Senior Moments
Friday Man Babe - John Barrowman (Captain Jack Harkness)
This one is for my Daughter, she secretly loves this guy... To tell you the truth he is quite NOM!
Friday Funny
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair.
She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office.
She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair.
She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office.
She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."
Did You Know....? - Military Mayhem
At the Battle of Karansebes in 1788, Austrian soldiers succeeded in wiping out nearly 10,000 of their own men. As darkness descended, a few drunken Austrians began shouting that the enemy Turks were upon them. The cry created such a panic that the Austrians started firing indiscriminately at each other.
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Nippley
Origin: American, Canadian Slang
Definition: chilly; cold
Example: When we went out for a walk last night, it was quite nippley.
Definition: chilly; cold
Example: When we went out for a walk last night, it was quite nippley.
10 Sexual Euphemisms you didn't know you were saying
In the secret world of sexual deviance, one can not simply say what they wish when describing something they’ve done/want to do. They can’t because anybody within ear-shot would likely scream, and claw their eyes out from imagery they didn’t want. Instead, they came up with sometimes-clever euphemisms to communicate their intentions. Here are a few choice words and phrases that seem innocuous enough, until I shatter your blissful ignorance.
Turkey slap
Fowl play? An attempt to keep Uncle Filbert from stealing your drumstick?
Actually…
To slap someone in the face with your man-business The good news is, it’s not a phrase you’d likely say in conversation, so you’re relatively safe. However, if you hear it used in conversation, you’ll now know exactly what they’re referring to. Chuckle away.
Hogging
Keeping all the Cheetos? An unwillingness to share?
Actually…
It’s another word for ‘Chubby chasing’. This actually is a word you’d use in general conversation, so be careful. Fortunately, you’d never describe yourself as a ‘hog,’ or say “I’m hogging the-” something. However, when you hear a small child complain that another is ‘hogging all the blocks,’ you can laugh inside, you horrific, twisted person, you.
To read the rest of the article, click the link below
10 Sexual Euphemisms you didn’t know you were saying
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10 Sexual Euphemisms you didn’t know you were saying
Posted using ShareThis
99 Things You Should Experience on the Internet
Greg Rutter's Definitive List of The 99 Things You Should Have Already Experienced On The Internet Unless You're a Loser or Old or Something
(In No Particular Order)
01) Grape Stomp
02) Charlie Bit Me
03) Chocolate Rain
04) Dancing Baby
05) Post Secret
06) Charlie The Unicorn
07) Mentos and Diet Coke
08) Numa Numa
09) Peanut Butter Jelly Time
10) George Lucas In Love
11) You're The Man Now Dog
12) Yatta
13) Star Wars Kid
14) Bubb Rubb
15) The Flying Spaghetti Monster
16) Dramatic Chipmunk
17) Homestar Runner
18) GI Joe Pork Chop Sandwiches
19) Fail Blog
20) Skateboarding Dog
21) All Your Base Are Belong To Us
22) Winnebago Man
23) We Like The Moon
24) I Can Has Cheezburger
25) Barney Vs. Tupac
26) Shining
27) Cute Overload
28) Rick Roll
29) Lazy Sunday
30) David After The Dentist
31) Powerthirst
32) Christian The Lion
33) Bert and Ernie Rap
34) Lady Punch
35) Leprechaun in Alabama
36) Where The Hell Is Matt
37) Boom Goes The Dynamite
38) Breakdancing Baby
39) Drunk Jeff Goldblum
40) Scarlet Takes A Tumble
41) Sepultura - Refuse resist (cover) By Gauchos
42) Gay Mount Everest
43) Afro Ninja
44) Cop Shoots Himself In Leg In Classroom
45) Tron Guy
46) "Leave Britney Alone"
47) Laughing Baby
48) I'm the Juggernaut Bitch
