along at the opera.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Filed under Jokes, Lists

Human Slinky

Filed under Fun Vids

Great Office Time Waster

Click on the pic to be taken to the Time Waster

Filed under Cool Stuff

Hang This From Your Office Door

BEFORE YOU COME INTO MY OFFICE AND BOTHER ME, PLEASE CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING...

If you have a question about the thermostat, ask someone on the lower level… where the furnace is.

If you have a question about your own schedule, ask yourself “Where do I need to be and when, and what does it have to do with the person I am about to ask?”

If you have a question regarding finance/billing, please clock out and drive to the nearest bank so that you may address the matter with a professional who gets paid specifically to serve you.

If you have a question about why your long-standing office gripe has not yet been addressed, try saying a prayer; make sure to ask for “JESUS”.

If you are wondering why I told you “You’re great!” at the Christmas party and then never talked to you again, please visit www.drunkandstupid.com, or www.whatthefuckwasithinking.org.

If you have a question about why I am not doing more to address your needs, please submit a written question/comment card to the large wastebasket next to my desk.

If you have a legitimate personal issue with me that needs to be settled, please follow the stairwell up to our splendid roof, put your hands behind your back and dive head-first onto our lavish, freshly paved parking lot.

If none of these easy resolutions satisfy your immediate needs, please feel free to knock on my door because CLEARLY your happiness is my TOP PRIORITY!

GREAT WORKING WITH YOU, AND THANK YOU!

- Evan

Filed under Jokes, Lists

World View of the US Government

Filed under Fun Pics

Cut Down in His Prime

Filed under Fun Pics

Positive Thought for the Day

Filed under Fun Pics

I am NOT Addicted

Filed under Fun Pics

Schizophrenia

Filed under Fun Pics

Wednesday De-Motivator

Filed under De-Motivators

Did You Know....? - Quirky Customs

The most predictable race in the world is the statue race which takes place during the Festival of Candles at Gubbio in northern Italy. Every May, statues of St Ubaldo (who once saved the town from invasion), St George and St Anthony are paraded through Gubbio on top of 30ft poles before being raced up the nearby 2690ft high Monte Ingino. Since the track up the mountain is too narrow for overtaking, the result hasn't varied since the event's inception. St Ubaldo always winds, followed by St George and finally St Anthony.

Filed under Fun Pics

Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - WAF

Origin: American Slang
Definition: wife acceptance factor
Example: Staying out all night at the bar with your buddies has a low WAF.

Filed under Sneak's Slip N Slang

Who Said Trikes are for Pussies?

video

Filed under Fun Vids

How to Inflate a Tire

video

Filed under Fun Vids

Nuts

Filed under Fun Pics

Funny Farm

Filed under Fun Pics

Pedobear

Filed under Fun Pics

Warning

Filed under Fun Pics

Friends

Filed under Fun Pics

Tuesday Signs of the Times

Filed under Signs

Did You Know....? - All Our Yesterdays

The steroids of ancient Rome were dried Boar's dung. Chariot racers often took a drink made from the dung before major events.

Filed under Did You Know..... (Fun Trivia)

Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Pelefo - Adj. Pelefo'd - N.

Origin: Unknown

Definition: When the corner of a peice of paper, or material glued to a surface, peals upwards and curls off the paper.
Adj - Pelefo'd - the paper has pealed and folded upwards.
Noun - Pelefodian - A type of person that can't resist but to pick at the corner of a paper and pelefo it.

Example: V - That paper looks as if it is going to pelefo some time soon.
Adj. That basketball card has all pelefo'd, i am not going to buy that.
N. Your a pelefodian, you can' help yourself, you just have to pick at it hey.

Filed under Sneak's Slip N Slang

Conserve Toilet Paper

Filed under Fun Pics

Sexuality

A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport and took his seat. As he settled in he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He realized she was heading straight towards his seat and, bingo!, she took the seat right beside him.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual Nymphomaniac Convention in the United States".

