Groucho Marx

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.