Filming done by Martin Marshall and Chelfyn, hot, pouty poses done by Ms Behaviour and The Mistress.
To view and download full set follow the link to the g33k show blog.
Filming done by Martin Marshall, fancy edity type stuff done by Chelfyn, hot, pouty poses done by Ms Behaviour and The Mistress.
To view and download full set follow the link to lushness.
Mistress
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.
The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks:
"Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"
The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother."
The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks:
"Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."
"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"
"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"
The word "Dunce" is taken from the name of a brilliant scholar. Dun Scotus - named after his birthplace of Duns in Scotland - challenged the Church's ideas in the 13th century. But his innovative thoughts were rejected by other scholars after his death. The condemned his teaching as stupid, thus changing the meaning of "dunce"
Origin: Unknown
Definition: quierdo: Freakishly strange person.
Example: Chris stuck a banana up his nose--trying to be a queerdo, I guess.
Definition: quierdo: Freakishly strange person.
Example: Chris stuck a banana up his nose--trying to be a queerdo, I guess.
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00..
With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.
If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer/wine one year ago, drank all the beer/wine, then turned in the cans/bottles for the aluminium recycling REFUND, you would now have $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. Let people you care about know this and tell them to start now!
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00..
With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.
If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer/wine one year ago, drank all the beer/wine, then turned in the cans/bottles for the aluminium recycling REFUND, you would now have $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. Let people you care about know this and tell them to start now!
TOP 25 SAYINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE ON THOSE OFFICE INSPIRATIONAL POSTERS
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
We put the "k" in "kwality."
If something doesn't feel right, you're not feeling the right thing.
Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat.
If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.
Plagiarism saves time.
If at first you don't succeed, try management.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
We waste time, so you don't have to.
Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
Succeed in spite of management.
Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
We waste more time by 8:00 in the morning than other companies do all day.
You pretend to work, and we'll pretend to pay you.
Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
We put the "k" in "kwality."
If something doesn't feel right, you're not feeling the right thing.
Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat.
If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.
Plagiarism saves time.
If at first you don't succeed, try management.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
We waste time, so you don't have to.
Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
Succeed in spite of management.
Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
We waste more time by 8:00 in the morning than other companies do all day.
You pretend to work, and we'll pretend to pay you.
Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.
"This is no longer a slum neighborhood. I haven't heard of a Cubs fan being shot in a long time."
Anonymous Wrigley Field Neighbor, Chicago, IL
"During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails."
AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian
"Two grand slams in a week - man, that's seven or eight ribbies right there."
Bill Madlock, Baseball broadcaster
"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
Bill Peterson, football coach
"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
Britney Spears, Pop Singer
Anonymous Wrigley Field Neighbor, Chicago, IL
"During the scrimmage, Tarkanian paced the sideline with his hands in his pockets while biting his nails."
AP report describing Fresno State basketball coach Jerry Tarkanian
"Two grand slams in a week - man, that's seven or eight ribbies right there."
Bill Madlock, Baseball broadcaster
"You guys line up alphabetically by height."
Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl."
Bill Peterson, football coach
"The internet is a great way to get on the net."
Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate
"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."
Britney Spears, Pop Singer
It would cost over $5 billion to programme and sell a computer which could do all the things a human brain does.
The Human brain continues to send out electrical wave signals for up to 37 hours after death
We only use 10% of our brains
There are more signal connections in the human brain than there would be in a telephone exchange connecting everyone in the world
The average brain comprises a mere 2% of a persons total body weight, yet it requires 25% of all the oxygen used by the body
The Neanderthals brain was bigger than yours is.
Your brain is more active while you're sleeping than it is while you're watching TV
The Human brain continues to send out electrical wave signals for up to 37 hours after death
We only use 10% of our brains
There are more signal connections in the human brain than there would be in a telephone exchange connecting everyone in the world
The average brain comprises a mere 2% of a persons total body weight, yet it requires 25% of all the oxygen used by the body
The Neanderthals brain was bigger than yours is.
Your brain is more active while you're sleeping than it is while you're watching TV
Origin: Abba Slang
Definition: The tendency for an unbearably cloying song to repeat over and over in your head all day after hearing it on the radio.
Example: More Than a Woman has been playing abbamatically in my head since breakfast.
Definition: The tendency for an unbearably cloying song to repeat over and over in your head all day after hearing it on the radio.
