Cultural Vibes New Years Eve in Whitianga

MICKY'S ON CAMPBELL PRESENTS

Cultural Vibes promises a veritable smorgasbord of Ingenious International & Local Luscious DJ's, plus live tracks from one of New Zealand's most talented MC's.

This first rate music will be intensified by stunning laser, light and visual shows.

Micky's on Campbell will be bouncing to the Cultural Vibes beats, definitely making it the place to be this New Years Eve.

For more information check out the Cultural Vibes Blog and Facebook page.

Wednesday De-Motivator

Did You Know....? - Great Escapes

In 1996 a pair of taiwanese lovers made a suicide pact when their parents refused to allow them to get married. But after surviving four suicide attempts - including hanging, driving their car off a cliff and jumping from a 12 storey building - the couple decided to give up

Sneaks Slip 'n Slang - Randometer

Origin: Unknown

Definition: The gauge that measures just how random comments are. Commonly used when someone blurts something out of nowhere.

Example: A. My favorite color is blue. B. Whoa, the randometer just went off the scale.

Did You Know....? - Potty Plants

The Lady in the Veil mushroom from Tropical Africa is one of the fastest-growing organisms in the plant world. It takes a mere 20 minutes to attain its full height of eight inches. To achieve this, its cells expand at such a rate that they make an audible cracking sound

Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Cack

Origin: Unknown

Definition: Individuals who are of great arrogance, or who are wholly belonging to the mainstream society and laws of social conformity and use that to their advantage. Cacks are also identified as assholes or similar offensive names.

Example: Due to the thirty gallons of coffee you drink every day, and the minimum wage you pay, that automatically makes you, sir, a cack.

Tuesday Signs of the Times

Monday FAIL

Did You Know....? - For Better or Worse

Between 1949 and 1981, one man notched up 104 bigamous marriages in 15 countries. The bigamist - who used so many aliases that nobody knew what to charge him as - was finally brought to justice in 1983 and sentenced to 34 years in jail. He died in 1991.

Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Video Game Eye

Origin: Gaming Slang

Definition: When you have been playing a computer game too long and can still see it playing in front of your eyes even after you stop. Will often cause involuntary eye movements in an attempt to dodge imaginary foes.

Example: You'd better drive--I have serious video game eye.

Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - PAB

Origin: Unknown

Definition: Poor Arse Bastard. Someone who is faced with the menial, boring, time-wasting, painful. or stupid in extreme doses.

Example: If you read human-baboon's entries, you're a PAB.

Friday Funny

A pastor explained to his congregation that the church was in need of some extra money, so he asked them to consider being more than generous. He offered that whoever gave the most would be able to pick three hymns. After the offering plates were passed about the church, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had graciously offered a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he’d like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady in the back of the church shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front, so she slowly she made her way towards him. The pastor told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much, and in thanks he asked her to pick out three hymns. Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation. She pointed to the three most handsome men in the church and said, “I’ll take him and him and him.”

Friday Man Babe - Laundry Guy

If only my laundromat looked like this...

Did You Know....? - Screen Legends

Sylvester Stallone's first movie acting role was in a porn movie, called Party at Kitty and Stud's. This movie came out in 1970, when Stallone was 24 years old. Stallone was the leading man in this film, and he later acknowledged in a Playboy interview that he was paid $200 for his role.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Thursday Advertising - Nissan

Did You Know....? - Strange Structures

Back in the 19th century, St Enodoc Church at Daymer Bay in Cornwall was almost completely submerged by sand blown in from the nearby dunes. The only way in was through the roof and that was how the vicar god in every Christmas to fulfil the requirement that a vicar had to enter his church at least once a year.

Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - O.E.

Origin: Geek Speak

Definition: Operator Error. If the person running machine, computer, car (whatever) just can't make it work, that's operator error.

Example: Bert. I can't make copies on this machine. Ernie. Must be an O.E., darling, I just finished making a copy.

