The 7 Most Sexually Suggestive Products That Have Nothing to do With Sex

Sex sells. It's a cliché, sure, but that doesn't mean it's not true. Thanks to standards of decency though, you can't just come out and say "this product will get you laid" — unless you're AXE. But slowly toss off a wink, a nod, or double entendre, and soon your profits will be ejaculating mightily. It's a strategy that works both for products related to doin' it and for those that have nothing to do with it. Just look at the Shake Weight, a silly workout contraption that millions of people know about because its commercial makes women look like they're performing a certain activity on a certain male part.

We've searched long and hard to find seven products whose ads really get the blood moving even if the product has nothing to do with getting laid. Click below to check out the 7 most sexually suggestive products that have nothing to do with sex.

The Shake

The Shake Weight is a workout device designed to target the biceps and triceps with 240 muscle retractions per minute. It's designed for women, and is used by wrapping one's hands around a shaft and shaking. Sounds possibly uncomfortable! The weight harnesses the power of "dynamic inertia," which, coincidently, is also a good description of our relationships with women.

Best line: "You just shake it, back and forth; there's no motor, no batteries…"

Kush Support

The Kush Support, "A natural rest for the breast," functions mainly as a boob separator for ladies endowed with a C-cup or larger. Apparently, while sleeping on the side, big breasts get far too close to each other, and who knows what sort of hijinks they plan when you're not looking. Best to keep them far apart for as long as possible.

Best line: "Anatomically contoured to gently support and cushion the weight of a woman's breasts."

Neckline Slimmer

World-Renowned Physiotherapist Paul Youname's Neckline Slimmer is a "Resistance Toning Slimmer." All you have to do to tighten your jaw line and slim the neck is move your head up and down while pushing a pole in and out. It does wonders for the head.

Best line: "When you use my neckline slimmer, you can actually see the muscles working, and you'll feel the difference right away."

Facial Flex

There is very little about this infomercial for the Facial Flex, a face and mouth exerciser, that isn't eye-poppingly disturbing on some level. And by disturbing, we mean sexy and useful. A small gadget that fits in the lips, all it takes to work is a few minutes of moving your mouth back and forth. Keep in mind that "you can do it while doing something else" — watching television, walking the dog (!), "doing" email...the options are endless!

Best line: "You're going to feel it, Karen, from your eye all the way down to your bra line."

Yamuna Body Rolling

How is a woman to reduce wrinkles in this day and age? Well, a new fitness device uses an age-old technique — rubbing balls on the face. There is nothing that balls can't do: the "small balls are used to gently work out target wrinkle spots like brows, cheekbones and eye sockets," while the larger balls do everything else. No word on whether the big ones are made of brass.

Best line: "[A] system called Body Logic that uses 6 to 10 inch balls to stretch, massage and loosen tense muscles throughout the body."

The Floppy

The Floppy was ostensibly invented to solve the problem of playing golf indoors, but if you read between the lines it's about so much more. The ad explores the issue of whether to use hard or floppy balls indoors, but the real subject matter becomes apparent when you understand that "indoors" means "in your pants." Once that's clear, the commercial becomes more of a PSA, offering this advice: Keep it floppy in your pants, but when the pants are off, hard is necessary. Words to live by.

Best line: "You certainly wouldn't hit a ball indoors...OR WOULD YOU?"

Ponder Sexual

We find this product to be muy caliente! We're not quite sure what's going on here, but it virtually explodes the myth of the Latin lover. (Look at how high he wears his pants!) What we can figure out is that the man's lady friend has been spurning his charms. That is, until he calls a phone number and puts on a bathrobe. He then drugs his wife. This is apparently legal in some places.

Best line: Because it's in a foreign language, it all sounds sexy.