Example: More Than a Woman has been playing abbamatically in my head since breakfast.
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He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and 'Jeopardy' comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like 'Second Tall Man.'
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and 'Jeopardy' comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access T:flw.quid55328.com\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like 'Second Tall Man.'
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon
TOUGH TO ARGUE WITH THIS ONE
Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'
The Chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your opinion where did the white man go wrong?'
The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. 'When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine men free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.'
Then the chief leaned back and smiled. 'Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.'
Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.'
The Chief nodded in agreement.
The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your opinion where did the white man go wrong?'
The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. 'When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water. Women did all the work, Medicine men free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.'
Then the chief leaned back and smiled. 'Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.'
In 1626, English philosopher Francis Bacon conducted one of the earliest experiments into frozen food. He stuffed a chicken with snow that he could observe whether the cold helped to preserve the bird's flesh. Alas, he caught a fatal chill from handling so much snow!
Origin: Taken from the wonderous book _The Silver Chair_.
Definition: Used when a very drunk person has said something improperly.
Example: I drunk I'm think. Ha! Respectabiggle-marshwiggle!
Definition: Used when a very drunk person has said something improperly.
Example: I drunk I'm think. Ha! Respectabiggle-marshwiggle!
Words in Motion, Movement that Speaks.
This is the first all female Hip Hop tour group.
These 9 ladies are doing a production of Hip Hop dance, music and performance around New Zealand.
The Auckland show is at Zen on Albert St on the 18th of October 2008.
Tickets on the door are $20 and the first 100 ticket holders through the door get a free Bella Qween mixtape and custom cocktail at the bar.
You can also come as a VIP. Tickets are $100 and this gives you access to the VIP area and Alize Drinks all night.
Email bgirlsheeq@hotmail.com to purchase VIP tickets.
For more info and tour dates follow the link.
January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in printer !!!
March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said '2-4 years!'
April
Trapped on escalator for hours ..... power went out!!!
May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June
Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition..... learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open.
September
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???
October
Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December
Couldn't call 911 ..... 'duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helllloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in printer !!!
March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said '2-4 years!'
April
Trapped on escalator for hours ..... power went out!!!
May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June
Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition..... learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open.
September
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???
October
Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December
Couldn't call 911 ..... 'duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
Douglas Adams
You don't have to fool all the people all of the time; you just have to fool enough to get elected.
Gerald Barzan
The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.
Josh Billings
A fool always finds a greater fool to admire him.
Nicholas Boileau
Get the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.
Frank Dane
A man who cannot reason is a fool, a man who will not reason is a bigot, and a man who dare not reason is a slave.
William Drummond
Douglas Adams
You don't have to fool all the people all of the time; you just have to fool enough to get elected.
Gerald Barzan
The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.
Josh Billings
A fool always finds a greater fool to admire him.
Nicholas Boileau
Get the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.
Frank Dane
A man who cannot reason is a fool, a man who will not reason is a bigot, and a man who dare not reason is a slave.
William Drummond
Dozens of live frogs fell on Leichester, massachusetts, in September 1953. Many were found in gutters and on roofs - proof that they had plunged from the sky.
Origin: Paramedic term
Definition: Just Another Fucking Observer. Term for all those student ride-alongs who just want to watch.
Example: Tom and Kurt couldn't figure out why the new JAFO kept showing up for *their* shift.
Definition: Just Another Fucking Observer. Term for all those student ride-alongs who just want to watch.
Example: Tom and Kurt couldn't figure out why the new JAFO kept showing up for *their* shift.
The punishment for men who committed adultery in ancient Greece was to have a root vegetable inserted where the sun doesn't shine!
Origin: Unknown
Definition: Hand sweat
Example: I've got serious Palm-Salsa going on here from my mouse
Definition: Hand sweat
Example: I've got serious Palm-Salsa going on here from my mouse
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'
'Eight,' the boy replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
The boy replied, 'Not exactly Sir, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one.'
The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'
'Eight,' the boy replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
The boy replied, 'Not exactly Sir, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one.'
It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married couples is a doggie position.
The husband sits up and begs.
The wife rolls over and plays dead.