49) The Chairperson Falls
50) Take On Me The Literal Version
51) Bill O'Reilly Flips Out
52) Don't Tase Me Bro
53) The Landlord
54) Breakdancing Baby Kick
55) The Pet Penguin
56) Ms. South Carolina Answers A Question
57) I'm F*#king Matt Damon
58) Will It Blend
59) Spaghetti Cat
60) Tom Cruise Kills Oprah
61) Little Superstar
62) Chad Vader
63) Pretty Much Everywhere It's Going To Be Hot
64) I Like Turtles
65) Who Needs A Movie
66) Jake E. Lee Shreds
67) Hawaii Chair
68) Aussie Party
69) Hitler Plans Burning Man
70) Flirting with Magic
71) Look At The Horse
72) Asian Backstreet Boys
73) Leroy Jenkins
74) Pinky The Cat
75) Monkey Sniffs Finger
76) Sneezing Panda
77) Prison Inmates remake "Thriller"
78) Techno Viking
79) Ask A Ninja
80) Best Man Trips and Ruins Wedding
81) Best Wedding Toast Ever (Amy's Song)
82) Kitten Surprise (how to break up a cat fight)
83) Katana Sword Infomercial Goes Wrong
84) Matrix Ping Pong
85) La Pequeña Prohibida
86) Angry German Kid (translated)
87) Evolution of Dance
88) Ok Go – "Here It Goes Again"
89) Battle at Kruger (lions vs. buffalos vs. crocodiles)
90) Daft Hands
91) Human Beatbox
92) Most T-Shirts Worn At Once
93) Zero G Dog
94) Cuppy Cakes Song
95) George Washington
96) Scary Maze Prank
97) Gay Referee
98) Tranquilized Bear Hits Trampoline
99) Reporter Gets A Fly In The Mouth
02) Charlie Bit Me
03) Chocolate Rain
04) Dancing Baby
05) Post Secret
06) Charlie The Unicorn
07) Mentos and Diet Coke
08) Numa Numa
09) Peanut Butter Jelly Time
10) George Lucas In Love
11) You're The Man Now Dog
12) Yatta
13) Star Wars Kid
14) Bubb Rubb
15) The Flying Spaghetti Monster
16) Dramatic Chipmunk
17) Homestar Runner
18) GI Joe Pork Chop Sandwiches
19) Fail Blog
20) Skateboarding Dog
21) All Your Base Are Belong To Us
22) Winnebago Man
23) We Like The Moon
24) I Can Has Cheezburger
25) Barney Vs. Tupac
26) Shining
27) Cute Overload
28) Rick Roll
29) Lazy Sunday
30) David After The Dentist
31) Powerthirst
32) Christian The Lion
33) Bert and Ernie Rap
34) Lady Punch
35) Leprechaun in Alabama
36) Where The Hell Is Matt
37) Boom Goes The Dynamite
38) Breakdancing Baby
39) Drunk Jeff Goldblum
40) Scarlet Takes A Tumble
41) Sepultura - Refuse resist (cover) By Gauchos
42) Gay Mount Everest
43) Afro Ninja
44) Cop Shoots Himself In Leg In Classroom
45) Tron Guy
46) "Leave Britney Alone"
47) Laughing Baby
48) I'm the Juggernaut Bitch
49) The Chairperson Falls
50) Take On Me The Literal Version
51) Bill O'Reilly Flips Out
52) Don't Tase Me Bro
53) The Landlord
54) Breakdancing Baby Kick
55) The Pet Penguin
56) Ms. South Carolina Answers A Question
57) I'm F*#king Matt Damon
58) Will It Blend
59) Spaghetti Cat
60) Tom Cruise Kills Oprah
61) Little Superstar
62) Chad Vader
63) Pretty Much Everywhere It's Going To Be Hot
64) I Like Turtles
65) Who Needs A Movie
66) Jake E. Lee Shreds
67) Hawaii Chair
68) Aussie Party
69) Hitler Plans Burning Man
70) Flirting with Magic
71) Look At The Horse
72) Asian Backstreet Boys
73) Leroy Jenkins
74) Pinky The Cat
75) Monkey Sniffs Finger
76) Sneezing Panda
77) Prison Inmates remake "Thriller"
78) Techno Viking
79) Ask A Ninja
80) Best Man Trips and Ruins Wedding
81) Best Wedding Toast Ever (Amy's Song)
82) Kitten Surprise (how to break up a cat fight)
83) Katana Sword Infomercial Goes Wrong
84) Matrix Ping Pong
85) La Pequeña Prohibida
86) Angry German Kid (translated)
87) Evolution of Dance
88) Ok Go – "Here It Goes Again"
89) Battle at Kruger (lions vs. buffalos vs. crocodiles)
90) Daft Hands
91) Human Beatbox
92) Most T-Shirts Worn At Once
93) Zero G Dog
94) Cuppy Cakes Song
95) George Washington
96) Scary Maze Prank
97) Gay Referee
98) Tranquilized Bear Hits Trampoline
99) Reporter Gets A Fly In The Mouth
Topless Coffee Shop Opens in Central Maine
VASSALBORO, Maine—A topless coffee shop that raised the ire of many residents of a small central Maine town is open for business.
