....Me
Friday Man Babe - Keiran Lahey
This 23 year old personal trainer and part time model has everything it takes to deliver amazing photos with his impeccable body. Aussie hunk Kieran Lahey is steaming up the screen with his sexy underwear pics by non other than amazing photographer Simon Le.
Friday Funny
Chinese Old Man In England
An old couple in Shanghai had been chatting online with another couple in the English countryside for years. One day, they agreed to swap residences for a month.
Finding clean air, serenity and little traffic at his destination, the Chinese old man wanted to take full advantage of his new surroundings. He decided to go for a leisurely drive. No more than 15 minutes on the road, his cell phone rang. His wife was on the line.
"Honorable husband, be very careful. I heard on the radio that a man is driving on the wrong side of the road."
"You no talking joke. There are tens and tens of them!"
An old couple in Shanghai had been chatting online with another couple in the English countryside for years. One day, they agreed to swap residences for a month.
Finding clean air, serenity and little traffic at his destination, the Chinese old man wanted to take full advantage of his new surroundings. He decided to go for a leisurely drive. No more than 15 minutes on the road, his cell phone rang. His wife was on the line.
"Honorable husband, be very careful. I heard on the radio that a man is driving on the wrong side of the road."
"You no talking joke. There are tens and tens of them!"
Did You Know....? - Write On
Joe Shuster and Jerry Seigel sold all rights to comic-strip character Superman to their publishers for $65 a piece in 1938
Sneak's Slip 'N Slang - Cans
Origin: English Slang (Cockney Rhyming Slang)
Definition: headphones
Example: My cans have a short, so I need to buy some new ones.
Definition: headphones
Example: My cans have a short, so I need to buy some new ones.
No Sex Since 1955
A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts coll ege. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation
'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?'
'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, 'It looks like you have seen a lot of action.'
'Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.'
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, 'You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.'
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said,
'You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, But when is the last time you had sex?
''1955, ma'am.'
'Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room Where she proceeded to 'relax' him several times.. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and And said,
'Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.'
The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, After glancing at his watch,
'I Hope Not; It's Only 2130 Now.'
An Old One but a Good One
he body builder takes off his shirt
and the blonde says,
"What a Great chest you have!'
He tells her,
'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.'
He takes off his pants and the blonde says,'
"What massive calves you have!'
The body builder tells her,
'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.'
He then removes his underwear and
the blonde goes running out of the
apartment screaming in fear.
The body builder puts his clothes
back on and chases after her.
He catches up to her and asks why
she ran out of the apartment like that.
The blonde replies,
'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite
after I saw how short the fuse was!'
and the blonde says,
"What a Great chest you have!'
He tells her,
'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.'
He takes off his pants and the blonde says,'
"What massive calves you have!'
The body builder tells her,
'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.'
He then removes his underwear and
the blonde goes running out of the
apartment screaming in fear.
The body builder puts his clothes
back on and chases after her.
He catches up to her and asks why
she ran out of the apartment like that.
The blonde replies,
'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite
after I saw how short the fuse was!'
Horrorscopes
HORRORSCOPES
Ascaryus (Jan 20-Feb 18):
This Halloween looks to be a scary one for you. But before you go around crying, "Ooooh, I want my mummy! I want my mummy!" think about this: You want more lovin’, right? Well, if you run around like a scaredycat, you will, to quoth the raven, "Neverscore."
Pieces (Feb 19-Mar 20):
Vampires are evil, hypnotic people who will emerge in the night and drain you. Sounds like someone I used to date. You need to be careful because you may have closed the metaphoric coffin lid on a relationship, only to find that this person will rise from the graveyard of your heart to worm their way back into your life. One word of advice from "Buffy The Vampire Slayer": A vampire can only come in if you invite them.
Scaries (Mar 21-Apr 19):
You've got to pick up every stitch this Halloween because, unless I miss my guess, it must be the Season of the Witch. If only every holiday could be commemorated with a bad Donovan song. Wouldn't it be great, on Thanksgiving, to sit around the table, giving thanks for the bounty we are to receive by singing a rousing round of "Mellow Yellow"? That is truly the most horrifying thought you can be faced with this Halloween.
Tarot (Apr 20-May 20):
Sure, you ladies have been looking for some lovin'. But you don't want to go for just any Tom Dick and Harry. And heaven forfend you go for any Jack you find, especially when that Jack is some hollow-headed grinning gap-toothed idiot. But then again, despite his weird exterior, if you look inside, you'll see a flame burning bright. This might be the season of the witch, but if you try not to act so witchy and look past the odd exterior, you'll find hidden depths in the ugliest places.