The grapple tree of South Africa produces a fearsome fruit called the "Devil's Claw". The fruit is covered in lethal hooks which latch on to passing animals. As the animal tries to shake the fruit off, the hooks embed themselves deeper in the flesh. If the animal touches the fruit with its mouth, the fruit will attach itself to the animals jaw, inflicting enormous pain and preventing it from eating. Whilst antelope are the usual victims, lions have also starved to death as a result of an encounter with the Devil's Claw!
Origin: Spanish Slang
Definition: Used to point out a pair of nice legs without the owner of the legs knowing.
Abbreviation of a bad Spanish translation for Damn, nice legs.
Example: Don't look now, but there's some calp behind you.
Definition: Used to point out a pair of nice legs without the owner of the legs knowing.
Abbreviation of a bad Spanish translation for Damn, nice legs.
Example: Don't look now, but there's some calp behind you.
G33k news from bananas to hackers, jetpacks to dome homes. Richard Stallman explains the 4 principles of free software.
Friday's 8:30pm on Alt TV
Chuck Noris Facts
This is THE best Chuck Norris Site eva - All hail the Chuck! We spent hours laughing our asses off at this last night lol
This is THE best Chuck Norris Site eva - All hail the Chuck! We spent hours laughing our asses off at this last night lol
TOP 25 COUNTRY SONGS 25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye.
24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Were Pure.
23. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling.
21. I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We're Even.
20. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You.
19. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.
18. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.
17. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.
16. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.
15. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
14. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back and Cryin' Over You.
13. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.
12. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now.
11. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head).
10. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You.
9. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him.
8. Please Bypass This Heart.
7. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger.
6. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat.
5. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.
4. If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.
3. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles.
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer.
And the Number 1 Country and Western song of all Time is...
1. I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women But I've Sure Woke Up
24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Were Pure.
23. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling.
21. I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We're Even.
20. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You.
19. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.
18. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.
17. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.
16. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.
15. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
14. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back and Cryin' Over You.
13. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.
12. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now.
11. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head).
10. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You.
9. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him.
8. Please Bypass This Heart.
7. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger.
6. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat.
5. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.
4. If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.
3. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles.
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer.
And the Number 1 Country and Western song of all Time is...
1. I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women But I've Sure Woke Up
A gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch.
James A. Beard
I don't eat anything that a dog won't eat. Like sushi. Ever see a dog eat sushi? He just sniffs it and says, "I don't think so." And this is an animal that licks between its legs and sniffs fire hydrants.
Billiam Coronel
Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
Jim Davis (Garfield)
If the people have no bread, let them eat cake.
(attributed to) Marie Antoinette
I prefer Hostess fruit pies to pop-up toaster tarts because they don't require as much cooking.
Carrie Snow
James A. Beard
I don't eat anything that a dog won't eat. Like sushi. Ever see a dog eat sushi? He just sniffs it and says, "I don't think so." And this is an animal that licks between its legs and sniffs fire hydrants.
Billiam Coronel
Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
Jim Davis (Garfield)
If the people have no bread, let them eat cake.
(attributed to) Marie Antoinette
I prefer Hostess fruit pies to pop-up toaster tarts because they don't require as much cooking.
Carrie Snow
The term "Dutch Courage" dates fro the bubonic plague in the 17th century. To avoid contamination, the city of London was sealed off and therefore no food was getting in. The only people prepared to trade with London were the Dutch who used to sail up the Thames, leave food supplies on jetties and take the money which had been left there. Before landing on Britain's plague-infested shores, the sailor used to steel their nerves with liquor - hence Dutch courage. The Dutch were later rewarded with the freedom of the Thames - a concession the still hold to this day.
Origin: Pirate Slang
Definition: Pirate for yes.
Example: Britney Spears: Dave, your the coolest wanna go for lunch Me: YAR!
Definition: Pirate for yes.
Example: Britney Spears: Dave, your the coolest wanna go for lunch Me: YAR!
LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.
BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won 't work, it will!
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your
boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold
If touched, the aptly named sensitive plant of Brazil collapses in one-tenth of a second. This deters predators and, within ten minutes, once the danger has passed, the plant returns to its upright position!
Origin: Unknown
Definition: A man who is dating a woman considerably older then himself.
Example: Look at Demi, she's landed herself a tadpole.
Definition: A man who is dating a woman considerably older then himself.
Example: Look at Demi, she's landed herself a tadpole.
