Garaunteed Politically Incorrect

British Prime Minister David Cameron has announced he intends to make it more difficult to claim social security benefits.

From next week the forms will only be printed in English.

The Irish have solved their own fuel problems.

They imported 50 Million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil

Bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of anything except VB.

Barman asks, "What's wrong with VB?"

Bloke says,

"I had 12 pints of VB last night and when I came round I was f--ing skint."

Barman says, " 12 pints of anything costs about the same."
Bloke replies, "Skint's my dog."

Wife says to husband "you only ever want sex when you're drunk.

Husband says "that's not true....... sometimes I want a kebab"

My son asked me today what's the difference between a crow and a blackbird.

I told him crows have somewhat heavier beaks and fan shaped tails.

A blackbird has big rubbery lips, fuzzy hair and a massive arse.

Teacher to class: "Children, we are all descendants of Adam and Eve"
Pupil: "But Miss, my mummy and daddy said we come from the apes."
Teacher: "Stay out of this one Leroy, I'm not talking about your lot."

I bought the wife a Memory Stick, it's great!
She hasn't forgotten my beer, dinner or sex once since the first beating.

Why is it whenever you see a fit blonde eating a banana you think of a porn film but

when you see a black woman eating a banana you think of the discovery channel?

Sky news report. The Irish have joined in the attack on Libya .
They sent in 3 ships - 2 full of sand, and one full of cement..it was a mortar attack.

The missus asked if she pleased me in bed?
I said "yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth."
. . . "What trick?" she asked?
"The one where you shut up and go to sleep!"

An assortment of high powered weapons and a stash of drugs including cocaine, heroin and

ecstasy have been found behind the Job Centre in Liverpool .

The locals are said to be in a state of shock........

They had no idea they had a job centre!

Kate Middleton asked the Queen for advice on marriage and a long relationship...

she replied "wear a seatbelt and don't piss me off!"