Showing posts with label E-Cards. Show all posts

Anger

Keep cool; anger is not an argument. - Daniel Webster 1782-1852, American Lawyer, Statesman

There is not in nature, a thing that makes man so deformed, so beastly, as doth intemperate anger. - John Webster 1580-1625, British Dramatist

As the whirlwind in its fury teareth up trees, and deformeth the face of nature, or as an earthquake in its convulsions overturneth whole cities; so the rage of an angry man throweth mischief around him. - Akhenaton BC -~1375, Egyptian King, Monotheist

Indulge not thyself in the passion of anger; it is whetting a sword to wound thine own breast, or murder thy friend. - Akhenaton BC -~1375, Egyptian King, Monotheist

We praise a man who feels angry on the right grounds and against the right persons and also in the right manner at the right moment and for the right length of time. - Aristotle BC 384-322, Greek Philosopher

How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it. - Marcus Aurelius 121-80 AD, Roman Emperor, Philosopher

Bully

I Prefer

Dat Drive

Vodka

Birmingham

There once were two ladies from Birmingham
That deal with matters not concerning them.
They reached under the robes
And tickled the globes
Of the bishop that then was confirming them

Now this bishop he wasn't a fool,
He knew what to do with that duel.
He whipped off his britches
And gave those two bitches
A foot of episcople tool.

Body is a Temple

Too Hot Too Cold

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.

"Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

Judging Friendship

Wedding Dress Blues

When my sister Andrea got married, she asked to wear my mother's wedding dress. The day she tried it on for the first time I was sitting with Mother in the living room as Andrea descended the stairs. The gown was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Mother's eyes welled with tears. I put my arm around her.

"You're not losing a daughter," I reminded her in time-honored fashion. "You're gaining a son."

"Oh, forget about that!" she said with a sob. "I used to fit into that dress!"

Never Get Married

Apologies

When at Work

Pause

Getting High

Failing

Labour Day History

Some countries spell it Labor day, while others spell it Labour day The holiday originated in Canada out of labor disputes (“Nine-Hour Movement”) first in Hamilton, then in Toronto, Canada in the 1870s, which resulted in a Trade Union Act which legalized and protected union activity in 1872 in Canada.

The parades held in support of the Nine-Hour Movement and the printers’ strike led to an annual celebration in Canada. In 1882, American labor leader Peter J. McGuire witnessed one of these labor festivals in Toronto.

Inspired from Canadian events in Toronto, he returned the USA, to New York and organized the first American “labor day” on September 5 of the same year. Most countries celebrate Labour Day on May 1, known as May Day and International Workers’ Day.

Bermuda, Canada and the United States celebrate labour day on the first Monday of September. In some Caribbean nations, a labour holiday is provided on the first Monday of May.

In Australia, Queensland and the Northern Territory follow this policy.

Labour day Quotes:

Labor Day differs in every essential from other holidays of the year in any country. All other holidays are in a more or less degree connected with conflict and battles of man’s prowess over man, of strife and discord for greed and power, of glories achieved by one nation over another. Labor Day is devoted to no man, living or dead, to no sect, race or nation. – Samual Gempers .

Labor Day is a glorious holiday because your child will be going back to school the next day. It would have been called Independence Day, but that name was already taken.

Lunch Where?

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."

Friday Funny

The ABC's of Growing Older

Age before Beauty is what we once said,
But now let's be a bit more realistic instead.

Now A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C is the chest pains, perhaps car-d-iac?

D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.

H is high blood pressure -- I'd rather it low;
I for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.

L for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!

P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just
give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T for Tinnitus; there's bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy," you know.

W is for worry (now what's going 'round?)
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y is another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest -- but just in my mind.

Silent Treatment

Mike and Joan were having some problems at home and were giving each other the "silent treatment." But then Mike realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning drive with some pals to go golfing.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and so lose the 'war'), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00am."

The next morning, Mike woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 am and that his friends had left for the golf course without him. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It's 5:00 am. Wake up."

Men simply are not equipped for these kinds of contests

MissBeGotten

Quick The Boss is Coming...

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