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent. We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said ... "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."

Filed under Jokes

10 Signs You're on a Lame Spring Break

10. Your hotel room offers a breathtaking view of the Persian Gulf

9. The package is 5 days, 2 nights

8. Closest thing you get to a sunburn is a rash from the hotel linens

7. Instead of a wet t-shirt contest, there's a less satisfying "wet hat" contest

6. Limbo stick looks an awful lot like a human femur

5. Difference between the presidential suite and a regular room? Free Q-Tips

4. Ask where to take a swim, the concierge suggests mall fountain

3. The bed in your room is not a water bed but it's awfully damp

2. Conga line ends at Scientology Center

1. Most action you got was when mom kissed you goodbye

Filed under Jokes, Lists

Beauty

"Beauty is only skin deep, and the world is full of thin skinned people."
Richard Armour

"There are no ugly women; there are only women who do not know how to look pretty."
Antoine P. Berryer

"Looks are so deceptive that people should be done up like food packages with the ingredients clearly labeled."
Helen Hudson

"I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?"
Jean Kerr "The Snake Has All the Lines"

"Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid."
Hedy Lamarr

"The reason the all-American boy prefers beauty over brains is that the all-American boy can see better than he can think."
Farrah Fawcett Majors

Filed under Quotes

10 Bizzare but True Drugs and Their Effects

Seeking the ultimate high, people have ingested all kinds of bizarre chemicals and plants through history. Fortunately they have related (those who lived anyway) their experiences so we can now recount them to you. Prepare to be shocked by some of the contents on this list - you will almost certainly not know the drugging abilities of the majority of these. They may not be the most pleasant alternatives for when you run out of weed, but they certainly work. This list starts off with quite a bang, so get reading.

10
Anafranil (clomipramine)

Anafranil is an anti-depressant that causes people to have orgasms every time they yawn. Yeah. No joke. A 1983 article in the Canadian Journal of Psychiatry found a case of a woman in her twenties who came every time she yawned! She even used it to her advantage: “She found she was able to experience orgasm by deliberate yawning.” Apparently it can work for guys too. One male patient said that while he found the repeated climaxes "awkward and embarrassing, he elected to continue the medication because of the therapeutic benefit he obtained. The awkwardness and embarrassment were overcome by continuously wearing a condom."

This is one drug that had better not be outlawed. Now I just need to find a doctor willing to prescribe it!

9
DDT

Yes, this pesticide - which has now been made illegal in many countries, can produce feelings somewhat like Ecstasy (Hear that environmentalists?? You inadvertently banned a great hallucinogenic-drug!) A popular cocktail was made during the ’50s (called the Mickey Slim) was made by adding a small amount of DDT to gin! In the image above we see two women getting utterly stoned on DDT.

8
DIPT

DIPT is a tryptamine that affects auditory (sound-based) functions. Users experience things such as voices on the radio being lower in pitch than usual, music sounds distorted, and some people experience light hallucinations. The drug can cause the odd feeling of being bloated, but if you take an antacid immediately after consumption, it usually solved the problem. During the drugged experience, some users also claim to hear a constant ringing in their ears - this can (unfortunately) last for up to two weeks.

7
Saffron

Saffron is a flower used as a food additive. The Encyclopedia of Psychoactive Substances states that the orange-yellow flower “…is known to have…narcotic effects similar to those of opium.” Saffron actually has an ancient history of use as a drug - the Ancient Minoans used to drink a tea infusion of it to get high and the Persians and Greeks considered it an aphrodisiac. The Romans and Egyptians used it in various medicines.

6
Catnip

It’s not just for cats anymore! Many who have smoked it say that it gives a mellow, pot-like buzz. Though most warn that you should not get your hopes up too high. It leaves a minty aftertaste and is apparently much easier to smoke that pot (and doesn’t cause coughing).