The Male moth mite is born as a mature insect. As his new-born sisters emerge from the mother's sexual cavity, he immediately grabs them with his hind legs and mates with them. While he is waiting for more unsuspecting sisters to be born, he drills a hole into the side of his mother's body and feeds on her juices
Definition: Someone who is sexually unattactive to both sexes.
Example: Pat, from SNL, is the perfect example of an uglet.
AT THE BEEP..."
Actual Answering Machine Messages Recorded and Verified By The World Famous International Institute of Answering Machine Messages:
10. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.
8. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling.... and I'll think about returning your call.
7. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
6. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of money.
5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.
4. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner.
3. Hi. Now YOU say something.
2. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
And the Number 1 Actual Answering Machine Message Recorded and Verified by The World Famous International Institute of Answering Machine Messages.
1. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back.
"Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guy's out dancing."
Buddy Hackett
Buddy Hackett
"Don't get mad. Don't get even. Just get elected, then get even."
James Carville
"Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got."
Janis Joplin
"Never attribute to malice what can adequately be explained by stupidity."
Nick Diamos
"Never believe in mirrors or newspapers."
Tom Stoppard
"Never drink black coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake all afternoon."
Jilly Cooper
"Never purchase beauty products in a hardware store."
Miss Piggy
The vast Inca empire which dominated South America 500 years ago was finally toppled by fewer than 200 men. Boasting an army of thousands, the Inca ruler Atahualpa lined up against Francisco Pizarro's tiny Spanish army of 180 men and 37 horses. But the Inca warriors were exhausted by years of civil war and when Atahualpa was captured, they fled in terror, unnerved by their first encounter with firearms and cavalry.
Origin: Unknown
Description: A phat ass.
Example: James: Mark, look at that badookadunk. Mark: You're right. She's got a nice ass.
Description: A phat ass.
Example: James: Mark, look at that badookadunk. Mark: You're right. She's got a nice ass.
Keen to be buried in style, the tenth Duke of Hamilton spent $11,000 on purchasing a genuine Ancient Egyptian coffin. Alas when he died in 1852, he was found to be too long for the coffin and so his legs had to be cut off before he would fit inside
Origin: Geek Speak
Definition: Someone having no knowledge pertaining to computers or the internet.
Example: Don't be an e-tard, just click on the file menu.
Definition: Someone having no knowledge pertaining to computers or the internet.
Example: Don't be an e-tard, just click on the file menu.
Here are some unusual facts that you can use to prove superiority to your friends.
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a bellybutton.
A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs.
People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.
When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop ...even your heart. This is why people have always said "God bless you" after a sneeze.
Only 7% of the population are lefties.
40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.
The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.
The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
The average housefly lives for one month.
40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year. Don't ask how.
A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.
The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and the parrot.
Among the music catalog's that Michael Jackson owns the rights to, is the South Carolina State anthem.
In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane just in case there is a crash.
The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.
Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth.
They are reused in vein transplant surgery.
Humphrey Bogart and Princess Diana were seventh cousins.
If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.
Personality can open doors, but only character can keep them open.
Elmer G. Letterman
Elmer G. Letterman
A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742 - 1799)
When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends.
Japanese Proverb
To succeed is nothing, it's an accident. but to feel no doubts about oneself is something very different: it is character.
Marie Leneru, Oprah Magazine, May 2004
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)
Angry at seeing her son Tony taking a battering in the boxing ring, Mrs. Minna Wilson climbed into the ring, took off one of her high-heeled shoes and began pummeling opponent Steve McCarthy around the head with it. The referee quickly intervened, but not before Mrs Wilson had inflicted considerably more damage than her son on the unfortunate McCarthy.
Bleeding from a head wound, which he claimed was the result of Mrs Wilson's soft-shoe shuffle, McCarthy refused to box on, only to be disqualified for failing to continue with the fight. To the amazement of the McCarthy camp, Wilson was declared the winner, but subsequently a re-match was ordered. And this time Mrs. Wilson was banned from attending.
Bleeding from a head wound, which he claimed was the result of Mrs Wilson's soft-shoe shuffle, McCarthy refused to box on, only to be disqualified for failing to continue with the fight. To the amazement of the McCarthy camp, Wilson was declared the winner, but subsequently a re-match was ordered. And this time Mrs. Wilson was banned from attending.
