In a Perfect World
On his personal blog, former Golden Globes host Ricky Gervais wishes James Franco and Anne Hathaway good luck in their Oscars hosting duties, and offers them an unsolicited opening he’s written, “in case they have a few minutes to fill”:
JF
You probably know me from 127 Hours where I play a man trapped in an enclosed space who decides he would rather cut his own arm off than stay where he was. Now that sounds “way out” but wait till half way through this f**king ceremony and you’ll start to identify with him.
AH
And I’m the new Catwoman. The first white woman to play that role since Michelle Pfeiffer. I want it to be an inspiration to all white people everywhere. Your dreams can come true in Hollywood too.
JF
It’s a daunting task hosting The Oscars but we’re not alone. Presenting awards tonight will be a string of Hollywood legends and some other actors who have a film out in March or April.
JF
Usually they hire comedians to host The Oscars, but tonight, instead, you get us!
AH
No comedians tonight. And do you know why? Because comics are ugly.
JF
Especially that rude obnoxious one who played the Steve Carell part in the English remake of The Office.
I doubt they’ll use much of this material, but you can read the entire heartbreaking work of self-deprecating genius over here.
0 comments:
Post a Comment