5
Xenon (Xe)

Xenon is a heavy, odorless, inert gas that can be found in the Earth’s atmosphere, lasers, gas-discharge lamps, medical imaging, in the process of creating nuclear power, for protein crystallography, in the production of MEMS (microelectromechanical systems), and for anesthesia. Naturally, most anesthetics - like nitrous oxide and Novocaine (which is made from cocaine), have hallucinogenic side-effects. It’s effects are said to be like that of nitrous oxide, except without the auditory-effects and the “headachiness”. One anonymous user on the web-site “Lyceaum” said that it gives the user an ability to, “…zero in on ’singularity’ thoughts and memories and hold them for ’sentimental orgasms’…”

4
Various Venoms and Poisons

Many poisons (such as arsenic and strychnine) and venoms have been known to have hallucinogenic (and sometimes beneficial) effects! Mountain-climbers in late-19th-Century Austria regularly consumed arsenic to, “…obtain healthy and sturdy looks…to appear strong and robust…”, and to “…facilitate breathing while climbing…” (Baron Ernst von Bibra.) In the 1902 book, “Morphinism and Narcomanias From Other Drugs”, it even says that a person can develop an addiction to arsenic. As for venom, The Encyclopedia of Psychoactive Substances states that “…Holy men in India smoke cobra venom for its psychoactive effects. [T]heir dried venom glands or crystallized venom is often mixed with cannabis.” The Encyclopedia also reveals that ten Native American tribes in California were known to swallow live ants as a way of inducing hallucinations! The ants bite the stomach-lining, injecting their venom, and can be vomited while the ants are still alive.

3
C-4 Explosives

As everybody knows, C-4 is a very effective explosive (1.34 times more explosive than TNT!). But is it a drug? According to the book titled Uppers, Downers, All-Arrounders, it is! The authors state: “Modern veterans have been known to ingest C4…for their psychedelic effects. Tremors and seizure activity can result, but usually not an explosion, as it takes a blasting-cap to set off the chemical.” No joke. In fact, the Marine Corps training document on explosives includes the following caution: “Do not ingest any explosive material!”

2
Urine

At one time, Eskimos and tribes in Siberia were known to consume the urine of another person who had consumed fly agaric mushrooms (amanita muscaria). They did so for several reasons: Firstly, since there wasn’t an infinite supply of mushrooms, this approach help to conserve and economize them. Not only would drinking the urine of someone who had consumed the mushroom get you high, but also drinking the pee of the person who had drunk the first “batch” of urine would get you high! And so forth and so on, going up to 5 different “generations” of people! An added benefit was that pre-digested mushrooms didn’t cause as much nausea and cramps as just eating them directly. They loved this high so much, that they would butcher and eat reindeer who had also eaten fly agaric for a contact-high!

1
Salamander Brandy

No, it is not an alcohol made from salamanders, but rather from what they produce. Salamander brandy obviously can’t be found in your local liquor store. It is non-commercially produced in Slovenia. There are at least two ways of making it - both of which involve animal cruelty: (1) The salamanders are hung from their back legs, and brandy is poured onto their bodies, and drips into a cup. (2) The salamander is placed on a sieve, and brandy is poured onto them until they drown. The point of this is to infuse the alcohol with the poison salamanders produce when they are defending themselves. Nonetheless, it is said to produce symptoms like LCD and Ecstasy combined, in addition to the effects of the alcohol (although, the alcohol content is particularly low)!

Old Books

Alright, it’s not exactly old books - it is the fungi and molds that occasionally grow on them! Some of these molds and fungi are said to have hallucinogenic effects. Don’t go eating pages of old books right-off-the-bat, though. They usually also come with side-effects, such as nausea, vomiting, dizziness, and confusion!

Source: The Disinformation Book of Lists

Filed under Lists, News Worthy

Farmer in the Dell

Filed under Fun Pics

Police Blotter

Filed under Fun Pics

Evil Inside

Filed under Fun Pics

Condoms

Filed under Fun Pics

Monday FAIL

Filed under FAIL

Did You Know....? - Funny Business

Andrew Sachs needed hospital treatment while playing Manuel in Fawlty Towers. For the scene where he had to run from the blazing kitchen, his jacket smoking, special chemicals were put on his clothes to produce the desired effect. But the chemicals seeped through to his skin and burned his arm. He had to have the burns dressed daily for three weeks.

