You Might Be A Scrooge If...

If your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is gin, vodka and bourbon
you just might be a Scrooge

If you turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carolers away
you just might be a Scrooge

If you buy all of your Christmas gifts at a store that also sells gas
you just might be a Scrooge

If your favorite version of "Babes in Toyland" stars Michael Jackson
you just might be a Scrooge

If you get your Christmas Tree at a rest stop at night
you just might be a Scrooge

If you give bathroom fixtures as Christmas gifts
you just might be a Scrooge

If your prized Christmas ornament is Santa Claus shooting the moon
you just might be a Scrooge

If your favorite Christmas movie is Jurassic Park
you just might be a Scrooge

If your idea of Christmas dinner is a six pack of beer and a cheese log
you just might be a Scrooge

If you think "Ho, Ho, Ho" is a line from a Rocky movie
you just might be a Scrooge

If your best Christmas tradition involves a fire and reindeer meat
you just might be a Scrooge

If your favorite version of "Silent Night" is sung by OJ Simpson
you just might be a Scrooge

If your favorite past time is putting defective bulbs in your neighbors' string of Christmas lights or defacing Christmas lawn caricatures with egg nog
you just might be a Scrooge

And, finally - if your only holiday decoration is a rotting pumpkin
you just might be a Scrooge