Origin: Geek Speak
Definition: Used in connection with electronical gadgets, gizmos, or other tools. Usually of little to no practical use.
Example: A watch with a TV remote and garage door opener and that tells the time in 20 different zones is only for a gadgemetronical fiend.
Definition: Used in connection with electronical gadgets, gizmos, or other tools. Usually of little to no practical use.
Example: A watch with a TV remote and garage door opener and that tells the time in 20 different zones is only for a gadgemetronical fiend.
The g33k Show - Friday @ 8pm
Submitted by MsBehaviour on 28 July 2008 - 5:28pm
* 8pm
* friday
* geek
* shows
The g33k show
Join Chelfyn, MsBehaviour & The Mistress from Mohawk Media, with pods on geek culture, snapshots of the future, and debate on emerging technologies. Friday at 8.00pm only on ALT TV.
Submitted by MsBehaviour on 28 July 2008 - 5:28pm
* 8pm
* friday
* geek
* shows
The g33k show
Join Chelfyn, MsBehaviour & The Mistress from Mohawk Media, with pods on geek culture, snapshots of the future, and debate on emerging technologies. Friday at 8.00pm only on ALT TV.
Council confident of catching...
THE PIDDLER
Time may soon be up for 'piddler on the roof' Napier City Council says its only a matter of time before the man police have dubbed "Piddler on the Roof" is caught.
The man is being sought for urinating into a Napier pay-and-display machine on the upper floor of a city parking building.
City council regulatory services manager Mike Webster said yesterday pictures captured by CCTV surveillance and circulated to media gave a "pretty good' image of the man who had sprayed the machine several times during the past six months.
"I think that with the footage we've got, someone will know who this individual is and we'd certainly like to have a talk to him about his bladder problem," he told Hawke's Bay Today.
There was a toilet nearby, which was free to the public, but the man did not seem to be interested, Mr Webster said.
Meanwhile a man claiming to be the piddler has been taunting police by calling radio station The Edge bragging about his exploits.
- NZPA
Fuck this is funny - He is a hero for everyone who has to pay for parking
Fuck this is funny - He is a hero for everyone who has to pay for parking
Unlike most skyscrapers, Chicago's Mercantile Exchange Building was built without an internal steel skeleton. Apparently it relies on the thickness of its walls to stay up.
Origin: Benny Hill Slang
Definition: Oh, damn, too bad, Joe! Benny Hill described golf in this manner, but it's becoming synonymous with any failed effort: dice games, target practice, etc.)
Example: All the other golfers, when Joe misses his putt, Odamtoobadjo!
Definition: Oh, damn, too bad, Joe! Benny Hill described golf in this manner, but it's becoming synonymous with any failed effort: dice games, target practice, etc.)
Example: All the other golfers, when Joe misses his putt, Odamtoobadjo!
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON(R), how do they make TEFLON(R) stick to the pan?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
I don't believe in reincarnation, but I did in my past life.
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON(R), how do they make TEFLON(R) stick to the pan?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
I don't believe in reincarnation, but I did in my past life.
He's so fat, he has the only car in town with stretch marks.
He's so short he can sit on a piece of toilet paper and dangle his feet.
He's the first in his family born without a tail.
What color is the sky in your world?
What he lacks in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.
When God was throwing intelligence down to the Earth, you were holding an umbrella.
When I look into your eyes, I see the back of your head.
You're so ugly your husband takes you with him everywhere he goes so he doesn't have to kiss you bye.
Instead of being born again, why don't you just grow up?
He's so short he can sit on a piece of toilet paper and dangle his feet.
He's the first in his family born without a tail.
What color is the sky in your world?
What he lacks in intelligence, he more than makes up for in stupidity.
When God was throwing intelligence down to the Earth, you were holding an umbrella.
When I look into your eyes, I see the back of your head.
You're so ugly your husband takes you with him everywhere he goes so he doesn't have to kiss you bye.
Instead of being born again, why don't you just grow up?
George Bernard Shaw lost his virginity to an elderly widow at the age of 29. He was so horrified by the experience that he steered clear of sex for the next 15 years.
Origin: Unknown
Definition: A relic from the 80's metal scene. Long hair, excessive tattoos and an uncanny ability to play air guitar are the identifying characteristics.
