There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money,and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me",

so, he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket; his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then, the undertakers locked the casket down, and rolled it away.

So, her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband".

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I am a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him".

You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?

I sure did", said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it".

Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with.

Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. I'm just an ordinary man", he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars".

The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother.

"Cash, check, or charge?" I asked, after folding the items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

No", she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him.

Understanding Women (A Man's Perspective)
I know I am not going to understand women.

I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

Wife vs Husband
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep", the wife replied, "in-laws".

Words
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...

30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men".

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

Stupid and Beautiful
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time".

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

The Beast
Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was losing his temper.

Be careful", he said to his wife. "You will bring outthe beast in me".

"So what?" his wife shot back. "Who's afraid of a mouse?"

Coffee
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee".

The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee".

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee".

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me".

So, she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..."HEBREWS".

A young couple on their wedding night were in their honeymoon suite.

As they were undressing for bed, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride.

He said, "Here, put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can't wear your trousers." she said.
"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps.
"Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!"
She replied, "That's right...and that's the way it is going to stay until your attitude changes."

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one.

Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

God works in Mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt.

This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".

Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this must be a sign from God!" The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break.

Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police.... "

MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are clever, evil bitches. Don't mess with us.