Quasi's Fun Vids - Funny Cats
Spooge's Spit Up - E-mails
Please note...
I will no longer be sending e-mails.
Thanks to the Post Office, I am going back to licking stamps......
I will no longer be sending e-mails.
Thanks to the Post Office, I am going back to licking stamps......
Spooge's Spit Up - Words of Wisdom
"I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Know thyself."
Linnaeus
"The two most abundant things in the universe are Hydrogren and stupidity."
Harlan Ellison
"Question everything. Learn something. Answer nothing."
Engineer's Motto
"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."
Dorothy Parker
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know - Quirky Customs
The men of the Mandan tribe of North American Indians had to go through the most painful initiation ceremonies before they could count themselves as real men.
First they had to fast for four days - they weren't even allowed to drink. Then, using a selection of serrated knives, the chief medicine man carved slices of flesh from their chests before thrusting wooden skewers into the gaping wounds. Leather thongs were attached to the skewers and the men were hoisted from the floor by thongs. Heavy weights attached to the legs and the men were spun round and round in circles.
If they survived all of this, they were given a hatchet with which they had to hack off the little finger of their left hand.
The Tribe was wiped out by illness in the 1840's.
Sneak's Slip 'N Slang - Kablingy
Origin: Simpsons Slang
Description: Money, usually a lot (see The Simpsons)
Example: What are you going to do with all that kablingy?
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? What a Coincidence
The Allied preparations for D-Day in 1944 were nearly wrecked by the Daily Telegraph crossword. The code name for D-Day was "Operation Overlord" and each stage had its individual code name.
Neptune was the naval initiative, Omaha and Utah were the code names for two French beached where landings were to take place, and Mulberry was the secret name for the artificial harbours to be used for supplies.
Just over a month before the planned invasion date, these answers began to appear as answers in the Telegraph crossword puzzle. Security forces descended on the Telegraph office expecting to find a German spy.
Instead they found bewildered school teacher Leonard Dawe, the man who had compiled the papers crosswords for 20 years. The fact that the answers to five of his clues had matched the carefully guarded code names had been a pure coincidence.
Sneak's Slip 'N Slang - Slag Tag
Origin: English version of the American term "tramp stamp"
Definition: defining a tattoo at the base of a womans spine that symbolises that the owner is an easy lay.
Example: Look that bird (woman) has a Slag Tag. I reckon shes a right goer (easy lay)
Spooge's Spit Up - Double Meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.Female: Any part under a car's hood.Male: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adFemale: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.Male: Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.Male: Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.Female: A desire to get married and raise a familyMale: Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.Male: Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.Female: An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.Male: A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.Male: Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.Male: A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - America's Loony Laws
An optimistic law in Washington state reads: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town."
Sneak's Slip 'N Slang - Skanktopotamus
Origin: American Slang
Definition: A fat hooker.
Example: Look at the hooker on the corner--that's one very big skanktopotomus.
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - For Better or For Worse
A bride to be in Crete suffered a nervous breakdown on the night before her wedding after discovering the groom, wearing her wedding dress, locked in a passionate embrace with the best man. Not suprisingly, the wedding was cancelled.
Sneak's Slip 'N Slang - Fok Jou
Origin: Afrikaans Slang
Definition: Fuck you note This is a literal translation from English. The common word for ' to fuck' in Afrikaans is 'naai' or 'pomp'.
Example: "Fok Jou - You can't tell me what to do!"
Spooge's Spit Up - Amazing Insults
He's so fat, he has the only car in town with stretch marks.He's so short he can sit on a piece of toilet paper and dangle his feet.
He's the first in his family born without a tail.
What color is the sky in your world?
What he lacks in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.
When God was throwing intelligence down to the Earth, you were holding an umbrella.
When I look into your eyes, I see the back of your head.
You're so ugly your husband takes you with him everywhere he goes so he doesn't have to kiss you bye.
Instead of being born again, why don't you just grow up?
Spooge's Spit Up - Alternative Names For Cubicles
14. Soul-Sucking Pod o' Death
13. Tomb of the Unknown Bureaucrat
12. Slack-In-The-Box
11. Headquarters, Jodie Foster Fan Club
10. Peon Palazzo
9. Yuppie Terrarium
8. The SnackFooda Triangle
7. English Majors Entry Point
6. Luxury Manhattan Apartment
5. Picasso's Folly
4. International Porn Downloading Headquarters
3. Fortress of Servitude
2. Casa de Livin' La Vida Veal
1. Wraparound Turbo Demoralizer 2000
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - That's Life
On average you spend two weeks of your entire life waiting for traffic lights to change
Sneak's Slip 'N Slang - Itchy Eye
Origin: American Slang
Definition: another term for hemorroids referring to one of the symptoms. That symptom
being the itching sensation of the sphincter.
