Spooge's Spit Up - Masturbation
Spooge's Spit Up - Friday Funny
A very loud, unattractive, acidic-acting woman walks into the Warehouse with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The Warehouse Security dude says, "Good morning and welcome to the Warehouse .... nice children you've got there - are they twins?"
The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins?........ Do you really think they look alike?"
"Ahhh, No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!"
The Warehouse Security dude says, "Good morning and welcome to the Warehouse .... nice children you've got there - are they twins?"
The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins?........ Do you really think they look alike?"
"Ahhh, No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!"
Spooge's Spit Up - Types of People
There are only 10 kinds of people in the world...
Those that understand binary and those that don't
Those that understand binary and those that don't
Quasi's Friday Man Babe - David Tennant
I don't apologise, I think David Tennant is HOT (I mean just look at him) !!! hehe
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - Baffled with Science
Once sum is always the same, whatever the numbers, take any three-figure number in which the first figure is larger than the last - for example 834. Then reverse it, making 438, and subtract the smaller number from the larger, making 396. Finally add that to the same number reversed, in this case 693. The answer is 1089, and will be 1089 whatever the starting number!
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Ultrahyperpsuedoantidisestablishmentariasitic
antidisestablishmentarianism. This was about as far as it got before it stopped making sense.
Definition: Okay, here's what it actually means:
Showing extreme erratic false opposition to the giving of funds towards a church or government building.
Example: That guy over there is being a little ultrahyperpsuedoantidisestablishmentariasitic, don't you think?
Twenty-One Condom Ads You Never Saw Coming
Anyone in the advertising industry will tell you that it’s more fun to create ads for some products as opposed to others. Dusting polish and toilet cleaners, for example, aren’t exactly clients that most creative types are jumping up and down to work with. Condoms, on the other hand, are. But because there’s so much potential to make easy, tasteless jokes, condom advertising requires a more delicate touch; great ads should make us think a little bit harder before rewarding us with the punch line. These twenty-one ads from around the world do just that—some in more subtle ways than others.
If you liked this sample of the 21 Ads, please visit www.divinecaroline.com the rest of them
It is well worth the visit hehe
Spooge's Spit Up - Muppets 'Animal' Caught Speeding
Yes, the photo above is real: It is Animal—from The Muppets—driving a British Audi while speeding through a German road. The famous pink drummer is driving the police there absolutely crazy, because he keeps doing it again and again. Or better said, the real driver is, using a low-tech approach to take advantage of a weak point of the radar cameras. I don't know about you, but this image makes me laugh out loud. The German police, however, wasn't amused when they explained to the press how the whole joke worked and how they couldn't fine the driver because of it:
I don't know why are they making a big deal of this, quite honestly. At least Animal is not actually driving."The number plate is not enough [to catch and fine the driver]. We need clear evidence of who is driving the vehicle too. But because this is a British vehicle we can never get a decent picture [because he radar cameras are designed to take photos of the passengers in the left seat, not the right]. The driver has obviously worked this out because he has placed a large puppet in the passenger seat."
"This may be an example of the famous British sense of humour but it is still dangerous driving. The driver has been caught on camera on several occasions and the puppet is on the passenger seat every time. We suspect he positions the toy deliberately before accelerating past the camera."
Spooge's Spit Up - 15 New Uses for Vodka
1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves adhesive.
2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.
3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.
4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.
5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.
6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.
7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.
8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill them.
9. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a Ziploc freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, refreshable ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes.
10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches and pains.
11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.
12. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.
13 Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.
14. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol oil from your skin.
15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.
And silly me. I've only been drinking the stuff!!!
2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.
3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.
4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.
5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry.
6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.
7. Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.
8. Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill them.
9. Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a Ziploc freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, refreshable ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes.
10. Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches and pains.
11. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.
12. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.
13 Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.
14. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol oil from your skin.
15. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.
And silly me. I've only been drinking the stuff!!!
Spooge's Spit Up - I'm Not Very Bright
I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.
Marshall McLuhan
I never know how much of what I say is true.
Bette Midler
I have nothing intelligent to say.
Meg Tilly, when approached by a TV reporter asking questions on her way into the 1997 Oscar ceremonies.
I am not denying anything I did not say.
Brian Mulrooney
I really didn't say everything I said.
Yogi Berra
I'm a meathead. I can't help it, man. You've got smart people and you've got dumb people.
Keanu Reeves
My movies were the kind they show in prisons and airplanes, because nobody can leave.
Burt Reynolds
I'm no actor, and I have sixty-four pictures to prove it.
Victor Mature
Of all the things I've ever lost I miss my mind the most.
Steven Tyler
Marshall McLuhan
I never know how much of what I say is true.
Bette Midler
I have nothing intelligent to say.
Meg Tilly, when approached by a TV reporter asking questions on her way into the 1997 Oscar ceremonies.
I am not denying anything I did not say.
Brian Mulrooney
I really didn't say everything I said.
Yogi Berra
I'm a meathead. I can't help it, man. You've got smart people and you've got dumb people.
Keanu Reeves
My movies were the kind they show in prisons and airplanes, because nobody can leave.
Burt Reynolds
I'm no actor, and I have sixty-four pictures to prove it.
Victor Mature
Of all the things I've ever lost I miss my mind the most.
