Personal Ads

Mafia leader seeks sleazy woman who can dodge bullets, meet in rat-infested motels, and speak Russian. Must be able to keep a secret.

Mormon male looking for one or more females for a long-term relationship. Must have childbearing hips and be willing to give birth to at least four children. Catholics need not apply.

Single, unemployed female with several children out of wedlock is looking for a sugar daddy to support my children and me. Skills include nose-wiping and diaper-changing. Ear plugs included. No experience necessary.

Single, white, affluent male starting a savage cult; orders submissive, obedient followers to worship and praise my every move. No shirt, no shoes, no service.

Ready? OK! Collegiate cheerleader looking for quarterback to bring his helmet, pads, and offensive line to bed. First and ten! Do it again!

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