MOM (Mean Old Mother.)
I've had diseases that lasted longer than my marriages.
I tried phone s-e-x - it gave me an ear infection.
If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no s-e-x life at all.
It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.
I've never yet met a man who could look after me. I don't need a husband. What I need is a wife.
If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have children" -- they leave skid marks.