Filed under Did You Know..... (Fun Trivia)

Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Munter

Origin: English Slang

Definition: A person who is usually f@*ked up on drugs

Example: I didn’t want to go on a date with him because he is a real munter.

Filed under Sneak's Slip N Slang

The Highest Position in the World

Know who is sitting in

The Highest Position of the World ?!

U.S President , Barack Obama ?

NO

Osama Bin Laden ?

NO

UN General Secretary ?

NO

Pope Benedict ?

NO

I Will Tell You

But Please

Don't Wonder

It must take him half-a-day to get to work!

What if he wants to pee? Oh, of course - it'll evaporate before it reaches the ground

Oldies but Goodies

Filed under De-Motivators

Some Pretty Cool Photos

Filed under Fun Pics

Amazing Sand Artist

video

Filed under Cool Stuff, Fun Vids

Neighbourly Dispute

A town councillor in Wales, Mark Easton, had a beautiful view of the mountains, until a new neighbour purchased the land below his house and built a new home.

The new home was 18 inches higher than the planning dept had approved, so Mark Easton, mad about his lost view, went to the local authority to make sure they enforced the roof line height.
The new neighbour had to drop the roof height, at great expense.

Recently, Mark Easton called the planning dept, and informed them that his new neighbour had installed some vents on the side of his new property.

Mark didn't like the look of these vents and asked the planning dept. to investigate.

When they went to Mark's home to see what the vents looked like, this is what they found...

The Local Authority said the vents can stay since there is no planning law referring to shutter design.

Filed under News Worthy

Bad Day at the Office?

Filed under Fun Pics

Friday Funny

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle, "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."

She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"

"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.

"My, my," said the Poodle, "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."

She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, "How about you, little guy?"

The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua.

He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says....

Liver alone. Cheese mine.

Filed under Friday Funnies

Friday Man Babe - Adam R

Filed under Man Babes

Poo Pen

Filed under Fun Pics

Psychokinesis

Filed under Fun Pics

Bong

Filed under Fun Pics

60 Foot Penis on Roof

Filed under Fun Pics

Did You Know....? - Own Goals

US tennis sensation Venus Williams was docked a point at the 1999 Australian Open Championships when a string of beads came undone from her dreadlocked hair and scattered all over the court.

Filed under Sneak's Slip N Slang

Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Nimps

Origin: English Slang (Liverpool)

Definition: easy

Example: I shouldn’t have worried about taking the test because it was nimps.

Filed under Sneak's Slip N Slang

The Stowaway

A young blonde Auckland woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself from the Harbour Bridge .

She was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tettering on the edge of the bridge, crying.

He took pity on her and said "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship and you can start a new life in Europe .. I'll take good care of you and bring you food everyday".

"How can I repay you for such kindness" she asked.
"Just let me make love to you each night."

The blonde agreed.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.

From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.

"What are you doing here?" the captain asked.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors, whose stowed me away" she explained "I get food and free passage to Europe and he's screwing me".

"He certainly is", the captain said.

"This is the Waiheke Ferry"

Filed under Jokes

This is Why We Need to Exercise

Filed under Fun Vids

Autumn

Filed under Fun Pics

Worst Tagline Eva

Filed under Fun Pics

Bouncer Vs Loudmouth

HAHA This is Classic!!!

Filed under Fun Vids

Look Ma - I Can Fly

Filed under Animated

Great Fail

Filed under Animated, FAIL

Gotta Love Cheerleaders

Filed under Animated

God on Facebook

If you are on Facebook, you came become a friend of God. Bogus Facebook pages violate the terms of service and can easily be reported. Someone felt the need to report the fake page. Look at the additional comments!