OnlyOneEye (May 21- Jun 20):
Horror is in the eye of the beholder, whether that eye be bloodshot and yellow, peering at you from the shadows of the night, or whether the eye is a horrible dismembered giant radioactive eye. What is truly scary? A werewolf? A werewolf is not so much a horrible half-man half-beast as a chronic undershaver. A headless horseman is just the victim of a particularly bad hair day. In much the same way, you can find the brighter side of anything that comes your way, no matter how horrific or annoying.
Dancer (Jun 21-Jul 22):
Scary is relative, and we don't just mean your crazy relatives who threaten to come visit for six weeks, but rather the idea that whereas a movie with monsters made out of cardboard boxes and paper mache may have been the scariest thing you'd ever seen when you were eight, it now looks like crap. You must get over your initial fears of a new project or relationship; although it seems insurmountable now, if you stick with it, you will eventually be able to overcome it.
Tao (Jul 23-Aug 22):
Frankenstein's monster was, of course, made out of the parts of a couple dozen other people, which must have been hell when it came to custody hearings. Nothing's more awkward at a family reunion than having one-tenth of Cousin Harry show up at the buffet. You, too, feel like you're being pulled in twenty different directions, but you'll soon receive the jolt you'll need to get on your feet again.
Vertigo (Aug 23-Sep 22):
Pity the poor skeleton who wanders around on Halloween, looking so unfashionable in all-white a full two months after Memorial Day. Of course, he can't help it, and he is actually successful in the love department; after all, he is "ribbed" for her pleasure. This week you'll find that you attract more flies with honey than even dead zombie flesh, and being inherently nice to the opposite sex will make them flock to you like vultures to a skeleton.
Webra (Sep 23-Oct 22):
Zombies are pretty well-known for trying to suck the brains out of people's heads. As was every high school algebra teacher I ever had. Coincidence? Considering that those people were always pale on the point of being green, had trouble communicating more than moans and incoherent screams, and had awkward, stumbling walks down the hallway, I think it's lucky I escaped without some horrible "Night of the Living Dead scenario." You escape a horrific fate worse than death , if you can steer clear of boring people at parties.
Scareio (Oct 23-Nov 21):
You think you're being slick, but the truth is that you're like a ghost; people can see through you, and all the noise you're making is more effective scaring small children and dogs than actually doing anything. It's time to leave your old haunts and take care of that grave matter that's all your vault.
Sekeltarious (Nov 22-Dec 21):
Boo! Scared ya!
Capricandycorn (Dec 22-Jan 19):
You're in the zone this week! The Twilight Zone, that is, and it's going to be a creepy thrill ride with an incredibly ironic twist at the end that serves as a commentary on our mixed-up Cold War nuclear society. Don't let the creepy situations you get yourself into this week get you skittish. Let them get you Skittles; why not go Trick-or-Treating? It's fun to dress up, get given stuff, and not have to give ten percent to a big guy named Huggy Bear. And Halloween candy doesn't count as calories!
Ascaryus (Jan 20-Feb 18):
This Halloween looks to be a scary one for you. But before you go around crying, "Ooooh, I want my mummy! I want my mummy!" think about this: You want more lovin’, right? Well, if you run around like a scaredycat, you will, to quoth the raven, "Neverscore."
Pieces (Feb 19-Mar 20):
Vampires are evil, hypnotic people who will emerge in the night and drain you. Sounds like someone I used to date. You need to be careful because you may have closed the metaphoric coffin lid on a relationship, only to find that this person will rise from the graveyard of your heart to worm their way back into your life. One word of advice from "Buffy The Vampire Slayer": A vampire can only come in if you invite them.
Scaries (Mar 21-Apr 19):
You've got to pick up every stitch this Halloween because, unless I miss my guess, it must be the Season of the Witch. If only every holiday could be commemorated with a bad Donovan song. Wouldn't it be great, on Thanksgiving, to sit around the table, giving thanks for the bounty we are to receive by singing a rousing round of "Mellow Yellow"? That is truly the most horrifying thought you can be faced with this Halloween.
Tarot (Apr 20-May 20):
Sure, you ladies have been looking for some lovin'. But you don't want to go for just any Tom Dick and Harry. And heaven forfend you go for any Jack you find, especially when that Jack is some hollow-headed grinning gap-toothed idiot. But then again, despite his weird exterior, if you look inside, you'll see a flame burning bright. This might be the season of the witch, but if you try not to act so witchy and look past the odd exterior, you'll find hidden depths in the ugliest places.