Cultural Vibes New Years Eve in Whitianga

MICKY'S ON CAMPBELL PRESENTS

Cultural Vibes New Years Eve in Whitianga

MICKY'S ON CAMPBELL PRESENTS

Wednesday De-Motivator

Did You Know....? - Rotten Rulers

Louis XIV of France hated washing and took only three baths in his entire adult life. But he loved beds and owned 413 of them.

Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Badillectomy

Origin: Unknown

Definition: Removing the bad from the pseudodictionary.
Not necessarily bad words, but also bad spellings, grammar, punctuation, and so forth.
Not bowdlerizing the pd--but getting rid of lame, trashy, and unentertaining words that don't meet the guidelines; duplicates; already existing words; words with no explanatory examples; and words with a description that has nothing to do with the example given.

Example: Time to go through the pseudodictionary and perform a badillectomy.

Did You Know....? - Raining Sprats and Frogs

There was a human hailstorm in Germany in 1930, Five glider pilots, caught in a thundercloud over Rhon mountains, baled out but were carried up and down within the super-cooled cloud. Finally they plummeted to earth, frozen within ice prisons. Only one survived

Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - A Case of the Ass or Redass

Origin: US Army Slang

Definition: Highly annoyed, pissed off.

Example: Sergeant Greenfield has this huge case of the ass with me ever since I wrecked his humvee.

Tuesday Signs of the Times

Monday FAIL

Did You Know....? - Daft Deeds

Charles Creighton and James Hargis of Maplewood, Missouri, drove their Model A Ford Roadster in recrese from New York to Los Angeles in 1930 without once stopping the engine.

Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Yardrat

Origin: Unknown

Definition: Prison inmate.
The career choice most high school dropouts make, particularly in Florida.
The yardrat is characterized by a crew cut, numerous tattoos, earrings, a positive THC drug test any day of the year, 3 dollars in his pocket, a least one DUI or future DUI, low self-esteem, and a trailer or apartment he shares with other yardrats.

Example: Did you see that truckload of yardrats drive by?

You Might Be A Scrooge If...

If your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve is gin, vodka and bourbon
you just might be a Scrooge

If you turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve to keep carolers away
you just might be a Scrooge

If you buy all of your Christmas gifts at a store that also sells gas
you just might be a Scrooge

If your favorite version of "Babes in Toyland" stars Michael Jackson
you just might be a Scrooge

If you get your Christmas Tree at a rest stop at night
you just might be a Scrooge

If you give bathroom fixtures as Christmas gifts
you just might be a Scrooge

If your prized Christmas ornament is Santa Claus shooting the moon
you just might be a Scrooge

If your favorite Christmas movie is Jurassic Park
you just might be a Scrooge

If your idea of Christmas dinner is a six pack of beer and a cheese log
you just might be a Scrooge

If you think "Ho, Ho, Ho" is a line from a Rocky movie
you just might be a Scrooge

If your best Christmas tradition involves a fire and reindeer meat
you just might be a Scrooge

If your favorite version of "Silent Night" is sung by OJ Simpson
you just might be a Scrooge

If your favorite past time is putting defective bulbs in your neighbors' string of Christmas lights or defacing Christmas lawn caricatures with egg nog
you just might be a Scrooge

And, finally - if your only holiday decoration is a rotting pumpkin
you just might be a Scrooge

All About Santa

Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?
Tom Armstrong

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
Shirley Temple Black

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.
Victor Borge

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man would be coming into my neighborhood after dark.
Dick Gregory

Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
Arlo Guthrie

I played Santa Claus many times, and if you don't believe it, check out the divorce settlements awarded my wives.
Groucho Marx "The Groucho Phile"

http://www.myspacegraphicsandanimations.org/images/santa-come-back-funny-cartoon.gif

Did You Know....? - Animal Crackers

If you eat a polar bear liver, you will die of vitamin A poisoning. As a carnivore which feeds largely upon fish-eating carnivores, the polar bear ingests large amounts of vitamin A, which is stored in its liver; in the past, humans have been poisoned by eating the livers of polar bears.

Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - B'Shower

Origin: Unknown

Definition: That annoying cross between a bathtub and a shower. Why can't it make up its mind?

