Answering Machine Messages
# (Darth Vader voice:) Speak, worm!
# Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a message, I'll have him call you back as soon as he gets away. Read all about it in next week's National Enquirer.
# Hello, this is Jim. Unfortunately I can't answer the phone right now because I've just come back from the Mirror Worlds and I'm still made up of antimatter, so if I were to pick up the phone right now, the resulting energy release would make Hiroshima look like a wet firecracker. So leave a message at the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as my component particles have been restored to their normal charges.
# (Klingon voice:) ANSWERING MACHINE. SPEAK.
# You have reached 555-6238. Why?
# This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what you-know-when.
# This is a boring answering machine message. Leave a message anyway. (Useful to keep people from calling at odd hours to hear your latest exciting message.)
# (Classical music in background, slow stoned voice:) Don't you ever wonder what life would be like? ...
# This is 234-3249, and no, it's not Pete's Pizzaria. It's not the Credit Union either, and no one named Pam lives here. You can leave a message though.
# These words are lovely dark and deep But I've got promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep So leave a message at the beep.
# Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I die before I wake, Remember to erase the tape.
# Kemosabe no in teepee now. You leave'um message after little smoke signal, and Kemosabe get back for pow-wow real fast.
# [VOICE 1] Answer the phone, please, Hal. [VOICE 2] I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that.
# Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following words: orange...mother...unicorn. I'll get back to you with my diagnosis as soon as possible.
# [Sung to the tune of "Ride of the Valkyries"] Leave me a message...leave me a message....etc.
# This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. This is only a test.
# The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.
# Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it! Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll...don't even think about it!....Don't....!
# This is the Metropolitan Opera Amateur Audition Hotline. After the tone, sing Vesti la Giubba and La Donna e Mobile....
# I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it...I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.
# Bwana fella no home now, so you fella leave talkie-talk. Bwana 'im big fella mek talkie-talk back real fas'.
# Twinkle, Twinkle little star,
bet your wondering where we are?
Well, put your mouth up to the phone
And leave us a message for when we get home.
And if you can make your message rhyme,
We'll call you back in half the time!!!!!
# Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a message, I'll have him call you back as soon as he gets away. Read all about it in next week's National Enquirer.
# Hello, this is Jim. Unfortunately I can't answer the phone right now because I've just come back from the Mirror Worlds and I'm still made up of antimatter, so if I were to pick up the phone right now, the resulting energy release would make Hiroshima look like a wet firecracker. So leave a message at the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as my component particles have been restored to their normal charges.
# (Klingon voice:) ANSWERING MACHINE. SPEAK.
# You have reached 555-6238. Why?
# This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what you-know-when.
# This is a boring answering machine message. Leave a message anyway. (Useful to keep people from calling at odd hours to hear your latest exciting message.)
# (Classical music in background, slow stoned voice:) Don't you ever wonder what life would be like? ...
# This is 234-3249, and no, it's not Pete's Pizzaria. It's not the Credit Union either, and no one named Pam lives here. You can leave a message though.
# These words are lovely dark and deep But I've got promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep So leave a message at the beep.
# Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I die before I wake, Remember to erase the tape.
# Kemosabe no in teepee now. You leave'um message after little smoke signal, and Kemosabe get back for pow-wow real fast.
# [VOICE 1] Answer the phone, please, Hal. [VOICE 2] I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that.
# Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following words: orange...mother...unicorn. I'll get back to you with my diagnosis as soon as possible.
# [Sung to the tune of "Ride of the Valkyries"] Leave me a message...leave me a message....etc.
# This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. This is only a test.
# The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.
# Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it! Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll...don't even think about it!....Don't....!
# This is the Metropolitan Opera Amateur Audition Hotline. After the tone, sing Vesti la Giubba and La Donna e Mobile....
# I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it...I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.
# Bwana fella no home now, so you fella leave talkie-talk. Bwana 'im big fella mek talkie-talk back real fas'.
# Twinkle, Twinkle little star,
bet your wondering where we are?
Well, put your mouth up to the phone
And leave us a message for when we get home.
And if you can make your message rhyme,
We'll call you back in half the time!!!!!
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