Spooge's Spit Up - On Insults

I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.
Walter Matthau (to Barbra Streisand)

Elizabeth Taylor looks like two small boys fighting underneath a thick blanket.
Mr. Blackwell

She's like an apple turnover that got crushed in a grocery bag on a hot day.
Camille Paglia (about Drew Barrymore)

It's a new low for actresses when you have to wonder what's between her ears instead of her legs.
Katherine Hepburn (about Sharon Stone)

The closest thing to Roseanne Barr's singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered.
Johnny Carson