Geek Pron: Multiplayer Pong Table

 

Have a Pong orgy with Brad Slattery’s Super Pong Coffee Table. Constructed with a 900 red LED grid, four players can sit around and bounce balls back and forth all night long. 
 
If you build it, they will come. DIY your own with these instructions.

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Mini Game of the Week - Crazy Raccoon



Description:

Use mouse to rule the raccoon flight, the mouse left button to shoot, collect bonuses, points, avoid electric power stations, jumping mines and UFO. You can shoot at UFO with one or double-barreled gun, laser or missile. The game ends with spiteful almost invincible boss. Publish the best result.
We offers you categorized collection of flash games including action, arcade, adventure, casino, cards ,bord, skill, fighting, kids, puzzle, shooting, racing, strategy, sports and other games. Includes instructions and list of controls. You can play more than 1000 free online flash games on our site.

Instructions / Controls :

Look within the game for further detail.

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Christina Aguilera


These two convicts were about to be executed. The Warden says to the first one "Do you have a last request?"

The convict says "Yes. I’d like to hear A Christina Aguilera song one last time."


The Warden says "OK, I think we can arrange that." Then he says to the second convict "How about you? Last request?"


The second convict says "Yeah. Kill me first."

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Sex Pills

There once was a man who could not keep it going with his wife. He went to the doctor who gave him some sex pills. There was a label on the bottle that said ... **Take one pill for a great night** The man thought that he wanted a stupendous night; so he downed the whole bottle.

In the morning the neighbors came over to find the man's son sitting on the porch crying. "What's wrong?" they said.


"Mom's dead, Sister's pregnant, My backside hurts, and Dad's in the basement yelling: Here Kitty Kitty ..."

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End of the World Headlines


When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it?

USA Today: WE'RE DEAD


The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS


National Enquirer: JON AND KATE, TOGETHER AGAIN


Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE


Victoria's Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE


Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER


Wired: THE LAST NEW THING


Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR


Readers Digest: 'BYE


Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?


Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET!


America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.


Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE


TIME magazine: RENEW YOUR SUBSCRIPTION FOR ETERNITY

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Performance Review Terms 2


EXPRESS THEMSELVES WELL:
Speak English.

CONSCIENTIOUS:

Scared.

METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL:

A nit picker.

HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES:

Is tall or has a loud voice.

EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGMENT:

Lucky.

KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR:

Knows a lot of dirty jokes.

STRONG PRINCIPLES:

Stubborn.

CAREER MINDED:

Back Stabber.

COMING ALONG WELL:

About to be let go.

OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION:

Gets to work on time.

RELAXED ATTITUDE:

Sleeps at desk.

EXPERIENCED PROBLEM SOLVER:

Screws up often.

WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY:

Too ugly to get a date.

INDEPENDENT WORKER:

Nobody knows what he/she does all day.

FORWARD THINKING:

Procrastinator.

GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS:

Able to BS well.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:

Spends lots of time on phone.

LOYAL:

Can't get a job anywhere else.

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Performance Review Terms 1


AVERAGE EMPLOYEE:
Not too bright.

EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED:

Made no major blunders - yet.

ACTIVE SOCIALLY:

Drinks a lot.

FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY:

Spouse drinks, too.

CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH:

Still one step ahead of the cops.

ZEALOUS ATTITUDE:

Opinionated.

QUICK THINKING:

Offers plausible excuses for mistakes.

CAREFUL THINKER:

Won't make a decision.

TAKES PRIDE IN WORK:

Conceited.

PLANS FOR ADVANCEMENT:

Buys drinks for all the boys in the office at happy hour.

FORCEFUL:

Argumentative.

AGGRESSIVE:

Obnoxious.

USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS:

Gets someone else to do it.

A KEEN ANALYST:

Thoroughly confused.

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Dogs


The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. - Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers


If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. - Will Rogers


A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings


The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney


I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner


A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley


Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P. Jones


If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown


My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money. - Joe Weinstein


Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! - Anne Tyler


Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein


You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look hat says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!' - Dave Barry


If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them. - Phil Pastoret

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Cover Letter Blunders


 
These are actual examples of job search stupidity provided by a friend of ours who’s a professional recruiter. Some of the specifics have been changed to protect the inept, but they’re proof positive that the economy isn’t solely to blame for today’s horrendous employment statistics.

   “If I could use one word to describe myself, it would be Team Player.”

   “My resume speaks for itself so I will not burden you with words.”

   “I have organized and conducted community service and missionary positions.”

   “I work an additional 10-15 minutes per week to perform administrative responsibilities promptly and accurately.”

   “I am interested in the Financial Analyst position. I currently work at Rusty’s Camper Emporium as the parking attendant.”

   “I have attended Champions School of Real Estate, because I am a champion.”

   “I can think and act simultaneously under intense pressure.”

   “I am known and respected in New York City and surrounding area.”

   “Although my grades are not the highest, I possess the ability to grasp difficult concepts rather quickly most of the time.”

   “I am looking forward to further discussing my qualifications and how I can be an asset to your company. Please contact me at bigassbooty@ifailmail.com anytime.”

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Attitude


Eccentricity is not, as dull people would have us believe, a form of madness. It is often a kind of innocent pride, and the man of genius and the aristocrat are frequently regarded as eccentrics because genius and aristocrat are entirely unafraid of and uninfluenced by the opinions and vagaries of the crowd. - Edith Sitwell (1887 - 1964), Taken Care Of ,1965

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.  - Herm Albright (1876 - 1944)


The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; and the pessimist fears this is true. - James Branch Cabell (1879 - 1958), The Silver Stallion, 1926


The point of living and of being an optimist, is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come. - Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004)


Getting ahead in a difficult profession requires avid faith in yourself. That is why some people with mediocre talent, but with great inner drive, go much further than people with vastly superior talent. - Sophia Loren (1934 - )

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Did You Know....? - Funny Business


In 1978 ITV sitcom Life Begins At Forty, starring Derek Nimmo and Rosemary Leach, was sold to East Germany - not as comedy, but as part of an adult education initiative to increase the country's birthrate.

