Spooge's Spit Up - The Facts about Chuck Norris

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing the Earth down.
When Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norrised.
When the Bogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris invented every colour. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Chuck Norris's hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Chuck Norris's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; No-one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pyjamas.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1993 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris divides by zero.
When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.
Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now".
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalised, Chuck spear-tackled the devil and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a friend that the expression "Shitting bricks" wasn't just a figure of speech.
The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake