The Bachelor Diet
Monday
- Breakfast - Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth.
- Lunch - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers" - those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of Maalox. Afternoon Snack - Drink the Maalox. Dinner - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece
- Dinner, don't eat the coleslaw.
Tuesday
- Breakfast - Eat the coleslaw.
- Lunch - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.
- Dinner - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's.
Wednesday
- Breakfast - Stomach couldn't handle breakfast after a night at El Flasho's.
- Lunch - Rolaids and a coke.
- Dinner - Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps.
Thursday
- Breakfast - Order out for pizza.
- Lunch - Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers.
- Dinner - Go to a bar. Ask the bartender for extra olives.
Friday
- Breakfast - Eggs, sausage and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it's better for you.
- Lunch - Skip Lunch, Fridays are murder.
- Dinner - Steak, well-done, baked potato and asparagus. Don't eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus.
Saturday
- Breakfast - Sleep through it.
- Lunch - Ditto.
- Dinner - Steak, well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Don't eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket.
Sunday
- Breakfast - Three Bloody Mary's and a Twinkie.
- Lunch - Eat Lunch? And waste a good buzz?
- Dinner - Chicken noodle soup. Call home and ask about renting our old room.
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