Example: I hate the b'shower--the floor is always so slippery that I'm afraid I'll fall and break my hip.

Friday Funny

Part of my job at the District Attorney's office is to send letters to people accused of crimes, informing them when a court date is scheduled. One such notice was returned, clearly by a criminal mastermind, with this jotted on the envelope, 'I do not live here anymore.'

Friday Man Babe - Keanu Reeves

I do not apologise for this Man Babe, I think he is hot in a dopey eyes kind a way NOM

McDonalds and Tomato Sauce Fight

Killed by Condom

Logitech Mouse

Twas The Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring; they were all in the pub
Doing eight pints of Stella and five shots of Grouse,
Then vodka and Red Bull; then on to a club.

They fought with the bouncers and drank even more,
Then they flagged down the night bus and barged through the door,
And onto the top deck, apart from young Russ,
Whose ASBO forbade him from boarding the bus.

Russ hotwired a scooter and sped home for bed;
He flattened three cats and he left them for dead,
He skidded on ice, pranged the scooter and fled,
(And while bolting through gardens he burgled a shed).

Russ crept round the corner at the end of his street,
Then he heard a loud cough and went white as a sheet.
He thought it was coppers and started to bolt,
But a kindly voice hailed him and begged him to halt.

A jolly old man stood there decked out in red,
With fur boots on his feet and a gash on his head.
His hat and his white beard were sodden with sick;
Russell knew in a flash that it must be St. Nick.

“Bloody hell, I'm in trouble,” old Santa Claus said,
“I've had a few bevvies and knackered me sled,
I ran a red light 'round the corner from here,
Went under a lorry and killed half the deer.”

“All the presents are busted, my front teeth are loose,
I've spewed on my feet and my phone's out of juice.
I should never have ordered that seventeenth beer
Now, unless you can help, there's no Christmas this year.”

“Then we need us some wheels, Russell said with a smile,
Your sleigh might be wrecked but we'll travel in style.”
He jemmied the door of a Golf with his knife
And he fiddled with wires till the car came to life.

“Hop in, Santa,” he hollered, “We're off to the shops,
I'll drive; keep your eyes peeled and watch for the cops.”
“But the shops will be shut,” Santa wailed with remorse,
“Don't worry,” said Russ, “We'll apply some blunt force.”

They sped to the centre of town in a hurry,
Then they turned and reversed through the window of Curry's.
They leapt from the motor, popped open the boot
And emptied the shelves of electrical loot.

They grabbed SatNavs and laptops and phones and alarm clocks,
Several DVD players, TVs and an Xbox.
Santa filled up his sack with CDs and camcorders,
Then they fled from the store with the place in disorder.

As they drove down the high street with yells of delight,
They saw in the mirror a flashing blue light.
Russell stamped on the gas - but the car went no faster;
The coppers were gaining; it looked like disaster.

“Our cargo's too heavy,” cried Russell, “They'll catch us,
Then block us and brake and we'll crash and they'll snatch us!
We'll never outpace them; we have to be cunning;
Let's head for the park, ditch the car and start running.”

“Fear not,” said St. Nick, “I can give us some thrust,”
He whipped out a small pouch of glowing red dust.
When he sprinkled a pinch on the dash with great care,
The Golf left the ground and took off through the air.

They soared above rooftops and into the night;
Russell's heart soared with joy; this was magic all right.
Then a deafening roar from behind turned him pale;
The police helicopter was hot on his tail.

"Use the dust," Russell said. "Santa - make us more swift."
"But it’s Christmas," said Santa - "Let’s give them a gift."
He reached for his sack and pulled out a TV,
Then leaned through his window and cackled with glee.

“With this pressie,” said Santa, “I'll screw 'em up proper,”
He whirled it and hurled it right into the chopper.
Take that, flying rozzers,” yelled Santa, excited,
The 'copter went down, hit a house and ignited.

“I think we’re in trouble,” said Russ with a shiver,
“Don't be wet,” Santa cried, “We've got gifts to deliver!
Pull in at the offie and grab some White Lightning;
We'll have a few tins; it'll all be less frightening.”

