On a Sears hairdryer:

...Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)


On a bag of Fritos:

...You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)


On a bar of Dial soap:

"Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)


On some Swanson frozen dinners:

"Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion.)


On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):

"Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)


On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)


On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

"Do not iron clothes on body."(but wouldn't this save me more time?)


On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:

"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)


On Nytol Sleep Aid:

"Warning: May cause drowsiness."(and...I'm taking this because???....)


On most brands of Christmas lights:

"For indoor or outdoor use only."(as opposed to...what?)


On a Japanese food processor:

"Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)


On Sainsbury's peanuts:

"Warning: contains nuts."(talk about a news flash)


On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)


On a child's superman costume:

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)


On a Swedish chainsaw:

"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my gosh...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)