W. C. Fields
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake--which I also keep handy.
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I like children - fried.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I like children - fried.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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