“If it's all right with you, I might pass,” Russell said.
“It's been a big night; I could do with my bed.
“Though the ram-raid was tops and the flying's been swell,
I'm concerned my mum thinks I'm passed out in a cell.”

“Fair enough,” Santa said, “Hey – we’ve been a great team"
“Close your eyes, faithful elf; this has all been... a dream.”
The next thing Russ knew, he was lying in bed,
Feeling sick with a thundering pain in his head.

Eyeballs burning like fire, pillow covered in slime,
'Twas a true Christmas hangover - what was the time?
He staggered downstairs, where his mum made him tea
And explained that he'd rolled in at quarter past three.

“I’ve been dreaming,” said Russ, “It was ever so vivid,
But why are you cheerful? I’d have thought you’d be livid.”
“Something’s happened,” said Mother, “It’s magic – come see;
There’s a huge flatscreen telly here under the tree.”

“Someone’s been in the night and they’ve left us this gift.
With a note: “Merry Christmas - and thanks for the lift.”
“How peculiar,” thought Russ, “Nice one, Santa – you’re ace,”
And he went back to bed with a grin on his face.

Top 20 Mug Shots of 2008

What makes a good photograph? A compelling subject, proper lighting, and exquisite composition would certainly be components. But what makes a good mug shot? A compelling subject, of course. And a cow costume never hurts. While most of the images speak for themselves, on some pages you'll find links to stories providing additional details about the arrestees.

Click here to see the rest of the mug shots, Thanks to The Smoking Gun.com

McDonald's Robber Gets Laughed At

SAN ANTONIO -- A man who attempted to rob a northwest side McDonald's Tuesday evening ran into a string of bad luck, police said.

The man approached a cashier at the McDonald's on Ingram near Callaghan roads and demanded money, only to be laughed at when the cashier didn't realize he was trying to rob the store, police said.

The cashier then told the man to get a job if he wanted money, prompting the robber to pull a box cutter out on a couple inside the restaurant and demanding the man's wallet.

The man complied, police said, but there was no money in the wallet. The robber left the store and was promptly caught by a police officer who responded to the call from across the street.

The robber is expected to be charged with aggravated robbery, police said.

Wii Romance

Good Touch Bad Touch

The Virgins Awaiting Muslims

Drugs Reclaimed at Lost & Found

FAYETTEVILLE (WTVD) -- Cumberland County deputies say a couple tried to reclaim their illegal drugs at a mall lost and found.

Billie Jo Ransom, 28, and Arron Dean Revels, 23, were arrested while shopping at Cross Creek Mall.

Detective say the pair went to the mall food court for lunch. They allegedly had a tote bag with them with crack cocaine, marijuana and cash inside. Ransom apparently put the bag under the table where they were sitting and then forgot and left it behind.

When they returned and the bag was gone, deputies say the couple went to the mall security office to reclaim it. Deputies were waiting for them and slapped on the handcuffs.

Man these guys are so dumb they deserve to get locked up lol

If They Are Drinking This They Are...

A number of New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance, down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying, a pain in the butt.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, very picky, knows exactly what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her; if she is interested, she'll send you a drink.

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel, see below)
Personality: Conservative and classy, sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy, thinks she is classy and sophisticated, but actually has no clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is; this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and is looking to get totally drunk ... and crazy.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed this evening. Nothing to do but wait. However, be careful not to make her mad!

Celebrity Quotes

If you let your head get too big, it'll break your neck
Elvis Presley

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
Red Skelton

I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.
Tom Lehrer

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
Ambrose Bierce

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
Anonymous

Too often, the opportunity knocks, but by the time you push back the chain, push back the bolt, unhook the two locks and shut off the burglar alarm, it's too late.
Rita Coolidge

The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prisons they let you play softball on the weekends.
Bobby Kelton

In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra…Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women's breasts?
Jay Leno

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences.
Brian Kiley

Thursday Advertising - Durex Bedhead

Quick The Boss is Coming...

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