Hang This From Your Office Door
BEFORE YOU COME INTO MY OFFICE AND BOTHER ME, PLEASE CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING...
If you have a question about the thermostat, ask someone on the lower level… where the furnace is.
If you have a question about your own schedule, ask yourself “Where do I need to be and when, and what does it have to do with the person I am about to ask?”
If you have a question regarding finance/billing, please clock out and drive to the nearest bank so that you may address the matter with a professional who gets paid specifically to serve you.
If you have a question about why your long-standing office gripe has not yet been addressed, try saying a prayer; make sure to ask for “JESUS”.
If you are wondering why I told you “You’re great!” at the Christmas party and then never talked to you again, please visit www.drunkandstupid.com, or www.whatthefuckwasithinking.org.
If you have a question about why I am not doing more to address your needs, please submit a written question/comment card to the large wastebasket next to my desk.
If you have a legitimate personal issue with me that needs to be settled, please follow the stairwell up to our splendid roof, put your hands behind your back and dive head-first onto our lavish, freshly paved parking lot.
If none of these easy resolutions satisfy your immediate needs, please feel free to knock on my door because CLEARLY your happiness is my TOP PRIORITY!
GREAT WORKING WITH YOU, AND THANK YOU!
- Evan
If you have a question about the thermostat, ask someone on the lower level… where the furnace is.
If you have a question about your own schedule, ask yourself “Where do I need to be and when, and what does it have to do with the person I am about to ask?”
If you have a question regarding finance/billing, please clock out and drive to the nearest bank so that you may address the matter with a professional who gets paid specifically to serve you.
If you have a question about why your long-standing office gripe has not yet been addressed, try saying a prayer; make sure to ask for “JESUS”.
If you are wondering why I told you “You’re great!” at the Christmas party and then never talked to you again, please visit www.drunkandstupid.com, or www.whatthefuckwasithinking.org.
If you have a question about why I am not doing more to address your needs, please submit a written question/comment card to the large wastebasket next to my desk.
If you have a legitimate personal issue with me that needs to be settled, please follow the stairwell up to our splendid roof, put your hands behind your back and dive head-first onto our lavish, freshly paved parking lot.
If none of these easy resolutions satisfy your immediate needs, please feel free to knock on my door because CLEARLY your happiness is my TOP PRIORITY!
GREAT WORKING WITH YOU, AND THANK YOU!
- Evan
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