Filed under Jokes

Greatest Workplace Safety Video

Filed under Fun Vids

MIA Security Workers Might Get to See You Naked

The measures taken to screen people at airports are getting a bit ridiculous. The government is already working on ways to determine whether you're a terrorist based on scent alone, but in the meantime, they can just take a look at a computer image of your naked body. They don't even take you to the airport bar and buy you drinks first. Larry Craig had more polite airport manners than this.

Last week, the New York Times' Joe Sharkey ran a column about the TSA's new full-body imaging machines currently in the testing phase at 19 airports across America, including Miami International. The machines use millimeter wave scanning technology to map out a rough image of a person's naked body to make sure they have no contraband on their person. We're not talking Playboy-quality images here, but the results can be embarrassing enough. Originally the machines were to be used only on highly suspect passengers, but the TSA has since begun to use them on regular passengers as well.

This week, Sharkey follows up with a horror story from Laura Holmes Joost, a Miami Beach real estate investor who was unknowingly screened at M.I.A.

"When I figured out what happened, I felt violated," she said. "I don't want some stranger looking at a naked picture of me in the next room. It's a gross invasion of my right to privacy."

The TSA swears it'll eventually get around to removing the machines' ability to store images, but if the thought of your computer-generated n00dz being perused by some strangers isn't enough, just imagine if those images ever got out.

Filed under News Worthy

Reminiscing

An husband leans over and asks his wife, 'Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.'

'Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.' 'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?' 'Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!'

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, 'Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?' Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, 'Fifty years ago the fence wasn't electric!'

Filed under Jokes

What comes between Peall and Pearce?

Filed under Fun Pics

Worlds First Flying Hotelicopter

Wow, the flying hotel and largest helicopter in the world, Cool! The Hotelicopter is modeled on the Soviet-made Mil V-12, of which there were only two prototypes ever made. The Hotelicopter Company purchased one of these prototypes from the Mikhail Leontyevich Mil helicopter plant in Panki-Tomilino, Russia in 2004 and have been engineering the world's first flying hotel ever since."The Hotelicopter features 18 luxuriously-appointed rooms for adrenaline junkies seeking a truly unique and memorable travel experience. Each soundproofed room is equipped with a queen-sized bed, fine linens, a mini-bar, coffee machine, wireless internet access, and all the luxurious appointments you'd expect from a flying five star hotel. Room service is available one hour after liftoff and prior to landing." The Hotelicopter is due to fly maiden journey this summer(June 26th) with an undisclosed price...

There is three fly tour.

Inaugural Summer Tour - 14 days (Friday, June 26th, 2009 - Friday, July 10th, 2009)

California Tour - 14 days (Friday, July 17th, 2009 to Friday, July 24rd, 2009)

Bay/Jamaica, European Tour - 16 days (Friday, July 31st, 2009 to Sunday, August 16th, 2009)

Dimensions Length: 42 m (137 ft)
Height: 28m (91 ft)
Maximum Takeoff Weight: 105850 kg (232,870 lb)
Maximum speed: 255 km/h (137 kt) (158 miles/h)
Cruising speed: 237 km/h (127 kt) (147 miles/h)
Original Mi Range: 515 km (320 mi)
Augmented Mi Range - 1,296 km (700 mi)

(BTW This is a Hoax hehe)

Filed under Jokes

Media

News is what somebody somewhere wants to suppress; all the rest is advertising.
(Lord Northcliffe)

You can fool all of the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.
(Joseph E. Levine)

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers.
(Daniel J. Boorstin)

There's no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary.
(Brendan Behan)

In the future everybody will be world famous for fifteen minutes.
(Andy Warhol)

Small earthquake in Chile. Not many dead.
(Claud Cockburn, winning entry for a dullest headline competition at the Times)

Filed under Quotes

Pope Condoms

Filed under Fun Pics

Drunken Words

Filed under Fun Pics

Incest Repellent

Filed under Fun Pics

Cow Tipping

Filed under Fun Pics

Thursday Advertising - Tran.Pons

Filed under Advertising

Did You Know....? - Bottoms Up

When advertising men for Pepsi-Cola had their slogan "Come alive with Pepsi" translated into Mandarin Chinese, it came over as "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave".

