Spooge's Spit Up - Rugby

Dan the Man

Three Australians were in a bar and spotted a New Zealander.

So, one of the Australians walked over to the New Zealander, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your Daniel Carter is a faggot."

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that.

Puzzled, the Australian walked back to his buddies. "I told him Daniel Carter is a faggot, and he didn't care."

The second Australian remarked, "You just don't know how to set him off...watch and learn."

So, the second Australian walked over to the New Zealander, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your Daniel Carter is a transvestite faggot!"

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Shocked beyond belief, the Australian went back to his buddies. You're right. He's unshakable!"

The third Australian remarked, "Boys, I'll really tick him off... just watch."

So the third Australian walked over to the New Zealander, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear Daniel Carter is an Australian!"

"Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me."

Wiremu, a New Zealander, was in France getting ready to watch the upcoming Rugby World
Cup and was not feeling well, so he decided to see a doctor.

"Hey doc, I dun't feel so good, eh" said Wiremu.

The doctor gave him a thorough examination and informed Wiremu that he had long existing and advanced prostate and testicular problems and that the only cure was testicular removal.

"No way doc" replied Wiremu "I'm gitting a second opinion, eh!"

The second French doctor gave Wiremu the same diagnosis and also advised him that testicular removal was the only cure.

Not surprisingly, Wiremu refused the treatment.

Wiremu was devastated, but with the Rugby World Cup just around the corner he found an xpat Kiwi doctor and decided to get one last opinion from someone he could trust.

The Kiwi doctor examined him and said: "Wiremu Cuzzy Bro, you have prostate sickness, eh"

"What's the cure then doc?" asked Wiremu hoping for a different answer.

"Wull, Wiremu", said the Kiwi doctor "We're gonna have to cut off your balls."

"Phew, thank god for that!" said Wiremu, "those French bastards wanted to take my test tickets off me!"

A South African rugby fan, an Australian rugby fan and a New Zealand fan are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them.

The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced:

"It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The South African fan was first in line, he thought for a while and then said:

"Please tie a pillow to my back."

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.

When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Australian was next up.

After watching the South African in horror he said smugly:

"Please fix two pillows to my back."

But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Australian was soon led away whimpering loudly (as they do).

The New Zealander was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said:

"You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!".

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", The Kiwi replied.

"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave".

The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face.

"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?" the Sheikh asked.

"Tie the Aussie to my back."