Women

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
[Wendy Liebman]

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
[Erma Bombeck]

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
[Sue Grafton]

I'm not going to vacuum 'till Sears makes one you can ride on.
[Roseanne Barr]

I think - therefore I'm single.
[Lizz Winstead]

"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country."
[Elayne Boosler]

"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman."
[Maryon Pearson]

"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch."
[Gilda Radner]

"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career."
[Gloria Steinhem]

"Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry."
[Gloria Steinhem]