Example: I went to the concert and the place was full of kenneths. Synonyms: Zinik, Skurik
Definition: A relic from the 80's metal scene. Long hair, excessive tattoos and an uncanny ability to play air guitar are the identifying characteristics.
Example: I went to the concert and the place was full of kenneths. Synonyms: Zinik, Skurik
George IV clipped of a tiny lock of hair from each woman he slept with and kept them in individual envelopes, each bearing the owner's name. When he died, over 7000 such envelopes were found in his bedroom.
Definition: The word that a PC Wintel-using HTML programming geek uses to try and disguise his sloppy non-cross-platform programming skills. Usually said with an air of indignance.
Example: Um, well, no - that table won't look right to you - it's a Mac-thing. Now, if you look at it on my PC...
Tell me this....
Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your ass?
Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?
Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?
What do people in China call their good plates?
Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but not to their crotch when they ask where the toilet is?
Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Is it possible to brush your teeth without wiggling your ass?
Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?
Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?
What do people in China call their good plates?
Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but not to their crotch when they ask where the toilet is?
"Early to bed and early to rise -- till you get enough money to do otherwise."
Peter's Almanac
"God is on everyone's side … and in the last analysis, he is on the side with plenty of money and large armies.
Jean Anouilh (1910-87), French playwright
University President: "Why is it that you physicists always require so much expensive equipment? Now the Department of Mathematics requires nothing but money for paper, pencils, and erasers...and the Department of Philosophy is better still. It doesn't even ask for erasers."
Isaac Asimov (1920-92), Russian-born American scientist, writer
"The only reason to have money is to tell any SOB in the world to go to hell."
Humphrey Bogart, American actor
"The surest way to get rid of a bore is to lend money to him."
Paul Louis Courier "Christmas is the season when people run out of money before they run out of friends."
Larry Wilde
Peter's Almanac
"God is on everyone's side … and in the last analysis, he is on the side with plenty of money and large armies.
Jean Anouilh (1910-87), French playwright
University President: "Why is it that you physicists always require so much expensive equipment? Now the Department of Mathematics requires nothing but money for paper, pencils, and erasers...and the Department of Philosophy is better still. It doesn't even ask for erasers."
Isaac Asimov (1920-92), Russian-born American scientist, writer
"The only reason to have money is to tell any SOB in the world to go to hell."
Humphrey Bogart, American actor
"The surest way to get rid of a bore is to lend money to him."
Paul Louis Courier "Christmas is the season when people run out of money before they run out of friends."
Larry Wilde
The world's heaviest flying bird is the great bustard which weighs in at around 46lb - the same weight as a six-year-old boy. By rights, it should be too heavy to fly.
Origin: Unknown
Definition: The catalogue of expectations a woman has of a man.
Example: Bob would have liked to have watched the football game on Thanksgiving Day
but that was not on Chrissy's vagenda.
Definition: The catalogue of expectations a woman has of a man.
Example: Bob would have liked to have watched the football game on Thanksgiving Day
but that was not on Chrissy's vagenda.
Hotel owners in Hastings, Nebraska, are required by law to provide a clean white cotton nightshirt for each guest. No couple may have sex in the hotel unless they are wearing these nightshirts.
Definition: A danny is a finger puppet. Danny is appropriate to be used for all types of finger puppets.
Example: I bought the cutest little danny today, a caterpillar.
Click on Pic to Enlarge and Read hehe
| A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well. 'What's the matter?' he asks. 'I have a case of anal glaucoma,' she says in a weak voice. 'What the hell is anal glaucoma?' 'I can't see my ass coming into work today.’ |
Exclamations:
"Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!"
"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."
Threats:
"I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outtastyle."
"This'll jar your preserves."
"Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!"
Good Things/Compliments:
"Cute as a sack full of puppies."
"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."
"Gooder than grits."
The Weather:
"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
Wintry roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot."
Descriptions:
A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off."
When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."
If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."
"He ran like his feet was on fire and his ass was catchin."
A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor."
Insults:
"She's uglier than homemade soap."
"Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be weighed, it said 'To be continued.'"
"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
"Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."
"The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead"
Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart."
Example: "She's dumber than a door knob, bless her heart."
"Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!"
"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."
Threats:
"I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outtastyle."
"This'll jar your preserves."
"Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!"
Good Things/Compliments:
"Cute as a sack full of puppies."
"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."
"Gooder than grits."
The Weather:
"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."
"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."