OnlyOneEye (May 21- Jun 20):
Horror is in the eye of the beholder, whether that eye be bloodshot and yellow, peering at you from the shadows of the night, or whether the eye is a horrible dismembered giant radioactive eye. What is truly scary? A werewolf? A werewolf is not so much a horrible half-man half-beast as a chronic undershaver. A headless horseman is just the victim of a particularly bad hair day. In much the same way, you can find the brighter side of anything that comes your way, no matter how horrific or annoying.
Dancer (Jun 21-Jul 22):
Scary is relative, and we don't just mean your crazy relatives who threaten to come visit for six weeks, but rather the idea that whereas a movie with monsters made out of cardboard boxes and paper mache may have been the scariest thing you'd ever seen when you were eight, it now looks like crap. You must get over your initial fears of a new project or relationship; although it seems insurmountable now, if you stick with it, you will eventually be able to overcome it.
Tao (Jul 23-Aug 22):
Frankenstein's monster was, of course, made out of the parts of a couple dozen other people, which must have been hell when it came to custody hearings. Nothing's more awkward at a family reunion than having one-tenth of Cousin Harry show up at the buffet. You, too, feel like you're being pulled in twenty different directions, but you'll soon receive the jolt you'll need to get on your feet again.
Vertigo (Aug 23-Sep 22):
Pity the poor skeleton who wanders around on Halloween, looking so unfashionable in all-white a full two months after Memorial Day. Of course, he can't help it, and he is actually successful in the love department; after all, he is "ribbed" for her pleasure. This week you'll find that you attract more flies with honey than even dead zombie flesh, and being inherently nice to the opposite sex will make them flock to you like vultures to a skeleton.
Webra (Sep 23-Oct 22):
Zombies are pretty well-known for trying to suck the brains out of people's heads. As was every high school algebra teacher I ever had. Coincidence? Considering that those people were always pale on the point of being green, had trouble communicating more than moans and incoherent screams, and had awkward, stumbling walks down the hallway, I think it's lucky I escaped without some horrible "Night of the Living Dead scenario." You escape a horrific fate worse than death , if you can steer clear of boring people at parties.
Scareio (Oct 23-Nov 21):
You think you're being slick, but the truth is that you're like a ghost; people can see through you, and all the noise you're making is more effective scaring small children and dogs than actually doing anything. It's time to leave your old haunts and take care of that grave matter that's all your vault.
Sekeltarious (Nov 22-Dec 21):
Boo! Scared ya!
Capricandycorn (Dec 22-Jan 19):
You're in the zone this week! The Twilight Zone, that is, and it's going to be a creepy thrill ride with an incredibly ironic twist at the end that serves as a commentary on our mixed-up Cold War nuclear society. Don't let the creepy situations you get yourself into this week get you skittish. Let them get you Skittles; why not go Trick-or-Treating? It's fun to dress up, get given stuff, and not have to give ten percent to a big guy named Huggy Bear. And Halloween candy doesn't count as calories!
Halloween
I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween…
Unknown
Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg, and owlet's wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
William Shakespeare, Witches in Macbeth
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid, there were rules to the art of door-to-door extortion. Kids today don't even know that they're going about Halloween all wrong.
Robert Kirby
Proof of our society's decline is that Halloween has become a broad daylight event for many.
Robert Kirby
Unknown
Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg, and owlet's wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
William Shakespeare, Witches in Macbeth
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid, there were rules to the art of door-to-door extortion. Kids today don't even know that they're going about Halloween all wrong.
Robert Kirby
Proof of our society's decline is that Halloween has become a broad daylight event for many.
Robert Kirby
Did You Know....? - Own Goals
In 1996, the Belgian government announced a new law banning camel and ostrich racing on the nations public roads. A mystified spokesman for Belgiums local authorities said: "As far as we know, no one has ever tried to race camels or ostriches in Belgium".
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Sloth Cloth
Origin: American Slang
Definition: an old shirt that is only suitable for wearing around the house
Example: He wears his sloth-cloth every Sunday when he watches the game.
Definition: an old shirt that is only suitable for wearing around the house
Example: He wears his sloth-cloth every Sunday when he watches the game.
Did You Know....? - For Better or Worse
Victorian critic John Ruskin was so repulsed by the sight of his wifes pubic hair on their wedding night that he swore he would never sleep with her again.
Sneaks Slip 'N Slang - Mantrum
Origin: American Slang
Definition: a tantrum thrown by a man with no justification
Example: Mark threw a mantrum when he thought his roommate had borrowed his MP3 player without asking. He was wrong, however, because it had actually fallen between the coach cushions.
Definition: a tantrum thrown by a man with no justification
Example: Mark threw a mantrum when he thought his roommate had borrowed his MP3 player without asking. He was wrong, however, because it had actually fallen between the coach cushions.
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