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Sneak's Slip 'N Slang - Napsterbation


Napsterbation: Spending hours downloading songs you don't even like, because you can

Example: In 3 hours of napsterbation, I got the complete works of the Partridge Family

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Look What You Did


A little boy asked his teacher if he could go to the bath- room. She said yes.

When he went to wipe his fanny there was no toilet paper so, he used his hand.

When he got back to class, his teacher asked, "What do you have in your hand?"

The boy said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away."

He was then sent to the principal's office and the principal asked him, "What do you have in your hand?"

The little boy said, "A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away."

The principal got mad and yelled, "Open your hands NOW!"

He did and the little boy said, "Oh great , now look what you did, you scared the shit out of him!"

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Steampunk Mouse


Scottish hardware designer, Peter Balch, handcrafted this computer sidekick, er sidebrain. See how he did it, here
 
Bonus points, Mr. Balch, because this mouse also doubles as a zombie decoy.

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Life-Altering Spilt Condiment Cleaning Apparatus

 

I don’t know what it is, but it looks like it runs on magic and I want one for no other reason than to just sit around mesmerized by watching it clean up ketchup.

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Earth Hour 2011


Last Saturday, March 26, people and businesses around the world participated in Earth Hour 2011, turning off their lights at 8:30 p.m. local time. Earth Hour was organized by the World Wildlife Fund in 2007, as a way to bring attention to energy-consumption, sustainability, and climate change issues. 

This year, participants in 134 countries darkened homes, skyscrapers, and landmarks around the world. 

The images (starting with photo number two) are interactive -- click on each image to "turn off the lights" (and, for wider screens, be sure to click the "1280px" option at right.) and can be found here: [25 photo pairs]

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American Flag


A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an American.

"Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them."


The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars, too!"

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7 & 7


A woman from Chelm went to the market one day to buy herring and a loaf of bread. "How much is it?" she asked the storekeeper.

"14 cents," answered the storekeeper to the lady.


"14 cents! For what?" asked the lady.


The storekeeper explained: The herring costs 7 cents, and the loaf of bread costs 7 cents also. So together it comes to 14 cents."


"I know different. To the best of my recollection, 7 and 7 is 11."


"What are your saying?"


"As far as I know, 7 and 7 is 11...I had already had 4 children when my first husband died. When I married a second time, my second husband also had 4 children from his first wife. After getting married, we had 3 children together. So each of us had 7 children, and together we had 11!


Obviously, 7 and 7 is 11."

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Ski Trip


Mr. Jacobson decided to take a week off from the pressures of the office and went skiing. Alas, no sooner did he reach the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling: moments later a sheet of snow came crashing toward him.

Fortunately, Mr. Jacobson was able to jump into a cave just before the avalanche hit. Just as fortunately, he had matches with him and was able to light a fire.


Hours later, when everyone but Mr. Jacobson had returned, a rescue team was sent to search for him.


After several hours they saw smoke curling from the cave and went to investigate.


Poking his head into the entrance, one of the rescuers yelled, "Mr. Jacobson, are you there? It's the Red Cross."


Bristling, the harried executive called back, "Get lost. I gave at the office!"

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Justice Triumphs


A lawyer had a jury trial in a very difficult business case. The client, who had attended the trial, was out of town when the jury came back with its decision, which was for the lawyer and his client.

The lawyer immediately sent a telegram to his client, reading, "Justice has triumphed!"


The client wired back, "Appeal at once!"

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Did You Know....? - As Seen on TV


At its peak, the worldwide audience of Baywatch exceeded the world population of Muslims

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Sneak's Slip 'N Slang - Cack Chugula


Cack Chugula: A respectfully deprecating nickname usually bestowed upon those who excel in slothing, boozing, and story telling. 

Example: Hey, Cack Chugula, get off the couch and answer the door. The pizza guy is here.

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Two Priests on Vacation


Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, and etc.


The next morning they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare and when she passed them, she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father" - "Good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.


They were both stunned. How in the world did she recognize them as priests?


The next day they went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits-these were so loud, you could hear them before you even saw them-and again settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc.


After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward them again. (They were glad they had sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads.)


Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: "Good morning, Father," "Good morning Father," and started to walk away.


One of the priests couldn't stand it and said. "Just a minute, young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?"


"Oh, Father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Angela!"

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The Wall of Life


A funeral service is being held in a synagogue for a woman who has just passed away.

At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket.


They hear a faint moan.


They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.


She lives for 10 more years and then dies.


A ceremony is again held at the same synagogue and at the end of the service the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket.


As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

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More the Bible According to Kids


The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., bad spelling has been left in.)

- Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.


- The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.


- David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.


- Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.


- When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.


- Then the three Wise Guys from the east arrived and found Jesus in the manager.


- Jesus was born because Mary had an Immaculate Contraption.


- St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.


- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says do one to others before they do one to you.


- He also explained that "Man does not live by sweat alone".


- It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.


- The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 decibles.


- The epistles were the wives of the apostles.


- One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.


- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached the holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.


- A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

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The Bible According to Kids


The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., bad spelling has been left in.)

- In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.


- Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.


- Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark because Noah built the ark, which the animals came to in pears.


- Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.


- The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.


- Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.


- Samson slew the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.


- Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.


- The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.


- Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to find the ten commendments.


- The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.


- The seventh commandment is "Thou shalt not admit adultery".


- Moses died before he ever reached Canada.

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