Wintry roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot."
Descriptions:
A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off."
When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."
If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."
"He ran like his feet was on fire and his ass was catchin."
A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor."
Insults:
"She's uglier than homemade soap."
"Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be weighed, it said 'To be continued.'"
"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."
"Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."
"The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead"
Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart."
Example: "She's dumber than a door knob, bless her heart."
"Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I don't like that attitude. I can assure them it is much more serious than that."
Bill Shankly, In Sunday Times (UK) Oct. 4 1981
"Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead."
Erma Bombeck (1927 - 1996)
"Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings."
George F. Will (1941 - )
"Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein."
Joe Theismann, Former quarterback
"If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like."
Phyllis Diller
Bill Shankly, In Sunday Times (UK) Oct. 4 1981
"Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead."
Erma Bombeck (1927 - 1996)
"Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings."
George F. Will (1941 - )
"Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein."
Joe Theismann, Former quarterback
"If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like."
Phyllis Diller
An Eskimo by the name of Emaku Gluco prepared for his 21-mile swim across the Catalina Strait off California by living in a fridge. He abandoned the swim half-way across, complaining that the water was too warm.
Definition: Wind Assisted Fucking Idiots--used by skippers of motor boats to describe sailors.
Example: We would have been here sooner but some Wafi had to be rescued.
The Canary Islands were named after dogs, not birds. In Roman times, the islands were known for the wild dogs which roamed there.
The Latin word for dog is "Canis" and so they were christened the Canary Islands.
When explorers visited the islands in the 16th century, they brought home pretty little singing birds which they had found there and which they duly named "Canaries".
The Latin word for dog is "Canis" and so they were christened the Canary Islands.
When explorers visited the islands in the 16th century, they brought home pretty little singing birds which they had found there and which they duly named "Canaries".
Origin: Unknown
Definition: An obese person.
Example: What does she look like? Well, she's a bit of a salad dodger.
Definition: An obese person.
Example: What does she look like? Well, she's a bit of a salad dodger.
WOMAN'S DIARY
2 August 2008 Saturday
Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely.
I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and was a bit late meeting him, thought it might be that.
The bar was really crowded and loud, so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.
He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we went somewhere nice to eat.
All through dinner he just didn't seem himself - he hardly laughed and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying, I just knew that something was wrong.
He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in, He hesitated but followed.
I asked him what was wrong, but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.
After about ten minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed, I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply, He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile.
He didn't follow me up immediately but came up later and, to my surprise, we made love - but he still seemed distant and a bit cold.
I cried myself to sleep - I think he's planning to leave me - maybe he's found someone else.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
MAN'S DIARY:
Saturday 2 August
Wallabies lost the rugby.
Gutted.
Got a root though.
2 August 2008 Saturday
Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely.
I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and was a bit late meeting him, thought it might be that.
The bar was really crowded and loud, so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.
He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we went somewhere nice to eat.
All through dinner he just didn't seem himself - he hardly laughed and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying, I just knew that something was wrong.
He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in, He hesitated but followed.
I asked him what was wrong, but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.
After about ten minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed, I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply, He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile.
He didn't follow me up immediately but came up later and, to my surprise, we made love - but he still seemed distant and a bit cold.
I cried myself to sleep - I think he's planning to leave me - maybe he's found someone else.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
MAN'S DIARY:
Saturday 2 August
Wallabies lost the rugby.
Gutted.
Got a root though.
Synopsis:
Why so serious?
The follow-up to the action hit "Batman Begins," "The Dark Knight" reunites director Christopher Nolan and star Christian Bale, who reprises the role of Batman/Bruce Wayne in his continuing war on crime.
With the help of Lieutenant Jim Gordon and District Attorney Harvey Dent, Batman sets out to destroy organized crime in Gotham for good. The triumvirate proves to be effective, but they soon find themselves prey to a rising criminal mastermind known as the Joker, who thrusts Gotham into anarchy and forces the Dark Knight ever closer to crossing the fine line between hero and vigilante.
Academy Award nominee Heath Ledger ("Brokeback Mountain") stars as arch-villain The Joker, and Aaron Eckhart plays District Attorney Harvey Dent. Maggie Gyllenhaal joins the cast in the role of Rachel Dawes. Returning from "Batman Begins" are Gary Oldman as Lieutenant Jim Gordon; Oscar winner Michael Caine ("The Cider House Rules") as Alfred; and Oscar winner Morgan Freeman ("Million Dollar Baby") as Lucius Fox.