Filed under Did You Know..... (Fun Trivia)

Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Jhaagdu-Maagdu

Origin: Indian Slang

Definition: gaudy

Example: That’s a very jhaagdu-maagdu outfit!

Filed under Sneak's Slip N Slang

Quasi's Movie Pick for April - Transporter 3 (Blue Ray)

Frank Martin puts the driving gloves on to deliver Valentina, the kidnapped daughter of a Ukranian government official, from Marseilles to Odessa on the Black Sea. En route, he has to contend with thugs who want to intercept Valentina’s safe delivery and not let his personal feelings get in the way of his dangerous objective.

Transporter 3 2008 720p BD5 x264-BDFLiX

INFO :http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1129442/

Download :

http://netload.in/dateie0X8sJOyzK/Transporter.3.2008.720p.BD5.x264-BDFLiX.part11.rar.htm
http://netload.in/dateiXqFC51TMQK/Transporter.3.2008.720p.BD5.x264-BDFLiX.part10.rar.htm
http://netload.in/dateii38BS3FU6c/Transporter.3.2008.720p.BD5.x264-BDFLiX.part09.rar.htm
http://netload.in/datein7JkZQQvgi/Transporter.3.2008.720p.BD5.x264-BDFLiX.part08.rar.htm
http://netload.in/dateiM44FCCtHwE/Transporter.3.2008.720p.BD5.x264-BDFLiX.part07.rar.htm
http://netload.in/datei03hyZujEk8/Transporter.3.2008.720p.BD5.x264-BDFLiX.part06.rar.htm
http://netload.in/dateiQ1olDj2HG7/Transporter.3.2008.720p.BD5.x264-BDFLiX.part05.rar.htm
http://netload.in/dateiTYUXHQEwad/Transporter.3.2008.720p.BD5.x264-BDFLiX.part04.rar.htm
http://netload.in/dateirfyOwh62G9/Transporter.3.2008.720p.BD5.x264-BDFLiX.part03.rar.htm
http://netload.in/dateigjd426nOZn/Transporter.3.2008.720p.BD5.x264-BDFLiX.part01.rar.htm
http://netload.in/dateiuFg5iEERnb/Transporter.3.2008.720p.BD5.x264-BDFLiX.part02.rar.htm

OR

http://vip-file.com/download/3a79a5565251/transporter.3.720p.bd5.x264-bdflix.mkv.html

OR

http://sms4file.com/downloadvip/3a79a5565251/transporter.3.720p.bd5.x264-bdflix.mkv.html

Pass : irfree.com

Filed under Downloads

Head in the Freezer

Filed under Fun Pics

Hundreds of Pics - One Retard(ed) Pose

Filed under Fun Pics, Fun Vids

Students Report Cards

These are actual comments made on students' report cards by teachers in the New York City public school system.

1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.

4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

6. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. This child has been working with glue too much.

8. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.

9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.

10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000 others.

12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.

Filed under Lists

Worlds Funniest Police Chase

Filed under Fun Vids

No Data

Filed under Fun Pics

How to Fix the Recession

Filed under Fun Pics

The Perfect Shot

A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind direction and speed. The longer he takes, the more his partner fidgets.

Finally his exasperated partner says, "What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball."

The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Forget it, man," the partner says. "You’ll never hit her from here."

Filed under Jokes

Cyber Sex

Filed under Fun Pics

Planned Parenthood (Slightly NSFW)

Filed under Fun Pics, NSFW

Alcohol.... It Makes You Do Crazy Shit

Filed under Fun Pics

Gods Last Name

Filed under Fun Pics

The Dog Bowl

Filed under Fun Pics

Wednesday Demotivator

Filed under De-Motivators

Did You Know....? - Military Mayhem

The notorious French Revolution was actually initiated in a coffeehouse. On July 1789, Camille Desmoulins jumped onto a table at the Palais Royal café and motivated the mob to rebel against the French aristocracy.