Example: "Whats wrong with you? Have you got ants in your pants?" "Nope - Itchy Eye"
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - Made in Britain
In 1859 Britain and the United States almost went to war over a pig. The pig, owned by an Englishman living on an island near Vancouver, was shot after straying on to an american neighbours potato patch. Troops from both nations moved on to the island and remained on alert for the next 13 years while diplomats negotiated a peaceful outcome.
Sneak's Slip 'N Slang - UPI
Origin: Party Slang
Definition: Unidentified Party Injury.when you wake up the next morning after partying only to find a bruise or cut to which you cannot remember the origin.
Example: "Oh my God, where did you get that Bruise?" "Dont know, must be a UPI"
Spooge's Spit Up - Lines for Lovin The Ladies
(Click Picture to Enlarge and Read) - My feet are getting cold, cause you knocked my socks off
- I need someone really bad, are you really bad?
- If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
- Do you believe in love at first sight?
- If not I will walk past again
- Hi, I make more money than you can spend.
- Can I get some fries to go with that shake?
- That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed
- Beauty is only a light switch away
- Let only Latex stand in the way of our love
- I Hope you know CPR cause you take my breath away
- You look like my next girlfriend
- I lost my phone number, can I have yours?
- Lie down, I think I love you.
- Hi my name is Chance, do I have one?
- I am an organ doner, need anything?
- Can I see your tan lines?
- Pardon me but are you a screamer or a moaner?
- If I were you, I'd do me
- If you were a booger, I'd pick you first
- Is that dress felt? Would you like it to be?
- Can I borrow your library card? cause I want to check you out
- Nice pants, can I test the Zipper?
- Can you count? Then you better count on spending the night
- Hi I'm Mr Right, someone said you were looking for me?
- Nice dress, can I talk you out of it?
- Oh! Sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.
- I think I could fall madly in bed with you
- I'd look good on youWere you arrested earlier? It's got to be illegal looking that good
- Should I call you in the morning or just nudge you?
- Your place or mine?
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - Blame It On The Weather Man
A politically incorrect California weather reporter was sacked recently for refusing to re-word "a chance of rain" to "probability of sunshine" and "partly cloudy" to "Largely Sunny"!!!
Sneak's Slip 'N Slang - E-Bitch
Origin: Internet Slang
Definition: To send a complaint to a company's web site, via the contact us button.Not important enough to generate actual paper mail--that would require substantial effort: envelope, stamps, post office, etc.
Example: The product delivered was inferior to what was advertised, so I e-bitched to their web site.
Spooge's Spit Up - Office Inspirational Posters
TOP 25 SAYINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE ON THOSE OFFICE INSPIRATIONAL POSTERS
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
We put the "k" in "kwality."
If something doesn't feel right, you're not feeling the right thing.
Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat.
If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.
Plagiarism saves time.
If at first you don't succeed, try management.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
We waste time, so you don't have to.
Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
Succeed in spite of management.
Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
We waste more time by 8:00 in the morning than other companies do all day.
You pretend to work, and we'll pretend to pay you.
Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.
Spooge's Spit Up - Quotes of Note
"Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats."
Howard Aiken
"Life is moderately good play with a badly written third act."
Truman Capote
"He who stops being better stops being good."
Oliver Cromwell
"Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone."
Rodney Dangerfield
"Crime is the soul of lust. What would pleasure be if it were not accompanied by crime? It is not the object of debauchery that excites us, rather the idea of evil."
Marquis de Sade
"Good management is the art of making problems so interesting and their solutions so constructive that everyone wants to get to work and deal with them."
Paul Hawken
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - Quirky Customs
In Fiji and New Guinea, it used to be the custom for widows to be strangled or buried alive with their recently-deceased husbands. The idea was that they could then join their spouses in the next life.
Sneak's Slip 'N Slang - Galloping Knob Rot
Origin: English Slang
Definition: Severe uncontrolled venereal disease
Example: Yuck, stay away from that guy, he has Galloping Knob Rot!
Spooge's Spit Up - Women Watch Out!!!
You may have read recently about the person whose kidneys were stolen from him while he was passed out. Well, read on.
Something like this happened to me and countless other women. My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs. The new ones were the texture of lumpy porridge. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years? Whose thighs were these and what had happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and those tights that pull everything in.
Then, just when my guard was down the thieves struck again. My butt was next! I knew it was the same gang, because they took great pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they had lumbered me with earlier. I couldn't believe it, my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original. Now, my backside complemented my thighs lump for lump. Frantically I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.
Last year I realised my arms had been switched. One morning I was brushing my hair when I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was getting really scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time. How clever and fiendish. I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair I have given up short sleeved t-shirts.
Last month my neck disappeared faster than the Christmas turkey, which it now resembled. I can't take on the medical profession by myself.
WOMEN OF THE WORLD WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE!
That really isn't plastic those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts, don't you? The next time you suspect someone has had a face 'lifted' look again. Was it 'lifted' from you?
I think I finally found my thighs and I hope Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!!