Steven Tyler
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - Hard to Fathom
The deep-sea angler fish has its own special rod, line and bait for catching prey. Living in the dark depths of the Atlantic, it has a bony projection above its mouth. From this stretches a long, thin line like a fishing rod, the end of which is illuminated by bacteria. The angler fish waves the pole about and little fish come to investigate in the belief that the moving light is food.
In some species of angler fish, the smaller male literally hangs on to his partner for life. Their bodily systems become united and he becomes entirely dependent on the females blood for nutrition.
In some species of angler fish, the smaller male literally hangs on to his partner for life. Their bodily systems become united and he becomes entirely dependent on the females blood for nutrition.
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Salad Dodger
Origin: Unknown
Definition: An obese person.
Example: What does she look like? Well, she's a bit of a salad dodger.
Definition: An obese person.
Example: What does she look like? Well, she's a bit of a salad dodger.
Spooge's Spit Up - Remember This
See Dick Run
*
*
Run Dick Run
*
*
*
*
*
"You dont stop laughing when you get old, you get old when you stop laughing!!!"
*
*
Run Dick Run
*
*
*
*
*
"You dont stop laughing when you get old, you get old when you stop laughing!!!"
Spooge's Spit Up - Left Brain Vs. Right Brain
IT'S the Great Right Brain vs Left Brain Test ... do you see the dancer turning clockwise or anti-clockwise?
If clockwise, then you use more of the right side of the brain and vice versa.
Most of us would see the dancer turning anti-clockwise though you can try to focus and change the direction; see if you can do it.
| LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS | RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS |
| uses logic | uses feeling |
| detail oriented | "big picture" oriented |
| facts rule | imagination rules |
| words and language | symbols and images |
| present and past | present and future |
| maths and science | philosophy & religion |
| can comprehend | can "get it" (i.e. meaning) |
| knowing | believes |
| acknowledges | appreciates |
| order/pattern perception | spatial perception |
| knows object name | knows object function |
| reality based | fantasy based |
| forms strategies | presents possibilities |
| practical | impetuous |
| safe | risk taking |
Spooge's Spit Up - Case Dismissed
Case Dismissed: 10 Most Bizarre UK Court Cases
The court of law is thought to be a rational place, but we’ve uncovered some of the most bizarre court cases that have ever graced the UK courts.
10. Toy car
Cathy McGowan was thrilled when she won a competition on the local radio. She answered the question on Radio Buxton to win a Renault Clio, but, when she arrived at the local radio station, she was presented with a toy car. The radio station was ordered to pay £8,000 as the judge ruled they had entered into a legally binding agreement.
9. Sex rations
In 1980, three judges, Lord Justice Ormrod, Lord Justice Dunn and Mr Justice Arnold ruled that a woman who rationed sex with her husband to once per week was behaving reasonably. Tell that to her husband!
To read the rest of the list visit here: The Daily Dust
Sneaky's Daily Did You Know....? - In Excess
Manfred Mann gave away a mountain to promote his 1974 song "The Good Earth". Everyone who bought the environmentally friendly record was rewarded with a deed to a square foot of Welsh mountainside.
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - PAB
Origin: Unknown
Definition: Poor Arse Bastard. Someone who is faced with the menial, boring, time-wasting, painful. or stupid in extreme doses.
Example: If you read human-baboon's entries, you're a PAB.
Definition: Poor Arse Bastard. Someone who is faced with the menial, boring, time-wasting, painful. or stupid in extreme doses.
Example: If you read human-baboon's entries, you're a PAB.
Spooge's Spit Up - Giant Bird Eating Spider Caught on Camera
telegraph.co.uk — Photographs of a giant spider eating a bird in an Australian garden have stunned wildlife experts. The pictures show the spider with its long black legs wrapped around the body of a dead bird suspended in its web.
To read the complete story click on the link below:
Spooge's Spit Up - 10 Things You Should Know About Cheating
If soap operas and the media are to be believed, then everyone is getting their leg over everywhere.. all the time. In fact, do you know where your partner is right now? Here are 10 facts about cheating, you may not have known.
1.) Cheating is not as common as you might think. 1 in 5 men have strayed at least once during their married lives, and that figure drops to half in women.
2.) Men are better at spotting cheating spouses with 50% finding out, whereas only 30% of women can identify a rat.
3.) Are you sure you want to confess? Affairs are the biggest cause for divorce.
4.) Those who divorce rarely marry the person they are having the affair with. For example, Dr. Jan Halper’s study of successful men (executives, entrepreneurs, professionals) found that only 3 percent of the 4,100 successful men surveyed eventually married their lovers.
5.) Frank Pittman says there are four types of infidelity: accidental infidelity, the romantic affair, the marital arrangement, and the philanderer.
6.) 31% of people have had an online conversation that has led to real-time sex.
7.) 2 out of 3 women and 3 out of 4 men admit they think about makin’ bacon with co-workers.
8.) Although flirting doesn’t necessarily lead to horizontal hula, 86% of men and 81% of women admit they routinely flirt with the opposite sex.
9.) 2 to 3% of all children are the product of an affair. And most of these children are unknowingly raised by men who are not their biological fathers. Remember, no love without the glove…
10.) 75% of the cases of sudden death during sexual activity involved … extra-marital sexual intercourse.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