Filed under Did You Know..... (Fun Trivia)

Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Walken

Origin: From Christopher Walken characters.

Definition: A disquietingly creepy person or situation.

Example: There's Franco over by the bar. Man, that guy can sure walkenize a room.

Filed under Sneak's Slip N Slang

7 Question Test

1. A lady read a book, turned the light out and went to sleep. In the morning, when she saw in the newspaper that a ship had sunk drowning all on board, she committed suicide. Why?

2. A young man entered a bar and asked for a glass of water. The person behind the bar produced a gun and pointed it at the man. He replied, "Thank you," and walked off. Why?

3. Imagine you are driving a Mercedes at 100 mph. The steering locks. The doors lock. The brakes fail. You can't get out! You're heading for a 1,000 foot cliff! What do you do?

4. 2 + 2 + 5 = 247. Add one small line to make the sum correct.

5. Luke had it before. Paul had it behind. Ladies have it at the beginning, but only once. Abraham Lincoln had it twice. Boys cannot have it at all. Doctor Lowell had it before and behind. He actually had it twice as bad behind as he had it in front. What is it?

6. A man once broke all of the Ten Commandments. He lied, stole (the value of the article is irrelevant), lusted—which the Bible says is "to commit adultery in his heart," failed to love God above all else, failed to honor his parents, as well as to keep the Sabbath holy. He hated (which God sees as murder), failed to honor God's name, and he also "coveted," which means to want other people's things. How could God, who is perfect and holy (and therefore by His very nature must punish transgression of His Law), forgive him freely, and yet justice still be done? How can the man avoid Hell and go to Heaven?

7. A man on horseback went on a two day trip. He left on Tuesday and arrived home on Tuesday. How could this be?

Answers:

1. She was a lighthouse keeper.

2. He had the hiccups.

3. You stop "imagining."

4. Put a line on the first "+," from the top left, making it into a "4."
2 4 2 + 5 = 247

5. It is the letter "L."

6. The only way the man could avoid being found guilty on Judgment Day when all humanity gives "an account of every idle word," is to repent (turn from his sins) and put his faith in Jesus Christ. He will not do this if he doesn't see his danger. If he is deceived into thinking that God doesn't see his thought-life, or that God won't punish sin (meaning He has less sense of justice than humanity), then he will carry on in his sins. More than likely this will happen because he is ignorant of the fact that the Bible says the only way to enter Heaven is to have "clean hands and a pure heart." But if he is honest and listens to his conscience, he will see he has broken the Commandments, and when all the evidence comes out on Judgment Day, he will be found guilty and end up in Hell. He needs God's mercy. When Jesus died on the cross, He took the punishment for our sins, satisfying eternal justice and at the same time demonstrating God's incredible love for sinful humanity.
The moment the man repents and puts his faith in the Savior, God will forgive his sins and give him the gift of everlasting life. He then should read the Bible daily and obey what he reads, showing himself to be genuine in his faith. (He could also write to us for a free Gospel of John).

7. The name of the horse was "Tuesday."

Filed under Quiz

Beer

Jack Handy.
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink beer, they may be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "Is it better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver?"

William Butler Yeats.
The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.

Henny Youngman,
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. Stephen Wright.
24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

Dave Barry.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

Dean Martin.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Anonymous.
Beer: because one doesn't solve the world's problems over white wine.

Filed under Quotes

Make Sentences

Filed under Fun Pics

Suprise

Filed under Fun Pics

Who are You Chatting To?

Filed under Fun Pics

Can I Come Wiv U?

Filed under Fun Pics

Tuesday Signs of the Times

Filed under Signs

Did You Know....? - Winged Wonders

An ostrich's eye is bigger that it's brain.

Filed under Did You Know..... (Fun Trivia)