Warner Bros. Pictures presents, in association with Legendary Pictures, a Syncopy Production, a Christopher Nolan film, "The Dark Knight." Nolan directed the film from a screenplay written by Jonathan Nolan and Christopher Nolan, story by Christopher Nolan & David S. Goyer. Charles Roven, Emma Thomas and Christopher Nolan are the producers, with Benjamin Melniker, Michael E. Uslan, Kevin De La Noy and Thomas Tull serving as executive producers. "The Dark Knight" is based upon characters appearing in comic books published by DC Comics. Batman was created by Bob Kane.
Cast includes very good names:
Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Gary Oldman, Aaron Eckhart, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Eric Roberts, Anthony Michael Hall, Nestor Carbonell, Melinda McGraw, Nathan Gamble, Michael Jai White
Some Critic Reviews:
"'And here we go!'" FIVE Stars!
The Dark Knight one of the most highly anticipated movies of year. It broke the midnight box office record with a staggering 18.5 million. In midnight sales! That’s impressive in itself.
As the second installment to Christopher Nolan's revision of a franchise gone strange, the Dark Knight faces off against his greatest villain, The Joker.
From the beginning this movie grabs you. The bank scene is....well for lack of a better word awesome. Its shot and executed beautifully, your caught by the action and the story as it leaps forward with your first glimpse of Health Ledgers portrayal of The Joker. From the first time you realize it’s the Joker you can’t wait for more of him.
So far this is the best I can find that has not already been removed, so if you want it you know what to do, but be quick before they remove this too.
Code:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0468569
Or
http://rapidshare.com/files/131813802/Good_Movie_A.part1.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131813814/Good_Movie_A.part2.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131813844/Good_Movie_A.part3.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131815824/Good_Movie_A.part4.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131815873/Good_Movie_A.part5.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131819837/Good_Movie_A.part6.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131820044/Good_Movie_A.part7.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131820283/Good_Movie_A.part8.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131821738/Good_Movie_B.part1.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131822505/Good_Movie_B.part2.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131822770/Good_Movie_B.part3.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131826859/Good_Movie_B.part4.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131827331/Good_Movie_B.part5.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131828294/Good_Movie_B.part6.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131829601/Good_Movie_B.part7.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131829857/Good_Movie_B.part8.rar
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0468569
Or
http://rapidshare.com/files/131813802/Good_Movie_A.part1.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131813814/Good_Movie_A.part2.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131813844/Good_Movie_A.part3.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131815824/Good_Movie_A.part4.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131815873/Good_Movie_A.part5.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131819837/Good_Movie_A.part6.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131820044/Good_Movie_A.part7.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131820283/Good_Movie_A.part8.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131821738/Good_Movie_B.part1.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131822505/Good_Movie_B.part2.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131822770/Good_Movie_B.part3.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131826859/Good_Movie_B.part4.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131827331/Good_Movie_B.part5.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131828294/Good_Movie_B.part6.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131829601/Good_Movie_B.part7.rar
http://rapidshare.com/files/131829857/Good_Movie_B.part8.rar
pirat3dwar3z.com
If the content gets blocked, leave me a comment and I will fix the problem
Show Premiere: 01/08/08 at 8 pm on Alt TV.
Watch the g33k show with MsBehaviour, Chelfyn and The Mistress, Fridays 8 p.m. on Alt TV, streamed live and broadcast on SKY 65 in New Zealand.
With pods on geek culture, snapshots of the future, and debate on emerging technologies.
Listen to audio pods from our weekly Radio Wammo on Kiwi FM, or read our favourite geek news feeds.
When attacked, the Chuckwalla, a large lizard from the United States, wedges itself into a crack between two rocks and puffs itself up so that it can't be pulled out. It can inflate its lungs to increase its body size by 50%
Origin: Unknown
Definition: Aggressive response to anything that is causing frustration or is just plain not working. Basically Kill it with a stick strung together.
Example: This stupid server's booted me five times already! Killitwithastick!
Definition: Aggressive response to anything that is causing frustration or is just plain not working. Basically Kill it with a stick strung together.
Example: This stupid server's booted me five times already! Killitwithastick!
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