INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT:


You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to

accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not

give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an

infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others

smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how

good it is.

If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven.

Set the oven using these keystrokes:

mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat

Then enter:

ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.

If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner and press

start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.

If you have a Unix microwave oven, insert the dinner, enter the

ingredients of the dinner found on the package label, the weight of

the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The

oven will calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to

your specification.

Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your

oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the

dinner from the oven and enter:

ms.nodamn.good/tryagain\again/again.crap

This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave

and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your

oven vendor. The oven itself is obviously on the blink.

Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger

than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of

which are empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is too

large to fit in your oven, you will need to upgrade your equipment.

Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the

chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another variety,

call Microsoft Help and they will explain that you really don't want

another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.

Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of

their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger

family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must

be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.

Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However,

that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get

thrilled in advance.

Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the

freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature,

not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.