Spooge's Spit Up - Guide to Real Estate Terms

To spare others from dashed hopes, shattered dreams, and tired feet, here is a guide to familiar real-estate ad phrases.

Charming - Tiny.
Snow White might fit, but five of the dwarfs would have to find their own place.
See "Cute," "Enchanting," and "Good Starter Home."

Much Potential - Grim.
Steer clear unless you have a lot of money and believe your blind dates really did have nice personalities.
See "Ready to Rehab," and "Fixer Upper."

Unique City Home
Used to be a warehouse.

Hi-Tech/Contemporary
Lots of steel shelving with little holes
the kind your dad used to store tools on in the basement.

Daring Design
Still a warehouse.

Completely Updated
Avocado dishwasher and harvest gold carpeting or vice versa.

Sophisticated
Black walls and no windows.
See "Architect's Delight."

One-Of-A-Kind
Ugly as sin.

Brilliant Concept
Do you really need a two-story live oak in your 30-foot sky dome?
See "Makes Dramatic Statement."

Upper Bracket
If you have to ask . . .

You'll Love It
No, you won't.

Must See To Believe
An absolutely accurate statement.