Spooge's Spit Up - Corporate Lessons

Corporate Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up
her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps
herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the
door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she
says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands
her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in
the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the
bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the
husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes
me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a
position to prevent avoidable exposure.
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Corporate Lesson 2

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an
accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up
her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his
hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father,
remember Psalm 129?"

The priest apologized "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival
at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said,
"Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you
might miss a great opportunity.
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Corporate Lesson 3

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub
it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Poof! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless
supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."

Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after
lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
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Corporate Lesson 4

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit
asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested.

A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very high up.
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Corporate Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get
to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the
energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next
day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the
top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the
turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't
keep you there.