Spooge's Spit Up - Giant Farkin Crab

This sent shivers up my spine… apparently “Coconut Crabs” or “Robber Crabs” are of the crab breed “Fuckus Hugeous”.

The coconut crab is able to crack coconuts with it’s claws and eat the inside.

Knowing that these things are insanely huge AND have pincers that could crack your skull open, why wouldn’t you hold one up to your face, near your tender supple body:

I know I would. I’d probably get drunk, fool around with my friends, and stuff it up my pant leg and be like “Look guys… I have CRABS! HAHAHA” and everyone would think it was hilarious… including the ER staff that sedates me while the surgeon tries to re-attach my genatiles.

Oh, what’s that? You aren’t that impressed? How about if they can be sky-blue and scare the bejesus out of you as you walked through a forest?

I would totally pass out if I was walking through the forest and ran into one of these at eye-level near my head doing crab-things… I’d run screaming out of the jungle like a little girl.