THIS IS NOT A HOAX. THIS IS HAPPENING TO WOMEN IN YOUR TOWN EVERY NIGHT. WARN YOUR FRIENDS!
P.S. How paranoid am I? Last night I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bedI was relieved to find that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I am keeping them safely tucked into my waistband!
Spooge's Spit Up - Easily Distracted
A young couple was out carousing one evening. While driving down the highway the guy asked the girl, "If I go 100 miles an hour, will you take off your clothes?" She agreed to and he began to speed up.
When the speedometer hit 100, she started to strip. When she got all her clothes off, he was so busy staring at her that he drove off the road and flipped the car.
The girl was thrown clear without a scratch, but her clothes and her boyfriend were still trapped in the car.
"Go get help," he pleaded. She replied, "I can't, I'm naked." He pointed to his shoe that was thrown clear and said, "Cover your privates with that and go get help."
She grabbed the shoe, covered herself, and ran to the gas station down the road.
When she arrived, she was frantic and yelled to the attendant,
"HELP! HELP! My boyfriend's stuck!" The attendant looked down at the shoe covering her crotch and replied, "I'm sorry, Miss. He's too far in."
Spooge's Spit Up - The Best Illusion Ever
"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honours the servant and has forgotten the gift."
A. Einstein This has to be the best illusion ever created.
If you look at the above images from your seat in front of the computer, Mr. Angry is on the left, and Ms.Calm is on the right.
Get up from your seat, and move back 12 feet, and PRESTO!! they switch places!!
It is said this illusion was created by Phillippe G.Schyns and Aude Oliva of the University of Glasgow.
Does this prove that we sometimes may not be seeing what's actually there?
Spooge's Spit Up - Oh, Canada
Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 winter Olympics,the following are some questions people the world over are asking. These questions (and answers) about Canada were actually posted on an international Tourism Website.
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What, did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North... oh forget it. Sure the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget it's name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare it by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - The World About Us
It is estimated that millions of trees in the world are accidentally planted by squirrels who bury nuts and then forget where they hid them.
Sneak's Slip 'N Slang - Whitner
Origin: Irish Slang
Definition: meaning he got sick from smoking to much hash
Example: as in "he smoked so many joints he had a whitner"
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - Unhappy Endings
Attila the Hun had a dozen wives but the last proved one too many. For he burst an artery and died while enjoying rampant sex with her on their wedding night! - What a way to go!!!
Sneak's Slip 'N Slang - Sparrows Fart
Origin: Kiwi Slang
Definition: very early in the morning - the crack of dawn.
Example: I am so tired, I had to get up at Sparrows Fart this morning.
Spooge's Spit Up - Hillbilly Medical Terms
Benign..........................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria........................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium.........................What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section..........A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan........................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize......................Made eye contact with her.
Colic............................A sheep dog.
Coma...........................A punctuation mark.
D&C............................Where Washington is.
Dilate...........................To live long.
Enema..........................Not a friend.
Fester...........................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula...........................A small lie.
G.I.Series....................World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail......................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent......................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain...................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff................A Doctor's cane.
Morbid........................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates.......................Cheaper than day rates.
Node...........................I knew it.
Outpatient...................A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear...................A fatherhood test.
Pelvis...........................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative.............A letter carrier.
Recovery Room...........Place to do upholstery.
Rectum.......................Damn near killed him.
Secretion.....................Hiding something
Seizure........................Roman emperor.
Tablet.........................A small table.
Terminal Illness...........Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor..........................More than one.
Urine..........................Opposite of mine.
Varicose......................Near by/close by
Spooge's Spit Up - Cheap Shots About Men & Women
"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often."
Oliver Herford
"Once a woman has given you her heart you can never get rid of the rest of her body."
John Vanbrugh
"The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is."
Helen Rowland
"Women's intuition is the result of millions of years of not thinking."
Rupert Hughes
"Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman."
Maryon Pearson
"Outside every thin girl is a fat man, trying to get in."
Katharine Whitehorn
"Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses."
Elizabeth Taylor
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - Poptastic
Charles Manson auditioned unsuccessfully for the Monkees.
Sneak's Slip 'N Slang - MAC-Thing
Origin: Geek Speak
Definition: The word that a PC Wintel-using HTML programming geek uses to try and disguise his sloppy non-cross-platform programming skills. Usually said with an air of indignance.
Example: Um, well, no - that table won't look right to you - it's a Mac-thing. Now, if you look at it on my PC...
Spooge's Spit Up - Cats & Dogs
What is a Cat?
1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.
CONCLUSION:They're tiny women in little fur coats.
What is a Dog?
1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.
CONCLUSION:They're tiny men in little fur coats.
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - Toy Stories
When two women in south London feared their teddy bear was possessed by an evil spirit, a clergyman was called in to exorcise the demon.
Sneak's Slip 'N Slang - J-Lo
Origin: American Slang
Definition: Butt.
Example: I've got a huge J-Lo from eating all of these doughnuts.
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