The Grand View Topless Coffee Shop, located at the site of the former Grand View Motel, opened its doors Monday on busy Route 3 in Vassalboro. A sign outside says, "Over 18 only." Another says, "No cameras, no touching, cash only."
On Tuesday, two men sipped coffee at a booth while three topless waitresses and a bare-chested waiter stood nearby. Topless waitress Susie Wiley said men, women and couples have stopped by.
Dozens of residents objected to the shop when the Vassalboro planning board meeting took up the matter last month. But town officials said the coffee shop met the letter of the law.
Places We'd Like to See
Shapeless, Mass.
Oola,
La Goodness,
Me Income, Tex.
Deathly, Ill.
Hittor, Miss.
Praise, Ala.
Coco, Colo.
Proan, Conn.
Farmerina, Del.
Inert, Mass.
Hezmakinizetime, Pa.
Ca,Ca
Oola,
La Goodness,
Me Income, Tex.
Deathly, Ill.
Hittor, Miss.
Praise, Ala.
Coco, Colo.
Proan, Conn.
Farmerina, Del.
Inert, Mass.
Hezmakinizetime, Pa.
Ca,Ca
Strange...
"Q: "What has recording alone taught you?"
Paul McCartney: "That to make your own decisions about what you do is easy, and playing with yourself is very difficult but satisfying."
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
Mark Twain
"I think that 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it is true lightness."
Alicia Silverstone!
"A wok is what you throw at a wabbit."
unknown
"RENTAL CAR: The only *TRUE* all-terrain vehicle".
known - but unidentified
Paul McCartney: "That to make your own decisions about what you do is easy, and playing with yourself is very difficult but satisfying."
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
Mark Twain
"I think that 'Clueless' was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it is true lightness."
Alicia Silverstone!
"A wok is what you throw at a wabbit."
unknown
"RENTAL CAR: The only *TRUE* all-terrain vehicle".
known - but unidentified
Did You Know....? - Out of Africa
The construction of the railway bridge between Mombasa and Lake Victoria at the end of the 19th century was delayed by the fact that lions killed and ate 28 of the workers.
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Blue Bling
Origin: Native American Slang
Definition: turquoise jewelry
Example: When I was vacation in Nevada, I bought some blue bling as souvenir.
Definition: turquoise jewelry
Example: When I was vacation in Nevada, I bought some blue bling as souvenir.
Did You Know....? - Doctor Doctor
German Physicist Professor Philipp Lenard suffered from onomatophobia, the fear of certain names. He couldn't bear to speak, see or hear the name of Sir Isaac Newton. At the universities where he lectured, Professor Lenard would turn his back on the students whenever Newton's name had to be mentioned. A member of the class would then write the offending name on the blackboard, but it had to be rebbed out again before lenard would continue with the lecture.
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Where the Devil Lost His Poncho
Origin: Uruguayan Slang
Definition: a place very far away where nobody goes, a place where a lot of lost things are kept
Example: I asked my wife where my keys where and she told me to try looking where the devil lost his poncho.
Definition: a place very far away where nobody goes, a place where a lot of lost things are kept
Example: I asked my wife where my keys where and she told me to try looking where the devil lost his poncho.
Classic Writing and Parents
What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
Crowfoot, Blackfoot warrior and orator, 1890
Hold on to your divine blush, your innate rosy magic, or end up brown. Once you're brown, you'll find out you're blue. As blue as indigo. And you know what that means. Indigo. Indigoing. Indigone.
Tom Robbins
When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that exalted, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.
George Bernard Shaw "Getting Married" (1908)
Strange Quotes About Parents Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
Rita Rudner
The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
Sam Levenson (1911 - 1980)
The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children.
King Edward VIII (1894 - 1972)
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.
Clarence Darrow (1857 - 1938)
Crowfoot, Blackfoot warrior and orator, 1890
Hold on to your divine blush, your innate rosy magic, or end up brown. Once you're brown, you'll find out you're blue. As blue as indigo. And you know what that means. Indigo. Indigoing. Indigone.
Tom Robbins
When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that exalted, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.
George Bernard Shaw "Getting Married" (1908)
Strange Quotes About Parents Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
Rita Rudner
The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
Sam Levenson (1911 - 1980)
The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children.
King Edward VIII (1894 - 1972)
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.
Clarence Darrow (1857 - 1938)
Did You Know....? - Poptastic
The BBC took offence at the Kinks' 1970 hit 'Lola', not because the lyrics were about a transsexual, but because they mentioned Coca-Cola. Ever vigilant about advertising, the Corporation forced Ray Davies to change the words to 'Cherry-Cola' when performing on Top of the Pops.
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Brassed Off
Origin: English Slang
Definition: irritated and disappointed
Example: When I got a flat tire, I was really brassed off.
Definition: irritated and disappointed
Example: When I got a flat tire, I was really brassed off.
Friday Funny
Some darn fool tried stealing my identity. Guess he didn't get what he'd bargained for and sent me a condolence card in the mail today.
In it he wrote:
Dear Chum,
Please accept my humblest of apologies. I am sorry I stole your identity.
First I had a phone installed under your name. The dang thing wouldn't stop ringing! Bill collectors, lawyers, and your cousin Billy called collect from the State Pen every day!
I applied for credit cards but instead of receiving cards I received balance due notices threatening to take me to court if not paid in full within 7 days. I've had to move twice already!
I came home from a night out on the town last week and found your wife and kids sprawled out all over the house. My house is trashed, they've eaten all the food, and they refuse to leave!
I promise to turn my life around and never commit another crime for as long as I live if you will come pick up your family.
I replied:
Nope!
In it he wrote:
Dear Chum,
Please accept my humblest of apologies. I am sorry I stole your identity.
First I had a phone installed under your name. The dang thing wouldn't stop ringing! Bill collectors, lawyers, and your cousin Billy called collect from the State Pen every day!
I applied for credit cards but instead of receiving cards I received balance due notices threatening to take me to court if not paid in full within 7 days. I've had to move twice already!
I came home from a night out on the town last week and found your wife and kids sprawled out all over the house. My house is trashed, they've eaten all the food, and they refuse to leave!
I promise to turn my life around and never commit another crime for as long as I live if you will come pick up your family.
I replied:
Nope!
Did You Know....? - Screen Legends
Such was the antagonism between Peter Sellers and Orson Welles that when they had to appear together at the gaming table in Casino Royale, they acted the scene on different days, each performing to a double
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Obfuscatologist
Origin: Unknown
Definition: Someone who makes things unclear or difficult to follow. {To obfuscate is to make obscure or unclear, especially if done in a circuitous or complicated manner.)
Example: Jim's a professional obfuscatologist; following his trail of excuses is unbelievably difficult.
Definition: Someone who makes things unclear or difficult to follow. {To obfuscate is to make obscure or unclear, especially if done in a circuitous or complicated manner.)
Example: Jim's a professional obfuscatologist; following his trail of excuses is unbelievably difficult.
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